*one of my favorite female pakistani musicians…we love u hadiqa ji may Allah bless u with success 
*
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Through triumph and trauma
http://www.dawn.com/weekly/images/images1.htm
By Maryam Murtaza Sadriwala
“I used to console myself with the fact that instead of just any stranger, I’d rather marry a man who claimed to love me.” That is Hadiqa Kiani: siren; nightingale; the only worthwhile female pop singer Pakistan can boast of, seated in her living room on the edge of a plush, violet sofa.
She’s the crooner who has made us proud by performing on BBC National Lottery Live with Bally Sagoo in London, watched by 16.6 million people, and at the Hong Kong Celebration 1997 amidst the likes of All 4 One and Michael Learns to Rock, in front of an audience of 50,000. But Hadiqa’s ultimate goal is to go international.
“For that I’m already working on an English album with Amir Zaki called Rough Cut. My gut instinct also tells me that this is going to be a major leap ahead in my career,” she reveals happily, with her pearly white smile and a gentle shake of her mane of highlighted hair.
She is ready to stoically reflect on one of the most shattering episodes of her life, her divorce. Hadiqa and Hammad tied the knot in 1997 after an engagement period of two long years. “Hammad was working on one of my videos as an animator in 1995. Till then I had never spoken to him. I had just seen him at my shoot. Coincidentally, we had a mutual friend who broke the news to me that this guy was totally nuts about me. My brother also seemed to approve.” When Hammad contacted Hadiqa, she pointblank told him to bring his mom to her mother if his intentions were noble.
It was right before the engagement that Hadiqa could sense negative vibes from her future-mother-in-law who apparently had a problem with her music career. During her two-year long betrothal, Hadiqa was globetrotting because of her concerts. “Whenever I used to speak to Hammad during these two years, I could feel that there was a lack of communication. He claimed to be in love and that would always make me feel that it was all too good to be true.”
Right after they tied the knot, things changed drastically.
“I was running after him to make things right, but he was entirely indifferent. It was as if his challenge of attaining me was over, his battle had been won. His obsession was over.”
Decked in an exotic purple kurti, her sharp hand movements accentuating her speech, she endorses, " I was giving him as much time that any wife could possibly give. He was always with me on every tour." It was in this chaotic phase that Rang was released in 2002. When the pain was on the brink of being totally unbearable, the couple decided on a separation, which lasted for seven months.
“I wanted to see whether he wanted to sort things out. I waited for him to talk to me but he never called.” Her tone is resigned, but her gaze reflects a poignant mourning. The divorce papers were signed in Lahore in May 2003. “Even on the last day, if he had come up to me and tried to make things work I would have given it a chance.”
For the singer, music served to be her shelter, her cocoon. “It doesn’t make you forget, that’s for sure. But it’s a great outlet.”
After her divorce in May 2003, Hadiqa flew to the United States to visit her sister, returning after a six-month stay in that country. “My sister’s first child Sonu - Ibrahim - is like my own son. He’s the light in my life!” she exclaims. “I wanted to get my energy back from Sonu. My sister is another part of me and I needed her.” Her baritone voice has muted down to a soft whisper. “At that point I was really hurting and I craved to be surrounded by my family.”
So, was she escaping?
“No,” she’s quick to explain. “I just wanted to get away. After my marriage broke up, everywhere I had memories to confront…after all, this city is a small place.” It was during her stay abroad that she worked on many of the numbers for her upcoming Urdu album. “I wanted to trigger that part of me which I thought had totally died. Now that I’m back, I’m revived.”
Astutely enough, before flying off Hadiqa recorded her videos like Dholan, Mahi and Jogi, so even when she was out of sight in the US, she wasn’t out of mind due to her video appearances.
When asked if she feels free, she pauses. “I was free during my marriage too,” she enunciates thoughtfully. “I’m just not in pain anymore. The pain is gone.”
Needless to say this siren loves children. So the obvious question that pops to mind is didn’t she and her husband try for a child during their five-year marriage?
“Well, for two years we didn’t plan on starting a family. Later we obviously tried but I guess it was God’s decision that we didn’t have any. I wonder if children might have saved our marriage.”
The chanteuse feels that her past scars will effect future relationships.
“Yes, I think I can see that happening. But at another end, I’ll be able to avoid the mistakes I made in the past. I was too focused on my husband and harboured a lot of expectations. Now, I’ll make sure that I’m free from the shackles of expectations.”
Pondering on her weaknesses she laments that her tears don’t come that easily, which amplifies pain. “Maybe I have a problem reacting to events. My reflex actions just get jammed. But my mind and heart suffer from extreme pain.”
With a flip of her hair, Hadiqa confides that she needs a thoughtful, sharing person who doesn’t have qualms about talking about things. But does she see herself in a relationship in the near future? “I don’t think so,” is her first response, “But I can’t be quick to say anything because life is so unpredictable,” she ponders pragmatically.
Hadiqa Kiani is looking forward to her trip to India in the near future for a weeklong spree of interviews and TV appearances. “It will be my very first trip to that part of the world. My album Rang is going to be launched by Universal. Some artists have gone to India and consequently have become very big in Pakistan due to the exposure they received there. In my case, I’m already established here. If I make it there, it’ll just be opening up a totally different market.”
Hadiqa has come a long way from her first small screen appearance on a children’s music show, Aangan aangan taaray in 1992, when she was in college in Lahore doing her Masters in Psychology. But it was her bubbly appearance as a VJ for Video Junction, aired from the then-nascent and highly popular NTM, that she became a familiar face. After a few videos, 1996 saw the dawn of her first album Raaz. “I knew that this was just a piece in the puzzle leading to greener pastures. I knew I would have a future in music. I admit that I didn’t imagine doing so well.”
Playback singing for Sargam, she recalls wistfully, was one of the initial high points of her career. When the songs were redone by Adnan Sami when he went to India and the female playback was done by the legendary Asha Bhosle, Hadiqa was reportedly annoyed. “I was a little hurt, but then it’s quite fair on Adnan’s part that he worked with Ashaji because I wasn’t an established singer at that point.”
When that mood creeps in, Hadiqa, winner of the PTV World Viewers Choice Award, dons a burqa and whisks her mother off to a Sunday Bazaar or for a bite of tantalizing Chana papri, she reveals with a hearty laugh, swinging one bejeaned, khussa clad leg over another. “I feel like being a normal person too and visit places every other person goes to.” Hadiqa wouldn’t label herself a health freak but is a regular swimmer and gym-goer. If she is seen to be unafraid to experiment in her videos, the same goes for her sense of trying out anything wacky, may it be on the Photoshop on her computer where she spends hours playing with her own pictures, or in the kitchen where she revels in trying out new recipes.
This breathtaking diva is a prime example of gentle strength who has moved on, dealing with her pain and rejuvenating her spirit, always turning to music for solace. She continues to croon with her heart in the right place and her vision set on higher summits.
haanji $ehar where r u? 
)
thanks though eram