hate it...

[S02]

Re: hate it...

well you wrote that she works and also that she was complaining about how she has to cook everyday....you also wrote that she cleans your room....well you need to take part in house chores....she seems to be one doing all work.....why does she clean your room?don't you clean it yourself? nayi naveli dulhan luxuries come only if there are any maids in the house, if there are none, then you have to start doing the house work ASAP to avoid more issues...how about cook and keep the food ready and clean the house by the time she comes back from work?I am sure she will be impressed...it is obvious that she is getting mad 'coz she has to do a job and then comeback and do all chores....it doesn't even sound fair that way!

I agree.

[soni27]

Re: hate it...

If you see any black crows flying around near you, or notice strange objects embedded in small crevices, alert mustanamalik.

hahahaa ..

[PyariCgudia]

Re: hate it...

jesus christ, lady.

[queer]

Re: hate it...

the pseudosifeminist has no empathy for the troubled woman, not surprising...

[nadz123]

Re: hate it...

jesusssss, i was only here 2 days before i got tat remark, and i was ill.....high temperature, so i was lieing down,plus i hadnt slpt for 36 hours prior to that....we do have maids, yet she stilllll has a habit of cleaning cos she doesnt trust them enough to clean rooms.....she thinks they may steal something, but either way, i fnd this annoying...and by the way i dont mean CLEAN.....its something little like my duppata will be on the babies cot, SO SHE WILL GO AND FOLD IT INTO OBSESSIVE PILES AND PLACE IT IN THE CUPBAORD and then proceed to tell me how untidy my room is.....and thats it...just a duppata on the cot...its my damn room isnt it? people here are sooo nosey/rude/interfering...

[talkfashion]

Re: hate it...

^well then you had not explained us your complete story.....how were we supposed to know that it has been just two days since you had come to you sasural...your sasuma's behaviors does sound like an obsession with everything being orderly, well but again if it was just two days since you moved in...dont you think it is too early to judge and complain?you need sometime to adjust to the new gharana understand the people around and start taking responsibilities and IA everything will be fine...it is too early to panic yaar

[rizla86]

Re: hate it...

Exactly, it takes time to adapt to a new environment. Which will never happen if you start throwing your toys out the pram after two days.

[Sara516]

Re: hate it...

@nadz123

.and by the way i dont mean CLEAN.....its something little like my duppata will be on the babies cot, SO SHE WILL GO AND FOLD IT INTO OBSESSIVE PILES AND PLACE IT IN THE CUPBAORD and then proceed to tell me how untidy my room is.....and thats it...just a duppata on the cot...its my damn room isnt it? people here are sooo nosey/rude/interfering...

I challenge any of you to NOT feel annoyed when something like this happens.

Anybody would feel rightfully annoyed if someone kept coming into your personal space and changing it around and criticizing you. If nadz was given a room/bed for her husband nad baby, by default shes responsible for maintaining it within reason and a duputta on the cot is hardly unreasonable or a "mess"...and im sorry if this makes anyone cry, but people in Pakistan do not understand the concept of privacy and personal space.

[Iksa]

Re: hate it...

Try to understand your Mil. She isn't that bad as you think....just a mindset....it's good that she tries to give you "deth math". I think you can't compromise with anyone or any situation. Don't be selfish. Tell your Mil that she shouldn't worry about the house chores and that you will help her. Try to do it her way... She got more experience than you....and believe me there a lots of people who are facing bigger problems than your childish issues. Missing your parents/siblings/country is hard.... Give it some time and try to get busy...

[sarab]

Re: hate it...

Cant you put a lock on your bedroom door? She really should not be going in your room without permission from you or your husband.

[nadz123]

Re: hate it...

I challenge any of you to NOT feel annoyed when something like this happens.

Anybody would feel rightfully annoyed if someone kept coming into your personal space and changing it around and criticizing you. If nadz was given a room/bed for her husband nad baby, by default shes responsible for maintaining it within reason and a duputta on the cot is hardly unreasonable or a "mess"...and im sorry if this makes anyone cry, but people in Pakistan do not understand the concept of privacy and personal space.

thank you. and yday, my husband was saying how musch dust there is here and how the pepsi here doesnt taste the same, anyway his mum took that as a personal insult, and started saying how people who live in the west ( ie.-hinted at ME) unka koi tareeka saleekha nahi hota,....etc....bascially we have bad upbringings etc...she thinks her kids if they do something bad, is the cause of someone else, her kids are never DIRECTLY to blame..so for eg..if her son doesnt read fajar namaz, thats MY fault, because living in the uk so long, humne bachay ko kharab kar diya.....

i said to my husband i dnt mind her saying things directly to me, about ME, but if my parents are going to be insulted all the time indirectly, im going back.....he didnt say anything....he said ok, if u go back, il come later, ( as in a year or 2 later, as he has family stuff and responsbilities at the mo, either way, i dont mind, i said i wont ever ask take u away from ur parents, however they are)....

