Dear Pakilover
I would like to add something here , but Id only be repeating
you may think that your family are being harsh, but youve got to remember that they care for you and want the best for you.
but sometimes they dont know how to handle situations that are out of the ordinary
I would suggest that you at least try this
perhaps you can get your parents or an aunt to call his parents and see what they think.. Pakistani marriages involve the whole family..
It may have been difficult getting through to Pakistan ..especially at busy times like Eid etc but I reckon it should be ok at this time, and the same goes for calls from pakistan to the US
He is an adult and must do things properly..
ask him to speak to your parents, he must have lots of experience speaking to adults and will know how to handle them.
pakilover as i don’t know about your family i will not comment on them but let me give you MY personnal example:
when i was 18 i run out of my house to get married, because my parents were harsh on me psychologically because of my conversion to islam, so i got married to a muslim man who was 31 (met in masjid, not over the net).
sure that was not really a love marriage…but you know i realised that as my personal problems were not solved, i could not get success in future life, and freaked out that i would mess my kids …so i got divorce before having kids…and later on get education, travelled meet people, well i got a life…now i’m 25 and single…and ready to get married to the “right” guy i love in the future inshallah
well pakilover, get a life, and if you still wanna marry that guy in a few years, then why not?
Pakilover... you are NOTHING BUT HIS TICKET OUT OF PAKISTAN! Please get real and get a real life.
Are you in Law school already? Are you in the Military already? If no is answer to either of these questions, there is no way you will be a Military Lawyer in 2 years. Besides which Military Lawyers do not get paid for vacations to visit fiance's in Pakistan. If at all you are there as a Lawyer, honey you are probably going to be posted to a detention camp somewhere in Afghanistan. That is no picnic!
Something tells me either you are excessively naive or that we are being naive to even believe this story. Something does not add up.
And most folks overseas have green card detecting radars
built inside of them that can instantly pick up on any activity around them
by a green card holder/citizen.
You need to first learn how to stand on your own legs, then
you need learn walking on your own feet without using any
external support. Only Then think about marriage. Don't be
responsible for bringing 5 more immature children into
this already-populated-with-immature-people-world.
you may think that your family are being harsh, but youve got to remember that they care for you and want the best for you.
but sometimes they dont know how to handle situations that are out of the ordinary
I would suggest that you at least try this
perhaps you can get your parents or an aunt to call his parents and see what they think.. Pakistani marriages involve the whole family..
It may have been difficult getting through to Pakistan ..especially at busy times like Eid etc but I reckon it should be ok at this time, and the same goes for calls from pakistan to the US
He is an adult and must do things properly..
ask him to speak to your parents, he must have lots of experience speaking to adults and will know how to handle them.
Please dont cut your parents out
I have tried this before but my parents would even consider it an option
Are you in Law school already? Are you in the Military already? If no is answer to either of these questions, there is no way you will be a Military Lawyer in 2 years. Besides which Military Lawyers do not get paid for vacations to visit fiance's in Pakistan. If at all you are there as a Lawyer, honey you are probably going to be posted to a detention camp somewhere in Afghanistan. That is no picnic!
Something tells me either you are excessively naive or that we are being naive to even believe this story. Something does not add up.
everything that i have told you is true. why would i make up something like this?
Pakilover I am a convert married to a Pakistani and in about 99% of the marriages where the guy met the girl over the internet, the guy was greencard hunting, and hadn't even told his parents about the marriage.
Mixed marriages between a south asian and an american can be very very difficult, not necessarily because of the couple, but because of the cultural baggage and family issues that come with it. You are waaay too young to know how to deal with these situations. Marriage is tough enough, especially for someone so young, without adding to it the pressures of a cross-cultural or interreligious marraige. My marriage works well because we were older, I converted to Islam before I met my husband, because we have the same value system, his family is from a city, considered "modern", and lives separately from us. In addition, we have learned to draw boundaries and pick our battles. Nothing in a 17 year old's life could possibly prepare you to cope with this.
I have many friends who are also in mixed marriages, and have seen several friens have children and build lives with these men, but never go to Pakistan, or even meet his family, even after years. Turns out some had wives in Pakistan, and others left to have arranged marriages, after having the conditions removed on their green cards.
Intercultural marriages are not all bad, and if you were older and your family was more supportive, and the man was willing to introduce you to his family, then I might encourage you to give it a try. At this point in time, listen to your parents, they are honestly trying to protect you.
Mixed marriages between a south asian and an american can be very very difficult, not necessarily because of the couple, but because of the cultural baggage and family issues that come with it. You are waaay too young to know how to deal with these situations. Marriage is tough enough, especially for someone so young, without adding to it the pressures of a cross-cultural or interreligious marraige. My marriage works well because we were older, I converted to Islam before I met my husband, because we have the same value system, his family is from a city, considered "modern", and lives separately from us. In addition, we have learned to draw boundaries and pick our battles. Nothing in a 17 year old's life could possibly prepare you to cope with this.
I have many friends who are also in mixed marriages, and have seen several friens have children and build lives with these men, but never go to Pakistan, or even meet his family, even after years. Turns out some had wives in Pakistan, and others left to have arranged marriages, after having the conditions removed on their green cards.
Intercultural marriages are not all bad, and if you were older and your family was more supportive, and the man was willing to introduce you to his family, then I might encourage you to give it a try. At this point in time, listen to your parents, they are honestly trying to protect you.
his family did know about me and they couldnt wait to see me. they were having the wedding prepared already
Pakilover why r u wasting ur time? clearly everyone here besides u is on the same page. if u still choose to listen to your own heart as opposed to the 30+ ppl who have replied to you in this thread then just go ahead and do it. Ur parents seem about as unwilling to listen to anyone else as you are. From the looks of it there isn;t much u can do to convince them elsewise. that pretty much leaves you with just one option i.e. run away to pakistan. All we can do is wish u luck and hope that we are all wrong.
No offense but it is never that simple. No "good" Pakistani family is very anxious for their son to marry a gori (white girl). Even many religious families will have real issues with their sons marriage to a convert.
If they are so anxious to meet you then they have an agenda, or, more likely, an agreement that he will divorce you once he obtains a green card.
