Spock, I know that the situation may have changed quite a bit, but back in the day even many "educated" parents were willing to put their ego first. My husband and I did elope, in a sense, after asking permission for nearly 2 years. We finally announced a wedding date and invited everyone. Some came, some didn't, and after all these years, my MIL still goes on and on about her "lost" izzat. The husband just reminds her that she had plenty of opportunity to keep it, but chose not to.
They are staying with us right now (on the vacation that never ends), but just recently she told my son that he needs to marry a proper rajput girl so that he can save the honor of the family, lol. It was about all I could do not to put her in the car and drive her to the airport. Some families may come around, but some are far too proud.
I can totally understand your case. You and your hubby waited 2 years, my husband waited for his parents to accept his choice for 4 and a half years but they STILL didn't come around. He even gave them a notice about our wedding 11 months before the wedding(no eloping). I really don't know how much more he was supposed to beg them for their acceptance!
My friends cousin ran away...well actually she didnt...okay lemme explain
the girl (my friends cousin) wanted to get married to some guy...the parents didnt agree but enetually they were like w/e...so the wedding hapend....adults and boys only...they didnt want her bad inflence on the family girls...
anyways the wedding happens and outa no where a fight breaks loose... the groom was a lil badass gangsta type...so his friends started a fight with my friends brothers...next thing you know... one of them pushes my friends dad against a car and he had a heart attack and passed away...the bride and groom HAD to run away cuz of the rowdy-ness that happend....
so not only a person died BUT a family was tragically broken....I say hell with this eloping BS, :@
LOL
i know, weird
but she was threathing to do so before they got married…just so her parents would agree, then when it got too chaotic and whatnot, she basically HAD to, or she would be RIP
AP, my discussion does not encompass uneducated parents from backward areas who want to marry their daughter to some old guy with 2 wives, thank you come again. Thats a seperate issue, and I would treat that as a special case.
The discussion was about people who eloped and there was no assumption that its limited to only those with reasonable educated parents. My problem with your original statement was that just because you haven't seen cases of bad parents, doesn't mean they don't exist. And BTW, the cases of forced marriages or honor killings are common in UK/US just as much as in Pakistan and are not only limited to parents forcing daughters into marriage with an old guy. A pakistani girl from my univ wanted to marry a Beligian guy. Her parents sneakily arranged her Nikkah without telling her and during the ceremony her father told her that he would kill himself if she didn't say yes. The girl told them flat out that if she didn't agree by heart the Nikkah wouldn't mean anything. They said, it doesn't matter. The girl agreed to Nikah on that day but eloped from her house next day before the supposed Rukhsati. I can forward you many recent newspaper stories from UK/US about forced marriages, honor killings, etc.
So again, just because you haven't encountered such cases in your social circle, it doesn't mean they don't exist and hence you have no right to pass judgements about anyone in such circumstances. Ciao from me on this topic.
^ Generally speaking honor killings are something 'rare', please do understand that. If you comprehended properly what I wrote, you will deduce that parents who would commit such an act, i.e. killing their daughters, I dont expect them be rational when it comes to convincing them, hence my post does not apply to them.
well i wouldn't advise people to elope , not a sensible things to do,
howver sum ppl are forced into eloping, allthough most of us allah ka shukar hai have parents who put our interests at heart, whn it cums to marriage,
unfortunately they're are many jahil parents out there who clearly don't, i.e. cases whr girls as young as 16 are married off to 60 yrd olds blah blah,
so they dnt see any way out and they run away or elope with the guy that they really wanna marry,
my dad's popi did that, she was being married off to a 40 yrd old whn she was 25 which, she said No outright to it, bt nobody listened,
eventually she ran away with a gora who she didnt even like that much and married him
She'sstill married to him and has grown up kids, and is a grandmother but
When we meet her now, she tell us how saddened she was to run away and that it breaks her heart to have dun that 2 her parents, who never forgave her, but that she had no choice :(
I know 3 couples who have eloped and got married. Of the 3, 1 couple have stayed together for more than 15 years, however, they look as if they have aged before their time and their faces are haggard with sorrow and regret, bcos in doing so their families refused to have any contact with them and they had no support from anyone. Recently tho the families decided to welcome them back, but there is a lot of regret from the couple.
The other 2 didnt last long, one lasted for 2 months, the other for a few years but lots of problems bcos they were not compatible. They ended up HATING eachother very quickly.
The reason why these ppl had to elope was bcos the girls parents did not allow them to marry, as the boy was considered unsuitable.
My observations, now parents know they can't control who their kids marry or they risk losing them, so they allow them to marry their own choice and sometimes have to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong, and trust me, it often does when the boy is deemed unsuitable, its usually for a reason, but as they say, love is blind...
Personally I think people who fall blindly in love are very silly.
lol @proper rajput girl! Amana, Im sure deep inside they like you and have accepted you, maybe they just dont want to admit it, yet.
LOL, I doubt it! They accept me because I cook the khana and make the chai :-) It's in their best interest when they are staying with us to be nice to the cook, driver, and maid. I went on strike last trip - I think they learned their lesson.
Seriously though, we have learned over the years to appreciate one another's finer qualities and try our best to ignore the nutty ones. They give me headaches, but I'm not exactly their ideal bahu either. The fact that my devranis are some of the most self-absorbed women in the world has certainly improved my standing in the family, though. It has taken us a long time to reach a truce of sorts, and while things aren't perfect, they are primarily good. I sense some struggles ahead when it is time for my kids to marry, though.
My best frnd ran off 8 years ago, her family disowned her. She mashallah has 2 kids now. Last year she came back and asked if she cud meet her family and they said yes.....
Now they all all happy and visit each other all the time
