Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
Pro-marriage counsellors? (councilors btw are a completely different profession :p)
As opposted to ant-marriage ones?
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
Be happy I’m not typing in text speak!
You get two types of counselors - ones that rugsweep such issues and ones that tackle them head on. If you have good boundaries, it shouldn’t be an issue, but all it takes is one moment - a compliment, flirting that goes on to emotional affairs leading on to physical affairs and the consequent destruction of marriages and your kids stability. I repeat, if you have strong boundaries, it shouldn’t be an issue - I’ve seen a lot of households destroyed by affairs that started out as just friends.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
I truly believe that such people are subconsciously looking out for such kina relationships! And for those people it can be ur gardener, watchman, plumber, a guy crossing the street etc not just limited to friends!
People who want to be involved in such things find a way & a person quite conveniently.
Boundaries & respect are the key to any relationship, not just friends.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
I am a firm believer men and women can’t be very very friends. I’ve proven this theory many times. Men hang out with us with hopes of “something” happening and they may be too ashamed or shy to say anything and they can go on for years and years pretending to be friends while wishing for something more.
And hanging out with opposite sex alone is crazy. In a company yes but not alone.
Plus if your husband is great, you would not want to hang out with other guys. I can’t see myself hanging out with my ex guy friends because my husband is 100X better than any of them. He is the only friend I need.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
No, it can’t be platonic but there’s something called mutual respect.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
Sooo true!!
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
Why is there even a comparison between ur husband and a friend (who just unfortunately happens to be a guy), I don’t get? 
She clearly compared her husband to her friends and said that he is 100X better then them and he is the only friend she needs.
Does no one see how naive that comparison and that statement was? You are basically saying that keeping friends doesn’t interest you cuz ur world revolves around ur husband! How is that even healthy? I’m guessing u haven’t made some true friends in ur life cuz u obviously lack the understanding that what good friends have to offer in an individual’s life (and NO ur world can’t revolve around one person, that’s unhealthy on so many levels)
And If I have friends that happen to be guys does that mean I’m not happy with my husband? What kina bull is that, really? I have had a love marriage and I really wish I could give u access into my life even for a day, your limited thinking would definitely change!
I dont get how can people so conveniently leave/throw genuinely good friends out of their lives just cuz they are now married? I mean seriously?!?!?! then don’t even bother talking to people from the opposite sex in the first place! If you are going to be so bais in terms of ‘he is a guy I can’t talk to him after my shadi or she is a girl I can’t talk to her after my shadi’ then why bother being friends with them in the first place? Are people so insecure of their love for their spouses that they view ‘male friends’ as temptations?
Friends are friends for crying out loud
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
You can’t really compare friends with your family. People live their lives differently, and its not only healthy, rather its common for people to run their life around their family. Friends come and go, change location, work etc. No doubt there are some special friends that are above the rest, but, still, they are friends, cannot come even close to one person, you spend and share your life with. Spouse is not just a “person”, spouse is a pivotal part of a structure called family. And nothing comes even close to family.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
Maybe I’m weird to think that some friends that stick by u through thick and thin have the right to become ur family. They may not be ‘blood’ but honestly I don’t percieve them to be anything but my own ‘blood’.
No one seems to get that concept here I guess.
Also, I for one believe in a balanced life. Everyone who deserves my time gets it in some way or the other..the amount of time definitely differs (for example my husband definitely gets most) but there is a mutual understanding amongst all of us that physcially with our presence we may not be around alot but we make it a point to WhatsApp or call/Skype each other to be up to date with each other lives every week or so. I have always thought of it to be normal!
P.s: when I mention ‘them’ I mean guys/girls both..its a particular group of friends in my life in referring to.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
Some people really value exclusivity, as do I. In your previous post, you made it clear that your husband and friends while have different positions in your heart theyre equally important and you NEED both in your life. I dont view it that way, and ive had many close friends but friends come and go as iconoclast mentioned and are not always dependable because they have their own lives and families to worry about. When i get married, i hope my my wife will occupy most of my heart and id do anything and everything for her, my love will be reserved for her, and itll be a healthy. When you really value something it becomes really special..i want to reserve that space for my future wife only..you clearly value close friends A LOT including guy friends and you can’t even fathom your life without them..but i would hope my wife reserved such strong feelings for me, I’d want to be the one and only that she can’t live with out..and I’d have same feelings for her.. it would be very special and romantic..lol think of all the great love stories there was something magical about being crazy in love with a person, none of those stories focus on close friendships as being equally important lol..I’m a romantic at heart, can’t help it..and I feel there are some aspects that should only be reserved and shared with a spouse only and not with anyone else..husband and wife relationship should supercede every other relationship including friends..I wouldn’t want my wife to act like she does with me with everyone else, it takes away from how special it is if she is doing it with everyone else..I wouldn’t feel special.. and I too would do same, otherwise husband and wife relationship is essentially at a similar level as friends and it takes away from how special marriage is…you don’t go around sharing your most expensive jewelry do you? You most likely guard it and even when you go out you keep an eye out to make sure it’s safe because you place extremely high value on it. So for me, my future wife will obviously be greater than any material item so I too don’t want to share her or have her available to anyone and everyone. I want her all to myself and she will have me all to herself!! 
