Re: Help.. advice... :(
18....good lord.
She's a child.
Re: Help.. advice... :(
I agree with the above comments. It is definitely the age gap. He is more mature than her and she is just 18. I think she is acting very childish and zidii.
Wish you guys all the best though, good luck!
Re: Help.. advice... :(
considering the age gap...i feel like ur brother needs to be little more flexible n if he truly has ever liked her he needs to bring her around in a loving manner...allow her to grow up ...
I can only think of two solutions:
either
1) maybe it wud be best in this situation if the engagement wasnt broken off but the two didnt talk to each other much until maybe she's done with college
or
2) if ur bro wants to get married like yesterday ....find another girl for him
Re: Help.. advice... :(
u all are so right about the age difference, well y my brother is engaged to her... becoz
- my nani really really wanted this to happen
- my mamo and my mother have a great bhai-behan relationship
- my brother is very much lovedddd by my cousin and my mamo family ( bhai is a typical example of naik shareef larka stuff, lol )
- my cousin had a good attitude and stuff
and well, i talked to her, she did not say anything abt bhai, she just said she knew she was very rude to bhai last time when they talked, and now she doesnt know what to do :S
whereas, bhai has quite a number of issues... about the respect thing, well he says she talks in a batameez manner :S and one more stupid thing :S well, whenever bhai and cousin fight, my momani (cousin's mother) even stops talking to bhai and my mom
funny yet bad
momani is acting strange too :S
the problem is what shd i do now? ask my mom to end this as its not working?
ask bhai to give it some more time? i dont know whta shd be done now.... calling it off isnt easy... that's the BIGGEST problem while doing 'rishtay' in family :(
Re: Help.. advice... :(
ask bhai to give it some more time? i dont know whta shd be done now.... calling it off isnt easy... that's the BIGGEST problem while doing 'rishtay' in family
yes...give it more time.....once the issue gets into the elders...it will blow up....and yes...family relations will be strained....and whole extended family will be affected.....
talk to your bro....talk out with the girl......try to clear the misunderstanding (if it is only a misunderstanding)....and if the girl continues the rude behaviour......then break it...
Re: Help.. advice... :(
AOA,
i never thought i wld actually be writing one of such issues, which i have been reading here on GS.
well, my brother got engaged to our cousin. It's been 6-7 months ( arranged) . A month back my brother called me and he seemed very upset, saying that our cousin behaves very badly, does not respect our family & him and on top of all that, she talks in a manner which hurts my brother. I cooled him down, and said him, u tend to fight between engagement period, its normal, just try to be calm and ignore if she says something which hurts you etc etc
now, he called me again yesterday, he was very very furious, and angry and he said he wants to get out of it now :S i talked to my mother and she said she's very much worried because of what is going on between the two.
NOW, i need opinion, I said to my brother that i'll talk to our cousin, (becoz it is important to know her point of view ofcourse, i cant 100% accept what brother dear is saying, i need to know the problem and issues of my bhabi-to-be too). I am really really skeptical and scared, that SHOULD i talk to her about this matter or not? How will she take it? she is younger than me ( 6 -7 years), we always had a good relation with each other.
yesterday, my brother said he can not struggle with her through all his life, but i think he's just angry becoz of something she might have said. i kept saying him try a bit more, she's young, immature etc etc but his point is she does not respect him. This is so bad, i wish things turn back again :(
advice plz, shd i or shd i not ask my cousin, or because as per my brother's reaction, things will pretty soon be in front of the elders, i think it will be much more complicated then, i personally, want to give it a try on our level....
?
I think you should talk to her. I'll say you on your own should talk to her since it could be uncomfortable in presence of others and as you said you have a good understanding with this girl so she may be able to tell you her point of view with more comfort. good luck.
Re: Help.. advice... :(
yes...give it more time.....once the issue gets into the elders...it will blow up....and yes...family relations will be strained....and whole extended family will be affected.....
talk to your bro....talk out with the girl......try to clear the misunderstanding (if it is only a misunderstanding)....and if the girl continues the rude behaviour......then break it...
he called me last month, saying all this and i said him exact the same thing, cool down a bit with her, treat her with care, she's too young etc etc... he said ok, i'll try
and now he called me again, 4 -5 days back, saying she's the same, the main issue he's having is that she's avoiding talking to ammi ( God knows WHY) becoz before she was like very much in love with ammi, and now, i dont know but because of some reason bhai asked her to call ammi and she kept saying no, he said its a limit now, he cant compromise on everything ( she aint pretty, no i am NOT judging her on that ) he didnt have any issue related to her physical appearance before but now he says, she is not even pretty and she behaves so badly... i cant compromise on everything... he's justified in saying so sadly ( IF she's really behaving badly)
if i think of bhai's happiness i think of trying to help him get out of it, and if i think of my cousin i just feel sad...
Re: Help.. advice... :(
^unfortunatly....you can't do much being in another country......
it seems your brother wasn't very enthusiastic about it to begin with.....and he has found a reason.....so ur bro might not have any place for her in his heart now..........
Re: Help.. advice... :(
This might be a silly idea....but in my family the elder and wiser members try and smooth family feuds..the 'busurq' or however you spell it.
