I’m pretty sure that this will get pretty heated…thats not the intent but from what I’ve seen and experienced, its a very touchy subject.
From the time people know you are expecting, you receive all kinds of unasked for (and many times, useless or inane) advice. But what about the cases where the advice is relevant but very much unwelcome? How would you handle this if it were your own child?
Here is the thing. I know someone (a relative but not a close one) who had her first child 19 months ago. The couple is thrilled, the girl is mashallah adorable. But she is speech-delayed as was my son. She says two words and not very clearly at that. There is a federal program called Early Intervention in USA that provides evals and therapy if needed - at no cost to parents at all. And the earlier a child is treated, the better the outcome and the less likely that the child will need further interventions at school age.
Would you say something or keep your mouth shut? Of course, the suggestion that their child has “something wrong” is very unwelcome, every parent goes thru at least some amount of denial (well, its an only child so of course it takes longer etc).
So do you risk the relationship and say something?
I'm pretty sure that this will get pretty heated...thats not the intent but from what I've seen and experienced, its a very touchy subject.
From the time people know you are expecting, you receive all kinds of unasked for (and many times, useless or inane) advice. But what about the cases where the advice is relevant but very much unwelcome? How would you handle this if it were your own child?
Here is the thing. I know someone (a relative but not a close one) who had her first child 19 months ago. The couple is thrilled, the girl is mashallah adorable. But she is speech-delayed as was my son. She says two words and not very clearly at that. There is a federal program called Early Intervention in USA that provides evals and therapy if needed - at no cost to parents at all. And the earlier a child is treated, the better the outcome and the less likely that the child will need further interventions at school age.
Would you say something or keep your mouth shut? Of course, the suggestion that their child has "something wrong" is very unwelcome, every parent goes thru at least some amount of denial (well, its an only child so of course it takes longer etc).
So do you risk the relationship and say something?
Peace Mamaof3
I think there is a third option. Other than saying anything or nothing, one can demonstrate in blatant ways with their own children until it makes them question themselves and lead them to asking for advice.
All parents no matter how arrogant they are have something inside them telling them to do something about their children. Some of them need a bit of a subliminal push to recognise this voice inside.
I would suggest that you adopt subtle and non-apparent ways to get the point across when it comes to parenting. So what do you think?
How about reading an article in a parenting magazine or putting the page on the subject you want to talk about in clear view when such a person visits and so on.
IDK psyah...The subtle approach didnt work and would likely not work with most parents who are just emerging into the possibililty that "something may be wrong"...I mean, I told them that wow, she seems so much like my elder son (who is very well known to have speech delays) amd they brushed me off and seemed a bit insulted (yes well she comes from a multi-lingual family, she is so smart yadayada)
Sometimes, a hard dose of reality is all that works to wake the parents up to the fact that perhaps some speech therapy and developmental evals might be a good idea. Its something that NO parent wants to hear or accept as I well know.
Something that I learned to do is to listen to everything that everyone says and recommends. And no matter how offended I get, I file it away and process the info later on after I've calmed myself down enough to evaluate what they said in a cold and analytical way. This allows me to discard 99.9 percent of the recommendations lol! but the other .01 percent is really invaluable...so I never discard anything anyone tells me.
we have an early intervention team in the uk too, who come into day care setting's/nursery schools and help with children's speach and language delay, from the age of 2+ they will spend an hour with them a week(depending on the child's need's) and will give feed back to parents and teachers/keyworkers and i have seen such an improvement from these sessions, only good can come out of these sessions.....
It's amazing to know tht 75% of parent's are in denial and say "no" to the free help tht will help their child. but becoz they dont want to face up to the fact their child has a delay, or they might think their child will be labelled etc, they say "no"
if your child does have a special need it's best to get help asap, it's not fair on the parent or the child, child's best interest should always come first...
If this family resides in the US (to my understanding they do) then I'm sure they have regular visits to the Paediatrician's office, for immunizations and so on, and from my experience early developmental stages are monitored very closely by the doctors especially these days. You get a questionaire too from time to time to check the milestones that your baby has had or should be going through and it is brought up during the visit for discussion. Ever since the startling rise in cases like autism, I have noticed a keen awareness in monitoring a child's developmental stages/milestones.
This is definitely a very sensitive topic to tackle so there really is no right way of doing it, but if theres a noticeable speech delay, I am sure her doctors will bring it to their attention very soon. Concerns such as these are always tackled best by professionals. On a side note, my daughter was kind of a late talker too, her receptive language skills were way more advanced (she could understand and respond to everything we said) then her expressive language, I used to bring it up at the doctor's visits, and he used to re-assure me that by the second b'day having a vocabulary of 5(min) - 20(max) was perfectly normal and if her receptive language skills were good then she is on the right track and happy to say, that now at 3 she is talking a mile a minute lol
Thats great wundergirl! My 3rd son was a late talker too and now all is fine.
and I bet you're right about the little girl's well-visits...they do check off milestones now so hopefully at her upcoming 2nd year visit, she'll get checked out.
MO3, I go through this very often, My older daughter, as you know (we've both talked in the past) is skinnier than most kids her age and often times, moms come up to me say in a party or at the masjid or anywhere and comment how skinny she is. That is fine but when they go on to ask if she is sick or has a problem, I do feel a bit upset because masha'Allah she is very healthy and is ahead in terms of milestones. The doctors have tested her extensively and she has no medical issues. However, you can't always start defending or going through medical records with every tom dick and harry so I usually just say, oh she's fine and just like the way I was as a kid...which is a fact. And then I change the topic.
Regarding who I get advice from, well like you said, sometimes anyone and everyone has something to say but I have learned to shut off when I don't see any value.
But I do understand how parents feel if a concern is directed toward their child.
Now, in your situation, you have some valuable advice for that family and what I would do is somehow bring it up the in a way perhaps like I did a few days ago. My friend has a daughter exactly the same age as my little one and while my girl talks, talks and talks, her daughter can hardly say mom. There is a problem for sure because she has mentioned it in passing. And I did know about the organization you mentioned from a previous post of yours so while my daughters were playing, I brought up the issue that I was concerned about my little one a few months ago when she didn't talk as much so I was about to call that organization but also at the same time, she had her 2 year well visit and her doc recommended I wait for a few more months.
Then she got comfortable and started asking me about the Early Intervention program...and finally she decided she would be calling them.
Of course, the suggestion that their child has "something wrong" is very unwelcome, every parent goes thru at least some amount of denial (well, its an only child so of course it takes longer etc).
While you are concerned and looking into the right direction for professional assistance, it will definitely be viewed harshly - only because of fears which they are going through.
I know 2 kids, brother and sister, the sister did not even say a word when she was 18 months... the only thing she said was mom. Her brother is now about 2 yrs old and he is delayed in his speech as well - he has very little vocabulary.
However, it's all God's gift - MA the girl is now 4 yrs old and is such a chatty cat!!
Her speech is MA very clear, she expresses herself very well and is basically smart!
I do not see her brother as often so I do not know his speech improvement.
So I think generally a doctor in USA really thoroughly examines and then recommends if needed. You can help by making sure they are going for there doctors visits regularly...