HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man

[Sady]

Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man

Completely agree with the post below plus would like to ask. You said in your first post that you have been “madly in love” with this guy for several years since before he got married and that your feelings are so intense that you even had to take therapy. Either you are hiding some facts or I am crazy to think this way but… why on earth are you thinking of proposing him NOW??? Why did you not propose to him before he married someone else? Did you not want to marry him before? Why this change of mind now??? Men may not have strong intuition but commonsense does not accept that all those years that guy was so clueless about your feelings for him… the feelings which are so intense that made you go through counselling??? Sorry my mind does not accept that. You’re probably hiding alot of facts about the exact nature of your relationship with him.

Furthermore, most probably your marriage plans to the other guy were also wrecked due to this affair you have with him. I also think that he might have contributed to your break up with the guy you considered marrying to get out of this trap with him. He wants to continue this arrangement… Have a family/wife and keep you on the side for ego boost or whatever there is that you’re not telling us. If what Im thinking is correct then the only way out of this mess is you show him the door by changing your job, city, country and cut contact with every single mutual acquaintance. With a very strong will power and determination you can do it. Right now, you’re just finding excuses to stay in this.

I dont like to preach but if you really are alone in this sinful arrangement and that man really has no part in this as you say then have some fear of God. As everyone else said, stop being a home wrecker. Move on, Find a new life, a new man and ‘real’ happiness. Right now what you have is nothing but lust and selfishness.

Rest God knows the best.

@soconfused

I have a friend that went down this path. I warned her; my fiance warned her, but she didn’t listen. This whole “I can’t distance myself from him” is BS–my friend used the same excuse with us. There’s plenty of ways. Let’s say this was a person you disliked/hated, would you still be “forced” to go out of your way and grab coffee for him/her? Hang out with them? Send them gifts? No. You’re trying to justify you’re homewrecking behavior. Don’t do it. Stop hanging out with him. Distance yourself. If you’re saying the truth and he has an idea of your feelings for him, then you can explain to him (if he asks why you’re being weird) that you need space and you want to respect your friend and their marriage.

It makes you a ****ty friend and, more importantly, a ****ty person.

My friend also had the “he said he’d leave his wife for me” excuse and the “I’ll be the 2nd wife”. Guess what happened? The guy never had the guts to tell his 1st wife and now she’s just the other woman–neither here nor there. On top of that, her reputation is completely ruined (no matter how sneaky and slick you think you’re being, your friend WILL find out and then (hopefully) destroy your reputation because anyone acting slimy like this deserves it) AND she can’t entertain very very nice SINGLE guys because she’s so hung up on this one dude.

It’s insecurity and low self esteem on her part and I would reckon you suffer from the same issues. Go to therapy. There is something wrong with you wanting someone that is so emotionally unavailable. What’s worrisome is that he’s never given you a sign that he’s into you like that, yet you’re ready to be his 2nd wife.

I sound harsh but I have zero tolerance for home wrecking and people like you sicken/scare me. Know your limits with the opposite gender and respect someone’s marriage. More than that, know your self worth and understand that you should be with someone that’s 100% there for you emotionally and otherwise. And stop ruining your “close friend”'s life/marriage.