Have They Seen Your Soul?

[Muzna]

Re: Have They Seen Your Soul?

@redvelvet

I have found that when you share so many of your mistakes and failings with another person, it’s human nature that the other person will mentally (either consciously or subconsciously) register those weak points. Since our mind naturally likes to organize information into patterns, a pattern of your thought process/mistakes/failings will form in the mind of the other person. He or she may not bring this pattern up or use it against you immediately, but somewhere down the road it usually does happen. And if they don’t actually bring it up to your face, it is also part of human nature for the other person to mentally dwell on your history of failings during a conflict and that can lead to inner feelings of superiority, or contempt, or the development of a grudge…it can influence the way they perceive you and behave toward you.

I’ve a close friend whom I shared everything with and I was taken aback when (during an conflict) she brought up my past mistakes (which were really not a big deal)..but she used that to make a decision regarding a matter and this was after several years. It has led me to be more selective about what I share. This is just one example, but I’ve seen it happen with other people too…even within a family…among cousins and other relatives. Heck, I will even admit to doing that myself. I may not bring up a person’s failings to their face, but a pattern will form in my mind.

There are very few people that we can share so openly with. If you have found that person, then more power to you. But I feel there is much wisdom in the sage advice that don’t give other your weak points and it took me a long time to learn this. I once came across a quote that the human mind can be a terrible thing and that’s true for even the best and kindest among us. It’s hard enough with the shaitan and our nafs attacking us with waswasay/whispers to turn us against other people…without us making their job easier with offering our innermost-darkest selves on a platter so easily.

I see the danger and I’ve suffered first-hand from exactly what you describe.
It’s only recently that I’ve discovered the person I could share with was always right there in my life and now my mind turns to wonder about how many relationships there are where people don’t have this trust and have a side to them that their partner knows little to nothing about. Somehow I feel like it shouldn’t be that way.