Re: HaqMehar
^
Re: HaqMehar
^ No after all it is a Business Contract..........:)
it is.... NOT!
Re: HaqMehar
Yeah that's a good idea to let the family know beforehand. That way there are no surprises when the groom announces the amount before so many people. It's a crying shame that some families (mostly girls' sides) make a big deal out of it and want the amount to be as much as possible. What's the point if the girl has a lot of money but is treated like dirt and is taunted everyday about how much her family demanded?
Years ago a friend of mine told me this story where both groom and bride sides had big time distpute over Haq-Mehar money at the time of Nikkah.
Apparently, the Bride side were demanding it to be 5 Lakh & no less, while groom side elders started with 1 Lakh and were insisting on maximum 2 Lakh. The arguements went on for a while then finally the groom said ok make it 5 Lakh.
Then sadly as soon as the Nikkah and all that signatures process finished and they beacame husband and wife legally, the groom who was burning inside like hell (coz of haq-mehr stuff) took his cheque-book out, wrote a cheque of 5 Lakh, gave it to someone from bride side and announced he was divorcing his wife.
Now I dont know/remember all the details, the guy might have some other issues too but yes this haq-mehr thing could turn quite nasty if not sorted out wisely. may effect relationships as Shikra said.
Peace:)
Re: HaqMehar
^ Poor girl (if she was in on all hte disputes)..
Re: HaqMehar
So if a girl is a daughter of a billionaire, the groom has to give in millions? I think it depends on the groom and whatever he can afford. The status or the family of the girl should not matter.
It shud reflect girls status to an extent, however in rare situations where a poor boy is aiming to marry a rich girl then a scholor shud be consulted.
Re: HaqMehar
^ Poor girl (if she was in on all hte disputes)..
Well, it depends on where the girl was. If she was in Pakistan, we all know that most girls there have not much say in such decisions (neither do some boys). However, if she was abroad, she could've intervened and reminded them that Haq Mehar is strictly between the bride and the groom. Groom gives it and Bride spends it (wherever she wants, regardless of where others want her to spend the money).
I must say that even in some families in US, children aren't allowed to speak when such matters are being discussed. It's really sad though.
Re: HaqMehar
^ not always 
Also i don’t get why its announced? Is that normal/permissible?
I dont remember if i was announced. When imam was speaking i was busy txting my friends :YES!: and then in the movie, just fast forwarded over his part 
Re: HaqMehar
haq mehar needs a lot of unpacking of the over tones of connotations on top of the real reason for deen to have encouraged practicing of offering it and accepting it or forgiving it.
Dushwari
Re: HaqMehar
Can I interrupt with a question? Exactly what is HaqMehar? money given to girl or to guy? From girls family or guys? And for what intended purpose?
Sorry, I am very interested in these things and will be/am involved in some Desi-family weddings but am not in the know about any of this....
Re: HaqMehar
I heard from an Aunty yesterday that its not even something that the girl can forego... yaani woh rakam mauf nahi ker sak ti by telling husband she doesn't want the money... she apparently HAS to take it?
Re: HaqMehar
Can I interrupt with a question? Exactly what is HaqMehar? money given to girl or to guy? From girls family or guys? And for what intended purpose?
Sorry, I am very interested in these things and will be/am involved in some Desi-family weddings but am not in the know about any of this....
Haq Mehar is given by the groom to the bride. It is the bride's right. She can choose to take it or she can choose to forgo it. It is entirely up to her and she should NOT be pressurized by anyone.
There are 2 types of Haq Mehar:
Depending on the amount, and whether the girl wants the money right away or not, it should be given to her ASAP. She can choose to get all of it before consummating the marriage or she can choose the option of deferred payments. If the bride and groom agree on deferred payments, then it should be paid to her as soon as possible because it has to be paid before the guy dies. Since you don't know when you'll die, it's better to pay it ASAP. If the groom dies and the haq mehar is not paid, his children will have to pay it to their mother on their father's behalf.
Second kind is the amount of money that she will receive in case they get divorced. That amount is given to her so that there is no hardship on her when she's divorced. It has to be enough for her to survive on it for some time. I think this is optional whereas the first one is compulsory.
Again, this is strictly between the bride and the groom. Since the groom is the one who has to give it, generally he decides how much it will be. If someone is rich, he can give a large amount. If someone is not so rich, he can give the minimum, which I believe is around $1,200. This is the bride's money. The husband can't question where she will spend it. The husband can't suggest where she should spend it. His or the bride's families can't tell/suggest what to do with that money. The bride can say "I don't need it" if she wants to. She can take the money and burn it right before his eyes. She can give it to her parents. WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO DO. I hope you get the point.