Cant your nani speak to them?
Re: Help.. advice... :(
nahi, he was very happy in the beginning
thats why i am so worried, as to why he is so annoyed with her now :S and NO, her outlook was not at all a problem for him
actually she used to telephone/skype ammi quite a lot in the beginning, and now she's completely not talking to ammi ( or my sister who lives with ammi) so much so it is becoming noticeable.
and he even said IF she tries to be friendly with him AND the family, he's ok with it... but so far she hadnt tried..... i really dont want to say her to talk to ammi or be friendly with his family, it sounds so in-law'ish :S
Re: Help.. advice... :(
nahi, he was very happy in the beginning
thats why i am so worried, as to why he is so annoyed with her now :S and NO, her outlook was not at all a problem for him
actually she used to telephone/skype ammi quite a lot in the beginning, and now she's completely not talking to ammi ( or my sister who lives with ammi) so much so it is becoming noticeable.
and he even said IF she tries to be friendly with him AND the family, he's ok with it... but so far she hadnt tried..... i really dont want to say her to talk to ammi or be friendly with his family, it sounds so in-law'ish :S
it's a confusing issue...if he wasnt enthusiastic about this rishta to begin with i think you guys should break it off
if he did like her in the beginning but now he's upset with her because she isnt speaking with ur ammi i think u shud suggest her to speak with ur ammi more often and tell her why u are making the suggestion...i think if u are truly doing this because you care about her and if u make this recommendation to her in the same manner a friend wud...it will not seem in-lawish
one more thing to consider is ...is ur brother going to keep finding issues he "cant compromise" with because "she isnt even pretty"? cuz if that is the case then save the poor kid (girl) from the misery and ur brother too and let it end right now
Re: Help.. advice... :(
u all are so right about the age difference, well y my brother is engaged to her... becoz
- my nani really really wanted this to happen
- my mamo and my mother have a great bhai-behan relationship
- my brother is very much lovedddd by my cousin and my mamo family ( bhai is a typical example of naik shareef larka stuff, lol )
- my cousin had a good attitude and stuff
and well, i talked to her, she did not say anything abt bhai, she just said she knew she was very rude to bhai last time when they talked, and now she doesnt know what to do :S
whereas, bhai has quite a number of issues(
Not only young, she is NOT prepared for this commitment. It is obvious and very apparent. She is probably trying to make everyone happy that is why she is going through with this. But she is child for god sake!. Your brother will constantly face same problem if the root cause of her behaviour is not addressed. And sorry to say your underlined reasons for brother getting engaged with this cousin is not good enough!.
You mentioned that your brother is loved by your mamoo's family..sorry NOT good enough reason. I am sure he must be shareef dude but marriage is more than all this. It is about your brother and your cousin or whatever potential rishta he will have. Have your parents tried to introduce him to other ristha's?. Has he talked to girls who are more mature?. If the answer is no, then your brother and your cousin will constantly face same problem.
I am saying all that because, my best friend's cousin has gone through same thing..and now my best friend's cousin and his cousin-wife are filing for divorce after 1 year. And all the rishtay dari bharr main gaye. lol Go figure.
Re: Help.. advice... :(
. If he doesn't even find his wife attractive then why marry her? Because nani wants it? That's not good enough reason. If he is not happy himself and doing it for his nani then that is bad. It's better to break the engagement now if he doesn't like the girl rather than breaking the actual nikkah and ruining relationships between the whole family.
Re: Help.. advice... :(
This is pretty clear cut, all this before marriage, why even get urself into something that you can see now where its heading. If you think shes gona get better after marriage then i think ur wrong. She is only engaged yet and shes showing so much nakhray, this is the time when u be more patient to avoid engagment breaking, but shes showing her colours now in the sense that this is who i am
you guys have been given a chance to see this before any commitment. speak to you mum about it and she can speak to her dad, get the issues out once and for all
Re: Help.. advice... :(
This is why I hate it when elders want a particular rishta to happen... And that's given as a reason enough for the rishta to happen... like wth
The elders in my family want two of my cousins to get married, whilst if anyone had any sense they'd see they're completelyyy uncompatible! Now everyone's sighing and moaning that the rishta should have happened!
Re: Help.. advice... :(
hmm i really feel for both... and i really want this to end BUT my cousin really loves bhai and she does not want this to end :S
and bhai well apparently he is not really happy now and he partly wishes to have a beautiful wife and partly wishes to carry on the engagement IF she tries to behave nice... i think now he is confused as well...
ok thank you for the help :)
I wish everything gets settled amin
Re: Help.. advice... :(
Seems to me they are both confused.
You say he was happy at the start so i can only assume that it was due to her behaviour that he has changed his mind? But is he being reasonable? 'call my mother ammi' i mean i know that's whatt he wants but i mean as you are related already maybe this is something that she just doesn't feel comfortable about? There could be a range of factors.
What is your momani like? seeems like daal me kuch kala hai. I don't know how genuine she is? Could it be your cousin is being influenced by her mother?
Bottom line is if they aren't happy they should say no- it will cause more problems after the wedding and hurt the family further
Re: Help.. advice... :(
I am trying to help both, thx for the suggestions :)
mods feel free to delete this thread.
Thank You!