The series continues ..... and all please add their fav jokes to the series ....
Two college students attending their old
principal's funeral...
The priest goes on to say, 'He was loving, kind-
hearted, interesting, loved by everyone and pure
of heart.'
The college students look at each other and
exclaim, 'I think we are at the wrong funeral!'
"My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.
The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding
Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. Some distance further down the track
Little Red Riding Hood again encounters the Big Bad Wolf, this time
crouched behind a road sign.
"My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams... "Will you get lost !!!! I'm
trying to shit in peace !!!
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor swaying.
FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
ACTION: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strip across it.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up, latch yourself to bar.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dark.
FAULT: The Bar is closing.
ACTION: Panic.
SYMPTOM: You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet. You cannot see your bedroom.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in.
Rudra