My best friend is critically sick, but his wife and children are unable to handle the situation, now it left on us to make all decision regarding his medical care.
I have worn by some others not to get involve too much as his family might blame us if things go wrong.
I told his eldest son about gravity of situation but he is too young to comprehend or make decision, tried to speak to son in law and a brother in law regarding this but no one want to take charge of situation. Abandoning him is not an option but how to protect ourselves if thing goes wrong.
Please advice also request for pray for speedy recovery.
Do as much you can to the best of your ability, considering the resources available to you and the time you can afford to give, while also managing your own family necessities. Have faith that you are doing it for no one else but Allah (swt), and HE would never embarrass you or put you in trouble for the sacrifices you give for HIS love.
The first thing all the Prophets used to do was to offer Salat-ul-Hajah whenever they faced any problem and then they were confident that Allah (swt) is with them, so there is nothing to fear or worry about. At times we are tested a bit, but then end result is in Allah's control. Life death, respect disrespect,....etc.
It is not money issue, as he has decently. Time is not issue for me (at least for now), the issue is what if he didn't make it and family started blaming me.
He is not rich but one the most generous person I know, have been helping so many poors, sick and elderly but now he need all of us to pray him......please dua
As Iqbal says: The wind that is coming from the opposite direction is to raise the level/degree of the Eagle. You see, all the Prophets and their companions were threatened and blamed, even cursed and stoned for the right things they did. But that phase was like that of temporary clouds, and they came out of it like a bright sun and were honored and respected not only in this life (even in generations that came in the years after they left this world) but also in the life of hereafter forever. Why do we keep names of Ali, Umar, Usman, Bilal,....etc. of our children and that of our masjids even after more than 1400 years. Because they did the right thing at the right time and save themselves from the pangs of guilt of this life and also hereafter.
Whatever happens in the end would be in your best interest and that of your friend, in fact for everyone. Even though families are usually sensible enough to realize the sacrifices of a friend for another, but even if the opposite happens, you would NEVER lose the sweet satisfaction in your heart that you helped your best friend when he needed you. You see, *the guilt (that would follow till death) of not helping him is more painful than listening to the accusations of grieved family members (that is mostly temporary out of intense sorrow and doesn't hold much weight) *
Help him for ALLAH, Do what you think will make ALLAH happy and inshALLAH ALLAH will protect you form those who wish to put you own
My best friend is critically sick, but his wife and children are unable to handle the situation, now it left on us to make all decision regarding his medical care.
I have worn by some others not to get involve too much as his family might blame us if things go wrong.
I told his eldest son about gravity of situation but he is too young to comprehend or make decision, tried to speak to son in law and a brother in law regarding this but no one want to take charge of situation. Abandoning him is not an option but how to protect ourselves if thing goes wrong.
Please advice also request for pray for speedy recovery.
Try your hardest to have him made better. Explain everything you are doing. Any information given by doctors should be explained to you whilst his family is present.
Make sure you are really trying to make him better with du'as and action. Only chance of being blamed for an issue is if you put forth a half hearted effort. Then it can be wrongly taken. Trust in Allah (SWT). Do as per advice of R.A.W and carry on.
You know its really nice to hear you don't want to abandon him when he needs you thats a true friend. Inshallah Allah will help and guide you just continue to do what you can and maybe encourage his family more and may Allah make your friend better soon inshallah and like someone said above do it to please Allah and those who throw negativity at u ignore them
Whether they fully understand it or not, make sure you talk to the wife and kids about treatment options. In medical emergencies, the spouse is usually the one who has the legal right to take decisions - make sure you inform the wife of everything you are doing.
In fact, depending on where you're located, the hospital may require the wife to sign a form waiving her right to make medical decisions. Or they may require you to obtain some sort of legal form signed by the wife or your friend (if he is able). That will give you somewhat of a legal footing in case something goes wrong (God forbid!!).
Hope your friend gets better soon, he's lucky to have a friend like you.
It is not money issue, as he has decently. Time is not issue for me (at least for now), the issue is what if he didn't make it and family started blaming me.
^Are there no other relatives besides the son/brother-in-law that you could speak to? If you are meeting with the doctor, let's say, then have his wife/kids present during the meeting.....so that they ALSO hear important information regarding the treatment and get professional opinions about what options are better. That way, it doesn't all fall on you, but let them make the final decisions in light of all information. Have a professional be a witness to them making a decision.
