Re: had row with husband
how was the food? vat rastaarent was this?
Re: had row with husband
Hi sis, It's me again.
I think the problem is, you are living in your susraal like a stranger. Take charge. If I were you, I would have said in a joking manner, hey! I am here too and helped myself. Sometimes you have to make yourself fit it. If you are waiting around for people to come treat you like a queen in your in laws house, it doesn't come naturally. You need to become noticed and you need to take things a little lightly. Don't take everything the wrong way. Even if it might seem like it.
Try it.
^Judging on OP's other thread; I'd say the issue is even if OP does try and 'fit' in by treating the home and situ connected to it (e.g. eating out) she will still have issues as her relationship with MIL is strained.
Re: had row with husband
She's ignoring her own son as well. Can you imagine how much harder this is for him than for you. That's his mother....he has more of a right/reason to be upset at her than you. She's not even a blood relation of yours. But he's handling the situation with more patience and maturity than you. He knows that not every single things needs to be confronted or made into an issue. You don't get this. And it's pretty big of him to admit to you that he noticed his mom ignoring you....not every guy will do that. Some may not even realize it and even if they do, they dare not admit it out of pride. You've had enough negative exoeriences with your in-laws by now to lower your expectations of them. Okay so they were passing the dishes to one another and they didn't do that with you. You're not a guest...you're a big girl...you can serve yourself....and by now you should understand that they won't treat you the same way as they do each other. They don't like you, fine. You're not fond of them either. You're even in your sentiments. You're blessed that your husband supports you; not every woman has that. So it didn't occur to him to pass you a dish or talk to you. He said it wasn't deliberate so you can either choose to trust him or you can create yet another drama for yourself before you leave. Why don't you leave on a more positive note. He already acknowledges that his mom is being immature. Wouldn't you rather leave Pak with him thinking to himself that gee my mom gave nadz a hard time but my wife showed maturity and patience....(which would increase your respect in his eyes)..... Or do you want him to think that if my mom is petty my wife is no better and end up feeling relieved that you're leaving so that now he'll only have one difficult woman to deal with (his mom) and not two difficult women. You've been reminded of this point several times to no avail. And I think you already know this. You have to push yourself to develop more tolerance....(I admit it doesn't come easy, not even for me. You have to force yourself)...nobody else can do that for you. That's the advice you will get again and again. And you can seek it from as many people as you want....but it all boils down to your own will power.
Agree with this, why are you letting such people ruin your relationship with your husband?
Do you work, OP? I suggest you get a job if you don't.
Re: had row with husband
You know that's pretty interesting; I went through a similar situation when I visited a few months ago. I'm naturally very chatty/friendly by nature, but this time I adopted the "keep quiet" approach. I was friendly, polite, when someone spoke to me I did, and there were a few times I would make a joke or two (but be met with silence). I would keep myself busy with their kids (who were just lovely)
I did this because when I had visited in the past, I did engage and contribute and that led to misunderstandings....some of which led to big fights between me and the husband. No matter how good my intentions were, it felt like just speaking would get me in trouble, so I kept quiet. My husband noticed that I had become very reserved and I told him about the incidents where my being "free" caused problems for us.
I honestly don't know if this was the best approach, because there was still tension and I had to hear stupid comments from others. I had never stayed this quiet since I learned to talk! and it was a challenge. It was basically a case of damned if I do, damned if I don't.
But that's sad though..you should be able to be who you are when with family and able to freely express yourself. I hate the drama in south asian families..all for nothing. It was the same sometimes with my cousin and her ex and his family..She had to seriously watch what she, which was too bad because she never got the chance to relax and really be who she was with them
Re: had row with husband
That's life. I felt the same way early on, but life does't always work like that.
I have my own family to let go and relax with, some people don't even have that.
Re: had row with husband
I just wanted to comment on the British-ness of the title. Spot on.
Re: had row with husband
But that's sad though..you should be able to be who you are when with family and able to freely express yourself. I hate the drama in south asian families..all for nothing. It was the same sometimes with my cousin and her ex and his family..She had to seriously watch what she, which was too bad because she never got the chance to relax and really be who she was with them
Thanks for your post. You reminded me of how blessed I am. Alhumdulilah
Re: had row with husband
And now nadz knows how everyone who posts in her threads feels, as she ignores about 95% of the replies 
Re: had row with husband
Hahahaha! :biggthumb: