i have another question not exactly related to my last topic, but maybe somewhat. My mother in law is extremely (to the power of infinity) religious. now, whenever she comes to visit or stay with us, she finds somthing or the other wrong with the kind of food we eat. it is all zabiha halal, my wife is firm about this, but my mother in law always finds some “smell” or “taste” or something objectionable. even if it daal roti, she will have a spoonful as if she is doing someone a favor. it is affecting her health a lot, but she is insistent that she can only eat “the right kind of things”. and she cries a lot, if my wife or I say the smallest thing to her, she takes it all in the wrong sense. is it appropriate to let your elders starve themselves for some zidd or the other? we try to talk sense into her, but she says everything we do is wrong. what do we do? my marriage has lasted thirteen years, and everysince the first day, my mother in law has been like this. however, her own sons treat her with disrespect and she is perfectly happy with that.
Re: health and religion
no clue, may Allah help you
Re: health and religion
LEt her buy her food.......take her for shopping...jo chaye khud khareed lain.....
Re: health and religion
my wife even gave her our bank card and cash to buy whatever she wants - food, clothes, misc., etc... her mother says "i am a guest in your house, i will eat whatever you give me" etc. now she has not eaten for 24 hours just because she is upset at something (my kid was crying and wife picked the baby up when her mom had told her to let it cry). pls pray for us, jazakAllah.
Re: health and religion
sigh
Attention is all she is doing this for. My friend, please see my response in the other thread. This is the same kind of thing as a three-year-old holding their breath. As long as there is attention coming her way, it will persist and get worse.
If she was medically ill, then that is one thing and serious, however this is a choice she is making. So, just inform her that you realize that this is her choice and when she is ready to eat, the food is available. And then, stick by your decision, this is important. Ask her how she feels and if she again tries to lay guilt at your feet, give it back politely and resppectfully by saying food is available, either eat it or go out and get it.
Then you and your wife have to be strong and respectful - together. It is a fine line and takes a lot patience and communication between the two of you (you and your wife), but you have to do it. Both for your families sanity and to stop this bad behavior. There is nothing that says you must accept bad behavior because someone is related to you. Your wife also needs direction from you, please remember this is her mother and she needs more support and maybe even "permission" from you to be strict with her mother. It is hard for me to say no to my mother but easier if I know I have support and back-up from my husband. Believe me, my mother has tried a few things and we have had to set limits.
As I mentioned in the other thread, your wife's and your priorities are first your marriage and children, then everything else outside of that. Set limits and stick to them, everyone, including your mother-in-law, will be happier in the long run.
I am praying for you and your wife.
Re: health and religion
thank you for your advice, wife has also read it and we will try to follow it. MIL is awake and sitting alone in her bedroom, her son is asleep and cousin just left to go out. wife asked MIL to eat and she said she will eat when she is hungry. wife also even apologized if she said anything wrong and MIL said no you didnt say anything and so wife closed door and is tending to kids now. it is hard to be hard with parents, they feel you are hurting them. MIL told my wife "how much more you intend to hurt me?". btw, we had love marriage 14 years ago, and it rankles with her.
Re: health and religion
I have love marriage, also, and I am American and Catholic. My husband is Pakistani and Muslim. We were going insane at one point with the two families and trying to balance and please everyone, but it was impossible. We had to take a step back and focus on our children and family. It is hard to be firm with people who brought you up, but sometimes you have to.
Good luck.
Re: health and religion
Guest in your house…that’s the root of the problem. My family believes that this, my, yours thing doesn’t exist. We all share and co-operate and help each other. Your wife is completely over-burdened and over-worked. Your MIL is showing immaturity and selfishness. If you have a problem you discuss it and solve that problem in a rational way. You don’t go on a hunger strike to make others feel guilty for something they should not feel guilty about. She is seeking attention and she knows she lacks power essentially. So she is trying to manipulate and guilt you all into giving her control. Believe me I’m praying for you all. Your wife is intelligent. She’s doing the right thing and she is very respectful. But there’s only so much patience and sanity one woman can have. So you can’t let this living situation go on any longer for wife’s and kids..and your sake.
Re: health and religion
everybody loves raymond
Re: health and religion
You should be thankful it is your wife's mother and NOT your own.