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Lifestyle Relationships
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(My previous post here was a reaction ,when a Pakistani see things going so open regarding relations specially when talking about relation of Male and female. I accept i belong to some strict traingings inside me which cause me to loose my temper whenever i see that, some one in public is discuising Female body parts ,as normally here happens But this tme i need a real help)

I do not know anything excpet my profesion.When it comes to Network or Computers i am much confident about my working.But when it comes to relations i do not know even the abc of it.

I feel that i have much pressure of my surrounding upon me ,specially when talking about marriage.

I feel ,it is immposible for any oter person to know about me specially when it comes to a relation with wife.And Network and computers own me in a very firm way.

I believe this problem (or this fear)every man or woman face in this age.I do not know what will happen if after marriage i found that girl completly diffrent to me ,and you can say me 98% abnormal coz previous 9 yeras i spent just to tell myslef that i am alive and fighting aginst the 90 degree up and downs of life.Ands making myslef **Immposible to understand ** for others.

So now when i am sure that no one can penetrate insidse my core ,i have to face this thing.

There was nothing if it was a problem like others ,Actully behind the scene you will see that i have a very complete ,prominent and experienced model of wife , i am not concered at all how she cook and what she wear ,i am afarid that how she will handel me and after marriage ,what will be the situaion ,if i found her diffrent from that predefined model.

I know i can not overcome the feelings and irritation created by past ,May be next coming person is so strong and i belive she can take me back to the world ,but if she will have the quality,but if she will not then what will happen.

Please keep in mind when responding that this is not actully a problem in west ,but its more then a problem in Pakistan.You know i can not go for one year relationship before marraige in any aspect.

**Sardar Ahmiq Singh **
**Hujra Number 4 Nankana saab **

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To be honest, i dont really know what to respond on ur thread, but once i was watching interview of Ashfaq Ahmed (one of my fav writer/philosopher) the interviewer asked him “after 30 years of ur marriege life, do u think u changed ur wife’s life/thoughts/habits, or she changed urs?”… he smiled for a moment, think for a bit & replied “i think it is very difficult to answer, bcos when some one is too close to u, he/she sure effects ur life in every aspect, & so do u effect or other person, & this process is a continues process, but think about it, u are already changed once bcos of her, ur personality is now a influnced personality by her, & that personality is again going to effect ur parter… at the end things get too confused & u can never know who changed whos life… or in other words, u both bcome one.”

so my suggetion is, stop worrying about the change, even our friends change us, dosent they, some friends have diffrent habits or likes/dislikes, in every diffrent friends company we act diffrent, …life is a name of compromise sometimes, we all do some compromises for our betterness, or our beloved one’s betterness.

About the self image of some virtual personality as a wife, well i guess that could be dangerous, bcos u will have to larn dreams are just dreams, usually they never come true, if it does, u might be the luckiest person in the world…but if it dosent u can still be the luckiest by learning how to compromise & change urself according to her & have a right way to change her according to u.

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/bravo.gif

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Johnybr
i know becuase this is not my mother language,and the things other then computers,i can not describe in some proper and comprehensive way,but let me tell you the problem.

This is more then normall and i belive that its a joking that i am afarid of being changed or naything harm to me.Actully teh problem is this ,previous 10 year i have no experience to live in families.My nature force me to live in Network roon 24 hours ,sleep after two or three days and even go to home after 5 or 6 days.Even then when i open my room first thing is to power ont he computer.

MY cosuines and other family members can not understand me ,coz i am too much sensitive ,only firnds are relations for me.Even you can see here my behave ,i behave normally by force coz i know ,no one concern what is going to happen with me ,so i have to be clear at my place and 2nd thing here we have computers.

So all are not problem to me ,but now i am stucked with life,I have done what people dream to be ,^ cities NWFP Network ,Nice Job ,Handsome salary ,everything i have ,moreover in profesion ,The other ISP's people consult me .which is satisfaction in profesioanl life,but Now i think why i did this all ,too much hard work for whome ,WHO NEED THID .

So people and family mebers say me to marry ,but the problem begin here ,if she will not be according to me ,i know my nature i will simply move to my inside core and leave her outside with everything ,She will have everything except me ,which can be painfull to her ,to live with a person who do not care her.

So do not u people think it will be a torture to her.May be the Married can better understand my feelings.

*Sardar Ahmiq Singh *
*Hujra Number 4 Nankana saab *

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** MERI khasti kay CAPTAAN**

Itnay SAAAD kioon ho? kia hoa? kissi nay kuch keh diya?

Or are you just having a bad hair day?
Understanding wife dhoondnay main problem ho raha hai? Hmmm well the problems you have described are indeed very complicated. Since there is family involved, you personal feelings and soo much more. There are some things that are unclear in your post....Or maybe I am just not quiet getting you point? So can you clear it up a lil bit......

