So I have been living in the States since I was 5 yrs old, and am now 20. I have NEVER been to a Pakistani shaadi, and I am really freaking out about my own wedding which will be in a year inshallah in Gujranwala. It is a khaandani wedding to my cousin, and I am afraid to ask my mom any of these things cause frankly, she freaks out when I do, and it’ll end up being known by the entire family before long. I was just wondering if you all could let me in on some stuff.
1. Can someone explain the different days? I know what baraat, nikkah, rukshati, mehndi and walima, but I have no clue about the mayoun, maklawa, or any others there might be.
2. What will be the best time to have mehndi put on? I’m guessing before the actual mehndi night, but let me know if I’m wrong.
3. Why is it so wrong for a bride to let her mom know she doesn’t want a certain color lehnga??? I told my mom one time that I thought that was a cute lehnga, and it was after my engagement, and she’s just like “Larkion aisey nahi bolte, unki choice nahi hoti lehnga ka…”. It was grrr…
4. When should I start the skin care regimen? And what should I use. I will be going to the gym everyday inshallah up till the wedding. SInce I am still in college, that means straight afer I take my finals, we will be leaving for the motherland. I usually use St. Ives apricot scrub and Nuetrogene soap, so should I stick to that? Will rose water help with anything?
5. I do my own plucking/threading, so should I not do it for a month or two before the wedding? This includes upper lip and eyebrows…
Any and all help would be greatly appreciated! I don’t want to give any of those old biddies a chance at poking fun at me during my day!
Seriously? No on'es gonna help me out? Please guys, I don't want to make a fool out of myself at my own wedding!!!!!!! IT'll be enough with all the guests like "Oh, she's from the States so we have to watch her like a hawk and if she even does the tiniest littlest thing wrong, we won'tbe understanding, we'll just pounce and badmouth her...."
Re: Help a poor bride who's too afraid to ask her mom cause it will go around the fam
What are you worried about? Its your wedding, dont pay attention to people talking...they will talk even if you're perfect.
Some people do a mayun, some people dont. It really depends on the family. Mayun is usually smaller then a mehndi...familly/close friends only and there are rasms...little traditions that are practiced like putting ubtan on the girl's face to give her that wedding day glow. In our family, we do dhol and dancing which is pretty typical.
Muklawa - the next day. The day after your wedding, you will go to your parents' home and spend the day there...in the evening hubby will come and get you. Sometimes, hubby stays and sometimes he doesnt.
Dholki - small, intimate gatherings pre-wedding. Basically, there is dhol, dancing, singing, mehndi applications, etc.
Having mehndi on for your mehndi function is ideal. I would maybe have a day in the middle where you can give it a chance to really set into your hands though. But yeah, you should have it on the day of your mehndi.
About your mom...lol. There is nothing wrong with choosing your own outfit...most do it. Your mom might be more strict then others though. I would try to talk to her and see if she can understand?
Skin care regimen should start immediately to make sure your skin is in prime condition by the time of your wedding...no marks, no scars, bumps or acne. Gina is the go-to person for this.
Why would you stop plucking/threading at all? I didnt.
Re: Help a poor bride who's too afraid to ask her mom cause it will go around the fam
^ congratz on ur shaadii luvvv
the days of wt i knw are :
dholkis : usually held at ur relatives place..it cud b ur chachi.. popo..mamo..khala.. who ever..
its basically a function..where families gather..eat food..dance.. play the dhol.. etc
mayoon : a few days or a week b4 da mehndi.. thats where u put ubtan on da bride..u "decorate" her wid flowers..churiyans.. etc... ppl play the dhol n dance too :P
mehndi..baraat..valima.. u already knw :P
maklawa... day after da valima.. where da new couple goes to the gurls house for dinner.. da gurls inlaws, other family n ferinds gather too....
2... mehndi.. myyy peference is putting it 72 hrs (3 days) prior to da mehndi.. coz dats wen da colour of da mehndi is at its fullest..
in regards to da lehenga issue.. i guess it depends on da family.. imean wid me.. i tell mom everything.. but dats just me..
i don't really know.. im doing NOTHINg to my face.. im to scaredd..lol
do ur eyesbrows/plucking n all 3 weeks b4 da weddin..DEN do it da day b4 :)
Re: Help a poor bride who's too afraid to ask her mom cause it will go around the fam
^ can i ask you something? how do u feel going to pakistan n getting married when u have not been there before? i am asking because i know i will get married there whenver i will but then i think about how i will be so alone when my friends r not there n thats y i want to know what everyone does in this situation, r u planning on having a function here?
Oh I've been there before. My entire khandaan is there. Only an aunti, and bari nano or whatever she is are here in the States. We try to go back every three years or so but it's hard. But I know what you're saying; I just keep thinking about what I'm going to do after the wedding when I'll be there alll alone, and with my khala's susraal as I don't know ANY of them. I'm so afraid of screwing up, which is why I'm so glad I found GS! Everyone will be going back there inshallah for the function, maybe I'll just have a small party for friends, but that's it. I don't really have any close friends here cause I live in a very gora neighborhood, and they just don't get the customs.... All I know is, even if my family won't be there, my soon to be hubby inshallah will be, and he's really understanding and patient so I know he'll understand.....
Although.....one thing I'm really worried about is what am I gonna do without hot water?!?!?! :D Lol! Just don't freak that much, I bet your family will make a rishta for you with someone who is understanding inshallah!
Good luck on ur wedding! it sounds scary but everything will turn up fine, n i m sure ur guy will help u out alot as u have said as u have an understanding fiance, who will help u
as for the hot water, u have to go there n see for urself! i mean i know when i go there in winter, we have hot water but in summer its so hot that u get used to the cold water!
Re: Help a poor bride who's too afraid to ask her mom cause it will go around the fam
as for the question u asked on top,
I think it depends on the family and if they allow the girl to make choices about her wedding day and what not, i have told my mom already that i will agree with her on everything else but i wll be the one picking up my clothes, jewelry and venue and other wedding related stuff n she can handle all the other matters.
also i dont think u shuld stop doing ur eyebrows and upper lips because when u go from here, everyone will be coming to meet u n see u so u wanna look good even before the wedding.
n u can start caring about ur skin right now as everyone should be using be caring about their skin regularly and do u have any cousins/sister who r ur age who can help u with this stuff, n they can also help u with stuff u cant talk about ur mom with.
Re: Help a poor bride who's too afraid to ask her mom cause it will go around the fam
*@pklover, I can't ever shower with cold water otherwiae I get sick! And my only girl cousins from my mom's side are my khala's betiyan, and they are going to be my SIL's. And I really don't wanna ask them cause I'm afraid they'll judge me for it. And we are not close to my father's side and the only girl close to my age sees everything with me as sort of a competition cause her mom is like that...... *
Mahiya, my grandparents are in Jarr Mohallah. I don't know if that's where the shaadi hall is gonna be though. My mom and khala want a small intimate wedding, so hopefully, I won't have to worry about those horror stories with kids, which btw, freaked me out so much that am I getting all the younger siblings and cousins to do stage patrol..... :)
So...anyone know of any good parlours in that area? AND I just remembered, what kinds of flowers are available for a fresh bouquet? I don't want roses as it is sooooo overdone.....same with calla lillies....