now, this may sound childish to some, i know people go thru worse, however i dnt see why anyone should sit and waste their life away just because other people have worse issues...i cant stand someone being rude about my mum, his mum doesnt like our family anyway cos we are her husbands family, not hers. shes very different around her own set. id rather she just slapped me, rather than insulting where im from, and how we were brought upo..i dont read namaz, yes, my bad, however she will tell me hows its cos of my parents lack of upbringing, and how her kids are soooooo decent who have been brought up well to read namaz.....i told her well actually my brother reads too, its just me that doesnt, and she said well he must read because of my son....hmmmmmmm

and the bloody maid...i burnt something yday, and she told my MIL as soon as MIL stepped thru the door....the maid bi ek cheez hai man, shes always telling my mil stuff about anything i do...

and yes, the lack of privacy,our bedroom is actually a gateway to other destinations.....

[princess20]

Re: hate it...

thank you. and yday, my husband was saying how musch dust there is here and how the pepsi here doesnt taste the same, anyway his mum took that as a personal insult, and started saying how people who live in the west ( ie.-hinted at ME) unka koi tareeka saleekha nahi hota,....etc....bascially we have bad upbringings etc...she thinks her kids if they do something bad, is the cause of someone else, her kids are never DIRECTLY to blame..so for eg..if her son doesnt read fajar namaz, thats MY fault, because living in the uk so long, humne bachay ko kharab kar diya.....

i said to my husband i dnt mind her saying things directly to me, about ME, but if my parents are going to be insulted all the time indirectly, im going back.....he didnt say anything....he said ok, if u go back, il come later, ( as in a year or 2 later, as he has family stuff and responsbilities at the mo, either way, i dont mind, i said i wont ever ask take u away from ur parents, however they are)....

now, this may sound childish to some, i know people go thru worse, however i dnt see why anyone should sit and waste their life away just because other people have worse issues...i cant stand someone being rude about my mum, his mum doesnt like our family anyway cos we are her husbands family, not hers. shes very different around her own set. id rather she just slapped me, rather than insulting where im from, and how we were brought upo..i dont read namaz, yes, my bad, however she will tell me hows its cos of my parents lack of upbringing, and how her kids are soooooo decent who have been brought up well to read namaz.....i told her well actually my brother reads too, its just me that doesnt, and she said well he must read because of my son....hmmmmmmm

and the bloody maid...i burnt something yday, and she told my MIL as soon as MIL stepped thru the door....the maid bi ek cheez hai man, shes always telling my mil stuff about anything i do...

and yes, the lack of privacy,our bedroom is actually a gateway to other destinations.....

first of all.nads which part of pakistan do you live in..

sorry to hear about your problems..i can understand what you are going through..well in pakistan people dont care about others privacy..they will just walk in your room ..take your things without permission..and i hate that so much..

why dont you ask your husband to talk to his mom in a nice way....

can i ask which responsibilities does he have which will be done in 2 years?

[sarab]

Re: hate it...

The maid must know your mil does not trust her, so she has to tell on you otherwise she would get the blame for the things you do, you cant blame her for protecting herself, maids are rarely respected.
Is there not another room you can move to, if people have to pass through that room to get to other places then I'm not supprised she wants it kept immaculate, sounds like your sleeping in a hall-way.
Thing is if you go home, your husband will probably never come back, his mom will dig her claws in and maybe brainwash him. You will be the one that left him, and could not even comprimise to stay with your husband, you leaving could be easily twisted. Don't leave without your husband.

[diamond321]

Re: hate it…

@nadz123

thank you. and yday, my husband was saying how musch dust there is here and how the pepsi here doesnt taste the same, anyway his mum took that as a personal insult, and started saying how people who live in the west ( ie.-hinted at ME) unka koi tareeka saleekha nahi hota, …etc…bascially we have bad upbringings etc…she thinks her kids if they do something bad, is the cause of someone else, her kids are never DIRECTLY to blame..so for eg..if her son doesnt read fajar namaz, thats MY fault, because living in the uk so long, humne bachay ko kharab kar diya…

i said to my husband i dnt mind her saying things directly to me, about ME, but if my parents are going to be insulted all the time indirectly, im going back…he didnt say anything…he said ok, if u go back, il come later, ( as in a year or 2 later, as he has family stuff and responsbilities at the mo, either way, i dont mind, i said i wont ever ask take u away from ur parents, however they are)…

now, this may sound childish to some, i know people go thru worse, however i dnt see why anyone should sit and waste their life away just because other people have worse issues…i cant stand someone being rude about my mum, his mum doesnt like our family anyway cos we are her husbands family, not hers. shes very different around her own set. id rather she just slapped me, rather than insulting where im from, and how we were brought upo..i dont read namaz, yes, my bad, however she will tell me hows its cos of my parents lack of upbringing, and how her kids are soooooo decent who have been brought up well to read namaz…i told her well actually my brother reads too, its just me that doesnt, and she said well he must read because of my son…hmmmmmmm

and the bloody maid…i burnt something yday, and she told my MIL as soon as MIL stepped thru the door…the maid bi ek cheez hai man, shes always telling my mil stuff about anything i do…

and yes, the lack of privacy,our bedroom is actually a gateway to other destinations…

nadzz many things that u have written above sounds very mean. Your MIL as a matter of fact anybody in the world don’t have a right to call your upbringing wrong or your parents wrong.We all have opinions but the way your MIL is speaking about your parents is very rude. Namaz is between you and Allah and I don’t believe that you need to give explanation to this to anyone because you will be answerable for it only to Allah.

