especially here at GS, are so good at resistance, fighting back. wish all of us had joined the army and we would have conquered half the world. Seriously folks, look at what happened with that Hottea’s thread. 125 posts and exceptional bashing
OK I believe that was mean. He quoted from Quran and no one can challenge that. No second opinion men as husbands have these rights of superiority over women. And there is no harm in “obeying” your husband. I do not know why husbands and wives have these rifts over such nominal and trivial things. When most of the times the issues are only secondary. A little love and compromise, can make things work much better. Individual rights are alright but that we the women are holier and NO you have NO RIGHT is a bad gesture.
Why do you marry someone when you are not ready and prepared to listen to them, to be cooperative and compromise and even ready to sacrifice it be needed. This is the true meaning and essence of Shadi to me. Ofcourse it goes the both ways. Garbarh arises when a husband only expects and takes his wife’s love and doings for granted and the same way when we women very artfully neglect the long time patience and cooperation, love and care our husbands always keep and express for us. I think what men hate the most is ungratefulness. Well they are justified then. Women are pissed off when they see their husbands are not trying to understand them and being caring. Im bringing up only one aspect which I feel could be the reason but following even this much of rules, to be understanding to your wives and to be grateful to your husbands I think can make a marital life work better. You folks are more than welcome to bring the issues you think create the garbarh and a rift.
Well I look back at our parents; the ever first couple be created, Baba Adam and Amma Hawa, and I so envy The pair must have enjoyed divine companionship and unaffected bond of love and care. They didnt have much outside influences in their lives to fight at (ofcourse talking in general, not denying the satan involvement etc) I wish every couple’s life could be that simple, dedicating and easy :hinna:
The credit of success and failure of a couple' life goes to both the husband and wife. Both have to be in a relationship of give and take. Women don't like words like obey, control, superiority of husbands etc and its just becomes a matter of ego. On the other hand, men think that they are in-charge of the women once they marry them and make them do anything they like. Why don't they understand that there should be cooperation and understanding and no one is superior to other. They complement each other and can only live best lives if they understand this.
Now this leads to another discussion. I always thought and heard that men were more egoist
*I dont mind acknowledging men being superior. Just that even inferiors have rights and need to be understood and appreciated. Now greater men however would acknowledge that even if religion gives them this right of superiority their heaven still lies under the inferior’s feet And if it be about husband-wife so well said they do complement each other so need to honour another’s place in your life.
Same with me. I don't have any hesitation saying that I love the control my dad had on me and even my younger brother on me. I love it when my brother walks besides me in a busy street such that to protect me. I love the way our males act superior to us in protecting us and saving us from the world. I will have no problem in asking permission from my husband for anything. I hope he will take it positively and on the other hand we will have trust created between us. I won't be thinking that why should I ask my husband about something, I am not his sub-ordinate etc. I would love being under him as this will give me a sense of protection.
I don't think there is anything wrong in 'obeying' the husband. If I will obey him one day, he might 'obey' me (or 'agree with me') some other day on some other issue.
Its a matter of personal thinking I guess. But majority of the women don't like being sub-ordinates to their husbands.
A typical desi man with short attention span and low concentration :D
How can we expect desi men to listen to long stories of their wives on a daily basis about the 'bad treatment' of their MILs, SILs and other in-laws and expect the husbands to cooperate and support them in such dramas.
Why don't we women understand this basic trait of desi men and stop complaining to them, taking matters in our own hands and manage home problems by ourselves giving some peace of mind to becharay men :p
very well said Ashy. Its lovely to read from a single girl’s point of view how girls look towards to the males for assistance and protection. Maybe it will give away a better impression of us womenfolk (YES WE NEVER CONSIDER OURSELVES SUPERIOR AND WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE TAKEN CARE AND PROTECTED BY YOU) :halo:
Well I believe in her hearts of hearts every woman wants to be taken care of. She always looks forward to a man (be it her father, brother, son or husband) for support and protection. Its only when they get disappointed from their men they start complaining and discovering every possible fault in their men (well yes we are great at finding faults too ) Halanke a husband’s gheebat (what a wife does among her friends or family or in front of third persons) is the worst of all. My study of Ahadees is very very limited but I know this much how much wives owe to their husbands, BUT sometimes men forget that we women need some tending, sweetness and understanding too. Or maybe they are just not tha good at showing, and this is what pisses off their wives. Other than that, we always need each other, we are simply incomplete otherwise because this is how we are created. You see we cant even procreate without each other :halo:
A gem of a post, sachi :k: peace of mind! I think this is the most our poor men want from us and if cant do even this much for them, we should claim we love them and are there for them waghera waghera
But Ashy, what when we need them by our side and they back away :halo:
would any man please come up and tell would they change something of their habits and nature too if they expect us women to change our instinct of sharing and relating long long stories (about fashion, shopping, neighbours, inlaws etc) to them, for their peace of mind
never mind bro, you see. Im there to post and post and post and bump the thread to bring to the notice to slumbering folks. We can be positive atleast for the change of taste of mouth, you know
mirage, there is a limit to which a woman can manage the home problems without involving the husbands. But we need to share with our husbands but this needs to be done tactfully and intelligently without pissing them off. I will need my husband to be there for me and support me when I need him. And supposingly if I am a man and if I have to listen to the daily diary of my wife's 'adventures' with MIL and SILs, I don't think I will be able to bear with this since men crave for ghar ka sukoon and rightly or wrongly think that women are very much responsible for this.
So I think both husband and wife needs to have some flexibility and tolerance in him/ her and should be able to listen to, share and cooperate with each other. We should bother our husbands to a limit and our husbands should try to stretch that limit for us :p
never mind bro, you see. Im there to post and post and post and bump the thread to bring to the notice to slumbering folks. We can be positive atleast for the change of taste of mouth, you know
Good luck with that.......!
would any man please come up and tell would they change something of their habits and nature too if they expect us women to change our instinct of sharing and relating long long stories (about fashion, shopping, neighbours, inlaws etc) to them, for their peace of mind
The pair must have enjoyed divine companionship and unaffected bond of love and care. They didnt have much outside influences in their lives to fight at (ofcourse talking in general, not denying the satan involvement etc) I wish every couple’s life could be that simple, dedicating and easy :hinna:
And if it be about husband-wife so well said they do complement each other so need to honour another’s place in your life.
anyway.
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