Of course all in a healthy way, she will still have her own life and pursue her hobbies and interests but in terms of relationships I’d hope I’d be the only guy in her life and she would be the only lady in mine
Hope I can find a girl with a similar mindset..I understand it’s difficult these days..sighhhh..guess that’s why I remain a bachelor haha
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
That’s a very 1D approach again but u assumed a lot to things on ur own. Yes I value them alot cuz they deserve to be valued but there is an obvious difference that u failed to capture. I can’t live without my husband even for a few hours and if I’m out I wana run back home before he comes from work so that I don’t waste a minute with him that I could have spent talking and discussing our day. I do all those things u mentioned ur wife to do and more.
Yes I NEED a perfect world with parents, husband, siblings and friends…but who doesn’t? At the end of the day they all are people who mean something emotionally to u..so yeah, I need them all!
You also failed to notice in one of my earlier post when I talked about respecting boundaries in relationships (such as friends) and the ways of expressing love differs from one relationship to another (for e.g I can’t live without my husband even for a day but I live without my friends for daysss..) Clearly there are different stages of ‘need’ as well. I NEED my husband physically present and emotionally available for me 24/7 but I only NEED my friends to be in my life as effortlessly as they always have been.
Anyways I think this conversation is slowly moving towarda family vs friends when it was meant to be about maintaining ur friendship with the opposite gender after marriage. Just pointing it out cuz there is a clear difference…
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
A few things i have learnt in life that have become premisis to how i view the world:
Sex is overrated.
Relationships are exhausting, also why sex is overrated.
Haram is haraam for good reasons.
Insecurity is natural and our own self inflicted.
So is love and love has many shades.
One can love many people in many ways best not to marry every you love
only reason one spouse for life works is because of all the above plus ppl are lazy.
So, for me as long as there is trust and respect in a relationship, everything ought to work out and i ought to keep my insecurities to myself.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
I have girl friends but not guy friends. I have a lot of dear friends who I meet and hang out. STILL, my husband is better than any of them. I don’t really need them although I love dearly. And my life doesn’t revolve around my husband!
I work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. by the time I come home, there maybe 2 hours of time left and I rather spend those 2 hours with my husband and not some guy friends! This shouldn’t even be a discussion.
And I would have to NOT love my husband to prefer to go to some friends in that limited time I have, instead of spending some time with him, either talking or going on a date(yes, we STILL date, years after marriage), or watching movies or cooking together.
He feels the same way and this is why we got married. We love each other.
Look, if you and your husband like to hang out with opposite sex alone all the time and it works for your marriage then great. I personally find it wrong on many levels and I am not even religious. And just because you don’t have feelings for your guy friend, doesn’t mean he also has no feelings towards you. I’ve never been wrong about this before…
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
The love for a husband is different from a love for friends so u can’t put it on the same tangent and compare. It’s like comparing apple with oranges! But that doesn’t mean u need to chose between the two!
What time I spend with my husband CAN NOT be compared with the time I spend with my friends. It’s SOOOO very different!
We have date nights more often then any other couple I’m sure and take trips together every 6 months or so and go out for late night movies/drives and abosultely love eating out and discovering new places but what does it have to do with having friends? I never had to chose between having to spend time with my husband vs being with friends.
The feelings part is so totally bull that I’d rather not justify it. If I see everyone with a cautionary eye that they might have feelings for me I’d also have to look at my girl friends with suspicion cuz who knows one of them might be a closet lesbian, or one of my cousins may have a crush on me or a fellow colleague? I mean what kina limited thinking is that?
If you are imagening in ur head a scenario of a sad and neglected husband sitting at home and I’m out hanging out with friends or on call with them while he waits to get some of my attention. Contrary to ur rigid belief but that doesn’t happen! I’m a grown up woman and understand how and when to delegate time to whom to not make one individual feel less important then the other.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
I suppose your perception of love, marriage and relationship is waaay different than mine or anyone I’ve ever met but I am happy it works for both of you, that’s all that matters.
All the best to you in your marriage.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
I guess it depends upon how people have interacted with friends vs family. I no doubt have friends that have done gr8 things for me and I feel indebted to them all the time. Yet when in trouble I naturally turn to my family rather than friends. I feel shy to ask help from anyone other than my family even when I know they will be happy to help. That’s just how we have been. My family is not short of any dramas but when it comes to sticking by in hard times, nothing matters, we will be there for each other.
Re: having friends of opposite gender after being committed/married
Depends on when the friendships began i.e. before marriage or after and how long. But after marriage ofcourse nothing compares to the spouse.
I am sorry but this is nonsensical. Not every guy friend wants to get in the girl’s pants. This animalistic view of uncontrolled lust of men perpetuated generally is grossly unfair. Had any man made such a statement about women people would have been screaming sexism and rightfully but it works both ways. Ofcourse men are more expressive re: sexual advances but to say every guy is hanging around a girl hoping to get laid, that too for years apparently, is laughable.