The reason why it's a big deal among desi families is because parents think their children are naive. So the groom's parents try to tell him how much to set and the bride's parents always want it as large as possible because their daughter is the one getting it. Again, it's none of their concern but that's not what happens. Families usually butt in and fights take place.
I have heard stories where the brides/their families asked the groom to set the amount really high and then gave him a tough time so that he has no choice but to divorce the girl and that way the bride will get the optional mehar money if she had asked for it when she got married. So there are some women out there who are doing business like this. That's why some of the men are hesitant when it comes to mehar, especially when the marriage is arranged and they don't know their spouse that well.
All this that I have said was told to me by the Imam who got us married. I do not have any reference to it to provide but I wrote as accurately as I could, without the intention of changing information.
I heard from an Aunty yesterday that its not even something that the girl can forego... yaani woh rakam mauf nahi ker sak ti by telling husband she doesn't want the money... she apparently HAS to take it?
Incorrect; As far as I know, it can be "forgiven".
Re: HaqMehar
Can I interrupt with a question? Exactly what is HaqMehar? money given to girl or to guy? From girls family or guys? And for what intended purpose?
Sorry, I am very interested in these things and will be/am involved in some Desi-family weddings but am not in the know about any of this....
In simple words it is a Pre-Nuptial Agreement.............:)
Re: HaqMehar
Haq Mehar is given by the groom to the bride. It is the bride's right. She can choose to take it or she can choose to forgo it. It is entirely up to her and she should NOT be pressurized by anyone.
There are 2 types of Haq Mehar:
Depending on the amount, and whether the girl wants the money right away or not, it should be given to her ASAP. She can choose to get all of it before consummating the marriage or she can choose the option of deferred payments. If the bride and groom agree on deferred payments, then it should be paid to her as soon as possible because it has to be paid before the guy dies. Since you don't know when you'll die, it's better to pay it ASAP. If the groom dies and the haq mehar is not paid, his children will have to pay it to their mother on their father's behalf.
Second kind is the amount of money that she will receive in case they get divorced. That amount is given to her so that there is no hardship on her when she's divorced. It has to be enough for her to survive on it for some time. I think this is optional whereas the first one is compulsory.
Again, this is strictly between the bride and the groom. Since the groom is the one who has to give it, generally he decides how much it will be. If someone is rich, he can give a large amount. If someone is not so rich, he can give the minimum, which I believe is around $1,200. This is the bride's money. The husband can't question where she will spend it. The husband can't suggest where she should spend it. His or the bride's families can't tell/suggest what to do with that money. The bride can say "I don't need it" if she wants to. She can take the money and burn it right before his eyes. She can give it to her parents. WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO DO. I hope you get the point.
The reason why it's a big deal among desi families is because parents think their children are naive. So the groom's parents try to tell him how much to set and the bride's parents always want it as large as possible because their daughter is the one getting it. Again, it's none of their concern but that's not what happens. Families usually butt in and fights take place.
I have heard stories where the brides/their families asked the groom to set the amount really high and then gave him a tough time so that he has no choice but to divorce the girl and that way the bride will get the optional mehar money if she had asked for it when she got married. So there are some women out there who are doing business like this. That's why some of the men are hesitant when it comes to mehar, especially when the marriage is arranged and they don't know their spouse that well.
All this that I have said was told to me by the Imam who got us married. I do not have any reference to it to provide but I wrote as accurately as I could, without the intention of changing information.
Incorrect; As far as I know, it can be "forgiven".
i think the two types of haq meher are 1- upfront: all of the agreed upon haq meher is paid at the time of the nikkah 2- deferred: part of the haq meher is defered to be paid off at a later date, however in the event of a divorce the remainder becomes obligatory to pay completely before the man can divorce his wife (this is where the notion of haq meher as "security" comes in, the higher the haq meher, the more will be deferred and the more difficult it will be for the husband to divorce because he will have to pay his wife the rest of her haq meher)
i think what you were mentioning in #2 is nafaqa-- this is the money given to the former wife in the case of a divorce to live off of, but it is not related to haq meher. depending on the reasons for the divorce (basically if the man divorces her) nafaqa is obligatory for 3 months, and if the women is pregnant, until she delivers.