Is your family pressuring you to get married? Did anybody say anything about how you have spent your last 10 years? Most importantly have you ever been in a relationship? Do you not to want to get married rite now or never?

waiting for your answers

Maharani jee di JAY HO!

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[quote]
Originally posted by LahoriMaharani:
**** MERI khasti kay CAPTAAN**

Itnay SAAAD kioon ho? kia hoa? kissi nay kuch keh diya?

Or are you just having a bad hair day?
Understanding wife dhoondnay main problem ho raha hai? Hmmm well the problems you have described are indeed very complicated. Since there is family involved, you personal feelings and soo much more. There are some things that are unclear in your post....Or maybe I am just not quiet getting you point? So can you clear it up a lil bit......

Is your family pressuring you to get married? Did anybody say anything about how you have spent your last 10 years? Most importantly have you ever been in a relationship? Do you not to want to get married rite now or never?

waiting for your answers

**
[/quote]

Well Maha i always believe that the woman can best understand situation when men fails.

Your questions

1:Did someone say you
2:your family is pushing you
3:have u ever been in relation
4:Do u want to marry later

*Did someone say u *

Very true (Agur mein betkulf ho ka kahoon )

DEF after parents i spent life in such a way that i was always prominent,Every one used to kiss my forhead coz i have no parents ,this is either a complex or reaction to over normality.But i hate when people tweak the things in such a ugly way that someone can not stay there ,even he is ghenghis khan like me,I have too much reaction against people inside me coz of their stupid behavior.

As one time somone said me ,that how can u marry ,even you do not have home to live and tow time food properly.What non sense people ,however i never get time to think these kinda ugly mind theiories ,but infact they exist unfortunatly.So when it comes to marriage People decide that seeing ur wealth not moral health which makes me boiling.

*Ur family is pushing *
Its true i have no family at all,

After parents many people came to power to own me as according to our family politics (typical choudhry family) ,and def my father's property (which i recently get back) is a major issue ,so here it comes again to Material and make me out of temper.So this increase my pain that i havnt any family then why i am going to up and forward ,for whome? (for myslef i can not do a two yard walk).When i decide to marry the "rules to marry " in pakistan are somewhat diffrent ,as i mention if i was in west actully that was not a problem.But in east it is neccesry to marry that u have a predefine family or so called family.

*Have u ever been in relation *
Yes
i know this is most important thing ,After spending 9 years of my tough animal life ,when in garduation i feel that someone is taking controll of my slef ,i did't resist for a minute.10 years pain of not having a mother or sister push me there and i forget everything ,But this time again my time was not with me ,so after proving me that she is best choice for me and making me so energetic that i got my father's property back ,complete study ,Find a job , prove my slef a good profesional and then we have a strange incident which cause us to leave eacth other>.Tanks to God that there was not a some typical problem this time and it was a combine decison ,but the worse thing happen to me ,that i taste the family life.Or u can say at least dream for some days, aur aik wife kesi hoti hay ya at least meri wife kesi honi chahey ,Muje idea hoa .

*Do u want to marry later *

This question ,if i am able to answer i am so powerful that i can solve everything for my own,

actully my inside is build by the completly abnormal situions.

The need of breath cause me to learn how to survive and and need of survival makes me excelent to exist and resist.But ur this question ,if say our this question is still a question and i never understand what to do.

I live in pak ,here this kinda independent Marriage totally does not exist.I have no one to decide about me ,

SO this is so swear that most of time i just satisfied myself that
"Dot worry soon you are going to die then everything ll be fine" :)

And will you believ that as a normal thought i work more for a death then to make my life stable (but please do not consider me abnormal )I think now u have better picture of situaion.

*Sardar Ahmiq Singh *
*Hujra Number 4 Nankana saab *

[This message has been edited by sailor (edited May 21, 2002).]

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This is the way life is my friend, at some point we have to take very serious decisions. we have to sacrifice things, peoples contact is very important. when we get old, when we get sick, computers dont come & ask us how are u feeling today, they dont take care of us, ppl do.

when we will die, computers wont come & burry us, but ppl will, computers wont cry, but ppl will. even on this ur very own GupShap…tell me the truth if something happens to me, or u, will it change any thing on here? probebly only one thread will be open & everyone will come & say “he was a great man, i miss him” thats all.

u r not important to computers, but yes, computers are important to u, didnt u ever dream about a person for whom u r the everything ? u r important to someone ? that person might be waiting for u… i might sound silly, but did u ever imagine when u r old & cant work any more a young energetic voice with greate love & grace tell u to “u dont need to work any more DAD i will take care of things now”… i know sometimes kids are pain in the neck but did ya ever imagine when u r trying to fix ur computer & some one holds ur pants & tell ya cryingly he wants an ice cream ?

or when u r in ur office in a niht shift a phone call with a sweet voice that tells u to take care of urself, someone really nice bringing u a cup of a coffee when u r at home fixing ur LINUX ?

