Salaam, This is in religion forum because I want a religious answer. even an extreme religious answer because thats what my dads gonna throw at me anyway.
I would like to ask if I am islamically allowed to refuse a potential rishta based on the fact that I don’t find him the least bit attractive and yes Ive met him but there is no connection, click spark or anything. Yes he ticks all my parents boxes like good job house money, prays etc etc… but I dont feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy. Am I sooo wrong???
My parents are blackmailing me, threatening to never want anything to do with me and all sorts. They done this to me before and it ended in a disaster, I got divorced after 6 months. Now my age is 33 and recently recovered 100% from Cancer. Is all of that not enough to get off my back and give me a friggin break??
My parents fear “logue” and their accusations of why they havent got me married to someone yet. Its like my parents are supposed to wave a magic wand over me and I will be married. WTH!! My parents have said sme pretty nasty stuff to me like if you refuse this guy, no guy will ever accept me based on my age and **** thats happened to me in my life. ~( like me being a divorcee or being a cancer survivor is all my fault).
They said they will get someone from the mosque to come sit between us and decide who is right and who is wrong using Quran and Hadith.
Please someone help me and give me proper islamic guidance on how much right i actually have as a grown woman to choose who I get married to. After all I dont get what my parents are so worried about. They have taught me well but if don’t listen then whose fault is it? theirs or mine?? I’m pretty sure I will get punished and not them so why such fear of “logue” rather than Allah.
And people I DO want to get married, I’m doing everything to find myself someone but its hard when you don’t know any decent apnai guys. I’m on matrimonial sites, I’ve got friends on the case, im praying. What else can I do? I just need need some religious guidance now on my rights as a woman to choose who I marry. ALso what if i decide i dont want to get married at all? Am I allowed to make that decision?
See I do understand my dads point of view of being a father of two daughters in their 30’s both not married and he is incredibly pareshaan. But I just think that still does not give him the right to put so much pressure on us when its not like he’s lived a life of sainthood. He’s messed up in his life so many times and dragged us through the mud with him but no we supposed to forgive him but he cant allow us to make our mistakes and learn from them.Oh no!!!
Re: HELP ME PLEASE
Dad feels like people look down on him for not getting us married and he feels ashamed that he still looking after us budiyan (me and my sister) rather than our husbands. But this is all because of fear of people not fear of Allah and Ive said that to him but he doesn't agree. He says he fears Allah too because Allah has prescribed for him to get us married. Btw we both are not yet married because we lived all our lives in a gora town and knew no asians and then we also went through tough tough life situations that prevented us from looking for rishtas wen we were younger. But " logue" dont know about what we've lived through and yet dad still falls for their criticisms. Why??
Re: HELP ME PLEASE
Peace heart n soul,
Hope for better, give alms, be patience all the time and pray to Almighty Allah. Beside any religious advice, plz seek legal (law) help/advice. You both sisters are adults and can decide what is better for you. No law force u both to marry whom u don't wants and even Islam doesn't allow/support force marriage.
Beside what you told about your father, I say just look at yourself once and see if at any stage, have u done any mistake or not. Give yourself sometime, free your mind and try to find the weak point (if any).
Almighty Allah app ki muskil asan kary Ameen.
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Sum Ameen. Thank you LK. I appreciate your responce.
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Peace heart n soul,
Almighty Allah says: “Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (chapter 2 verse 216).
When I’m in trouble or in need of something, I usually start reading this dua "لا** إلهَ إلا أنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنْتُ مِنَ الظّالِمِيْنَ " **after Tahhajud Namaz till Fajer. In between that, I read many many times two rakats of Nafl-e-Hajat Namaaz and make dua (either in second Ruku or while in Sajdah position) that Almighty Allah may grant me what is best for me and if it is not in my favour then don’t grant it at all. Beside the above Dhikar I also read this too: اللّهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إلا ما جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلا وَأنتَ تَجْعَلُ الحَزْنَ إذا شِئْتَ سَهْلا
Plz note that we shall not lose our hopes because of any situation which we are facing. Such situation either and expiation for sins or a means of raising one’s degree in sight of Almighty Allah. As Almighty Allah says: “He knows, while we know not”, so be in patience and hope for best from Almighty Allah and 
you will get best by His will.
Lastly, just wanted to add that I got for what I prayed but not in days, weeks or month but after few years. Therefore, be in patience, don’t lose the hope and keep praying till u got it and even after that too.
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I like what lethal kamikaze said...and would be taking that advice too :). I would say do istikhara (or if you dont want to do it)...tell your parents that you did and you don't get a good feeling from this rishta. End of story. On to the next. I'm in the same boat as you (where all things tick off on their checklist) and frankly if you're not feelin it...then you're really.just.friggin.not.feeling.it. There's nothing more to explain. If they say nasty things, remember you have fought off bigger demons..divorce and cancer. Let it go in one ear and out the other. I know that things parents say might sting more than what other "logue" may have to say, but at the end of the day, who cares? You have to live your life, not them.
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Thanks all, I just want to say I want to give my parents the example of where a lady got into an arranged marriage and after she went to the prophet and said I want to divorce this man simply because I do not like him. Not that he is a bad man or anything but that I do not feel like I can love and respect him in the way that Islam and enjoined upon me to do. And the prophet allowed her to ask for the divorce. This shows that even the prophet did not beleive in a rishta where the girl was not happy and even when she sited that there was nothing wrong him and he was a good man but ashe just did not like him full stop.
I don't know if this is just a story or if there is an actual hadith on it but if anyone can pls remind me of the full details I would be grateful.
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LK the first dhikr you wrote I do read that often myself too, I think it may even have been the reason I survived the cancer. I never once in all my life said why me to any bad saituation I been in. I always believe that all good comes fom Allah and all bad comes from within ourselves or shaitan. I know that cancer was a way of maybe paying for my sins in this life and not the next and I am grateful for everything that comes to me. The thing is i now I am just very tired of fighting all the time. I really am not a bad person so now when I'm still having all these problems I feel like giving in to their pressures all over again just to preove that I'm not a bad a person. Sooo scared
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Peace heart n soul,
May Almighty Allah mercy on u. Ameen.
If I say I understand ur situation and aware from what u r going through then believe me I don't. U r the one standing in the field facing the balls and one and only u know how to play/face that ball. We see u r playing and we say it either ur playing good or bad but in reality we don't know how much pressure on u and what problems u r facing being in the field.
My point is that the so called 'louge' just like us who are sitting there, watching & commenting on one who is playing but as soon the match is over sooner or later they'll forget about it. The person who will remember it for the rest of his/her life is the one who was actually playing in. So the power, help, strength which will keep u still, bold and solid is the power, help, strenght from Almighty Allah which u can ask as long as u keep praying (strenght that will keep u still), power (increase in patience level that will keep u solid) and help from Almighty Allah (make u very bold to make wise decision).
I read ur first post and concluded that u r a very strong, powerful, bold and loving person especially among those who really care, respect their parents, never say or act in such way which cause to hurt parents. That is why I didn't write anything related to parents.
There is no need to be getting scared. You have all wit n wisdom in u, don't think a lot about the current situation, be in patience, pray to God and let the time decide what is best for u as willed Almgihty Allah for u.