I don't see anything wrong with gently telling your friend's family that you are doing your best to support them during this trying time and that you pray for the best....and that since you're not an expert....that you hope that they won't hold you accountable and that THEY will make their OWN final decisions about matters after speaking to the professionals. I really think you need to tell his family this. I personally haven't been through something as serious as this......but when placed in delicate situations I HAVE told my friends that I understand their intentions are in the right place and that regardless of the outcome I hope it wouldn't affect our relationship. Basically I've mentioned such "disclaimers" for lack of a better word.....it gives me some peace of mind to discuss the expectations as it can prevent misunderstandings/resentment down the road. I think that often times we get so afraid of what the other person will think if we set boundaries (albeit nicely)....and we set ourselves up for a sticky situation. If you don't feel comfortable with helping out with the medical-related stuff....then maybe you can help with other things....such as cooking food/transportation/errands,etc. Hope this has helped and best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Sorry for being so insensitive / blunt but I think that it all depends on you and your priorities. If you think that your friend's situation's need for you at this time is greater then the blame you'll get afterwards God forbid then go for it. Him being your best friend I hope that his friendship should matter more then any thing else even if it means that his family will hold you responsible.
Think what should happen if the situation is reversed and you are in place of your friend, what do you want him to do then?
Use your best judgment and honest intentions for deciding for him and rest leave up to Allah, that's what we do any ways in any other matters of life
^Yeah, I do think that's harsh....considering that the OP had already stated that abandoning his friend is NOT an option for him.
At the same time, it's not unreasonable that he wants to be cautious while supporting his friend. It's impractical for one to not look out for themselves and their own needs as well. There are some people who are so consumed by the fear of how they may end up getting "stuck"....that they avoid helping altogether. This doesn't appear to be the case here.
^Yeah, I do think that's harsh....considering that the OP had already stated that abandoning his friend is NOT an option for him.
At the same time, it's not unreasonable that he wants to be cautious while supporting his friend. It's impractical for one to not look out for themselves and their own needs as well. There are some people who are so consumed by the fear of how they may end up getting "stuck"....that they avoid helping altogether. This doesn't appear to be the case here.
Agreed. Thanks to our sue-happy society, things aren't quite as simple as "Oh I want to help this person so I should do it without thinking of myself." The OP obviously does care and want to help....but OP also needs to make sure he's not putting himself and his family in legal danger while doing so.
OP: What country is the situation happening in? I'm not sure about Pakistan or European countries.....but in the U.S., there are legal steps that you can take to protect yourself before you making medical decision for your friend. Also, what condition is your friend in? As in is he conscious and does he know what's going on?
What kind of tip?. Well one my best buddy was in hospital..i made sure i was there after work or so. Even for few minutes. And try to be there for something he ask ya know. But insha'allah he'll recover soon.
You do what you gotta do. Try your hardest and make sure you keep the family in the loop while making all the decisions about treatment etc.
Pray to Allah, Inshallah sub behter ho ga.
PS: I'd also take signed letter from the family giving you right to take decisions on treatment. Good deed or bad, you gotta protect yourself legally too.
Surgery scedule for Monday, just pray for him, he is just a wonderful person. Started from a humble background, but Allah gave him some money (not very rich still a middle class guy), but has heart of gold and spend most of whatever he has on helping poors.
He never like to promote himself and most of things he does quietly, being one of the closest friend I know very well.
Once I surprised that when he settle quite large sum of outstanding with a medical store, later found that he used to store to provide free medicine to whoever he found unable to pay for.
I also accidently found that he has some special price arrangement with a hospital because most of sick people he is supporting he refer to this hospital.
On top of that he is also running a dialyis centre for kidney patients in Karachi (with help of some doners), where they provide dialysis service for free or at cost depend financial status of the person.
Together with some friends he also organised relief supply (with contribution from friends and family) during earthquake in Kashmir also floods in Sind.
Please pray for him as we need more people like him in Pakistan.
On the family front, he has teenage sons and married daughter.
I start telling him and family member including Son In Law bluntly that his condition are not good, and the surgery is a risky one they should come forward to join decision making process, otherwise to not blame us if things went bad.
The son's are alright with what we are doing, but they requested to bring their KHALOO and Uncle as well on board. Spoken to both but they express their satisfaction but more or less happy to keep back seat.
I am not sure if anything more could be done to keep them on board.