wife is not a monster my friend, a wife could be the best frind u will ever have in ur life,…i m not asking u to chose one, a wife, or a computer, but beleive me with just lil sacrifice of ur time with computers, u can really see what heaven is on earth.

i m not saying married life does not create any problems, but what in the world doesnt create problems ? even ur networks crashes sometimes, & u have to work on to fix it, thats the same way it works in life u will have to work on to fix it, if u will just leave it & throuw it away it will never be fixed, (i m talking about any relation) ever had a huge shut down in a network or ur computers? didnt know what went wrong, after few days effort, tiered, almost dead when u fixed it, remeber that feeling ? when u work out to fix family problems u will feel the same relax, & beleive me families are not that complex to fix them again, just few soft words, a rose will always work no matter what the problem was.

sorry about huge post, probebly i didnt make much sense, but what i tryed to say is, look at the positive points of marriege not just the fear of taking things away from u, if it takes few hours of u which u spend with computers, in return it gives alot that u cant imagine.

Thank U for listning

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/bravo.gif

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**This is the way life is my friend, at some point we have to take very serious decisions. we have to sacrifice things, peoples contact is very important. when we get old, when we get sick, computers dont come & ask us how are u feeling today, they dont take care of us, ppl do. **

Truely Speaking same thing i said to new comers,when they come to me to ask ,

"Sir what is better for them "i always replied that good moral family life.

But my freind the problem is here is not my chioce as i have said again and again that i believe i am a person who can start life Like Taimour , Travell like Sikander and rule like Ghenghis but what this khan can do when the things are not in my hands.
**
when we will die, computers wont come & burry us, but ppl will, computers wont cry, but ppl will. even on this ur very own GupShap…tell me the truth if something happens to me, or u, will it change any thing on here? probebly only one thread will be open & everyone will come & say “he was a great man, i miss him” thats all.

u r not important to computers, but yes, computers are important to u, didnt u ever dream about a person for whom u r the everything ? u r important to someone ? that person might be waiting for u… i might sound silly, but did u ever imagine when u r old & cant work any more a young energetic voice with greate love & grace tell u to “u dont need to work any more DAD i will take care of things now”… i know sometimes kids are pain in the neck but did ya ever imagine when u r trying to fix ur computer & some one holds ur pants & tell ya cryingly he wants an ice cream ?

or when u r in ur office in a niht shift a phone call with a sweet voice that tells u to take care of urself, someone really nice bringing u a cup of a coffee when u r at home fixing ur LINUX ?
**

Very true and i always wish for this ,but what u ll do if she comes to me and very first day this successful person fails to handel a wife.

Wife i believe in not like a Linux (Easy to handel ,Stable to use), Wife is like Windows ,when where what driver cause illegal operation u do not know and most annoying thing in Islaam the restart button is the most diliking thing.
**
wife is not a monster my friend, a wife could be the best frind u will ever have in ur life,…i m not asking u to chose one, a wife, or a computer, but beleive me with just lil sacrifice of ur time with computers, u can really see what heaven is on earth.

i m not saying married life does not create any problems, but what in the world doesnt create problems ? even ur networks crashes sometimes, & u have to work on to fix it, thats the same way it works in life u will have to work on to fix it, if u will just leave it & throuw it away it will never be fixed, (i m talking about any relation) ever had a huge shut down in a network or ur computers? didnt know what went wrong, after few days effort, tiered, almost dead when u fixed it, remeber that feeling ? when u work out to fix family problems u will feel the same relax, & beleive me families are not that complex to fix them again, just few soft words, a rose will always work no matter what the problem was.
**

So here i can feel some good smell and wish and dream some good life ,but if u read my reply to Maha u ll find that the problem is not at mine end ,

Look ( i am too shy to talk about it but )
i can not say at road hanging a Card in my neck,

** Marry me **

I know if i do not have money to eat and i am three or 4 day hungry i will try to compile anything new in Linux but never say anyone to help,i think it will kill me,after parents when i was in 9th class i took me 3 weeks to ask my sister to givme 10 ruppee cause i have tu buy a math copy.

And as i mention this is marriage my firnd.
Qaimut waley din Mein kisi baat p ulja na ulja Leken Allah ka Damun iss bat pe zaroor khenchoon ga ke Yeh shadi wala musla dalna zaroori tha ,Afzish nasul Cd copyinh or some test tube baby prodction ke zarey Bhi ho sukti thi ,yeh shadi aur family ke juzbey rukh ke insaan ke under Allah mian ne bhi dandi mari hay yar.
**
sorry about huge post, probebly i didnt make much sense, but what i tryed to say is, look at the positive points of marriege not just the fear of taking things away from u, if it takes few hours of u which u spend with computers, in return it gives alot that u cant imagine.

Thank U for listning

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/bravo.gif

**

Finally i have only one way that i should adopt some kids and that is the only way to make my life normal,

**Sardar Ahmiq Singh **
**Hujra Number 4 Nankana saab **

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