Aur maid sey bach kay rehna I had the worst experience with maid after my marriage . They can really cause some serious fights. Better is that you don’t interact with her and don’t allow her in your room too much. Because I know that at the end of the day your MIL will trust your maid and not you and she will become the bechari.

I know it’s easier said than done but try to ignore her for a while you people have just start living together let things settle and don’t give them a chance to call you a taiz and zaban chalani wali bahu. Your husband understands , let him deal with his family. Stay calm and spend some time so that your husband can realise that you have tried your best.

[redvelvet]

Re: hate it...

Try your best to keep your room clean, especially if it's the gateway to other destinations. While, I do think it's unreasonable for MIL to get so worked up over a dupatta lying on a cot.....at the same time, putting it in the closet it not a difficult task to manage. Sometimes, just taking care of a simple thing is a lot better than dealing with the stress that'll come from the complaining/criticism. And try your best to help out with the various chores and maybe take the initiative to do a few things yourself. If you *ask if they need help.....they may even hold the asking against you by complaining that doing is better than offering/asking.

• You're fortunate that your husband supports you and that he can clearly see that his mother's in the wrong here. I know it's easier said than done, but I'd suggest being the bigger person here. Don't talk back to her...be patient....and let your MIL continue making a fool of herself with her insulting and petty comments. I think it's very embarrassing for her that her OWN SON can see how she's behaving in an immature and petty manner. So, by remaining calm/patient and trying your best around the home..............you are creating a difference between yourself and your MIL. He'll appreciate that you're trying your best.....and who knows....he may get so irked with his family's behavior...he might move back to the UK.
  

I'm not saying that you shouldn't make any effort at all to get along with your MIL. You should try to get along with her. But in spite of your efforts, if she continues being toxic.....be the calmer/bigger person....and let her show her negative side to her son and everyone. If someone is going to be dheet in doing their own baizzati.....then let them. Since your husband is not blind to it......it'll backfire on her. If MIL's plan is to point your flaws and make you look bad....all because you weren't her chosen DIL.....let her own complaining backfire on her. Karma is a b#%ch and sometimes comes around with you having to stoop to the level of of the offender.

[Reha]

Re: hate it...

Someone I know recently went through something similar. They moved in with their inlaws and the MIL would not stop with the tanay to the girl about her family. It caused a lot of depression for her, she stopped speaking about her family in front of her inlaws, couldnt mention them without getting a lot of opposition and nasty remarks, etc. Her family was basically a taboo topic in a home that was supposed to be hers.

And her husband was on his mother's side.

She took it for a while and then just decided to deal with it herself as her husband was a mama's boy.

One day when her husband was gone, she directly told her MIL to stop insulting her family. They are never to be insulted again under any circumstances otherwise she would start reaching out to the rest of the khandaan walay to tell them of her treatment. Unless she wants to go through a thousand explanations and publicly display her dirty laundry, she will not utter another word against her family.

She stopped. And I am happy DIL confronted like that. Sometimes people dont understand the severity of their actions until you get serious, in their face and tell them about it.

Nadz, when you go somewhere to live and its a new beginning for both sides...it takes time to understand each others temperament. It will take your MIL time to understand her behavior is unacceptable. It will take her time to see you in a more positive light.

But it WILL happen.

[hunni_buney]

Re: hate it...

@nadz123

jesusssss, i was only here 2 days before i got tat remark, and i was ill.....high temperature, so i was lieing down,plus i hadnt slpt for 36 hours prior to that....we do have maids, yet she stilllll has a habit of cleaning cos she doesnt trust them enough to clean rooms.....she thinks they may steal something, but either way, i fnd this annoying...and by the way i dont mean CLEAN.....its something little like my duppata will be on the babies cot, SO SHE WILL GO AND FOLD IT INTO OBSESSIVE PILES AND PLACE IT IN THE CUPBAORD and then proceed to tell me how untidy my room is.....and thats it...just a duppata on the cot...its my damn room isnt it? people here are sooo nosey/rude/interfering...

i soooo understand this sweety

sometimes i go through this too, u have too much things on the dressing table, your room doesnt look tidy etc etc... although i try my BEST to keep my room tidy, Hey, it's my room, i will keep it the way I want to... but well it happens, it is annoying though it can be overlooked but insulting the family errrrr is a bit toooo much