Remember the guy I went to see for rishta (OMG it sounds so cliche from desi standards). He called me today and he appologized that he was unable to contact me earlier due to ramdan as mostly his days are spent in the office and evenings in iftaar and taraweeh.
So we talked a little bit and he told me that after ramdan his family has to go to some other state to meet another girl’s family and after that his family can decide any thing because his family already had made plans/committed to go meet the girl before meeting me.
After that he said that he’ll come to my city next weekend to meet me because last time we didn’t had much time to talk. He said we can hangout in the city for a while and then can have iftaar together and then he’ll return back (it’s for the whole get to know each other more thingie).
I told him that I’ll ask my family and will reply back. I know my family won’t be having any issues with that but I find the whole situation absurd. I mean if they have liked me then why the hell they are going to look at some one else and why he wants to meet me then when he knows that the decision can be in favor of the other girl. Doesn’t it seem like that he would be wasting my time evantually?
Now I don’t know should I agree to meet him or not? We are both mature and sensible so I am not worried about the meeting alone part. It’s just that I can’t digest the fact that I am just an option. I wanted to meet him becuase I did kindda liked him and wanted to discuss some of the questions that I had in my mind but this phone call just left a bad taste in my mouth. What should I do now?
It's just that I can't digest the fact that I am just an option.
Welcome to the world. It sucks.
Give your ego a chance to recover and then do as the chap above suggests, decide if you like him enough to meet him again.
i think it's quite common for people to consider many options during the process instead of going in a more linear way with seeing one person at a time. I think you should have known that going in. Islamically i don't think it's right, but when have desi practices focused on islam more than tradition?
Look, he's being honest with you; lots of times, the side rishtas are never mentioned until the couple are married and the subject comes up. I think the problem is that both sides are not approaching the rishta with the same level of commitment, and that's what is making you a bit hurt by the convo. You got attached a little too quickly; just think of it as a practice run if nothing else. You should see this the way he sees it- as a consideration, and you should keep your options open too. If you have a positive feeling with his personality, agree to meet him.
when the ball will be in your court, then worry about everything. at the moment if he wants to meet and you also like him and you and your family dont have any issues about this meet then go for it.
as for the other girl...well the fact is neither you fall in love with the guy neither did he, but you both like each other that is why he contacted you for another meet and you bother to start a thread here. :p
so what is he suggesting? a date alone? i'd say do not. ask him to bring his family and meet you again when you're at home with your parents. no need to go on a date with him. else invite him over to your family home for iftar. at most you can chat on msn. don't meet him alone, its not right.
He would not have talked to you about the other option. You might not have known anything?
You would have found out from some other party. You would have been crying for him not telling you?
Appriciate the fact that the lad is being honest. You should be more worry about finding out if he is the right option for you. Marriage is very complicated "thing" and its better to get to know each other first.
Take this golden opportunity to find out if you are compatible. Also make sure both families know about the meeting time/place etc.
Hmm - I think he likes you. And wants to see you. And is unsure of this other rishtaa thats why wants to see you to make the decision. Otherwise why would he?
personally it is Ramadan. And seeing a man even for Rishtaa. Not the best. But if you go - you may regret it. Just make sure the conversation is cival and is in the public eye. If you do decide to go. I would also advise you tell your parents you are seeing this person.
Thanks every one for your advise. You guys actually made sense. I should quit being a girl and start thinking sensibly. I think I'll meet him because I myself wanted to know more about him and his family before any one of us decides any thing.