This is exactly why I don’t want a sahm housewife - why should I subsidise her for years on end if she decides she’s had enough? Just because a bunch of women protested a hundred odd years ago? Or because a bunch 670 beta members of parilament and judges (who enjoy going to get whipped and beaten up women down soho) think it is fair? I know if I ever get a to a stage where divorce is a real outcome, I will move swiftly and liquidate my assets and make the money vanish. It’ll take the forth/fifth rate numpties at HMRC years to unravel what I’ve done - by that time i’ll be long gone.
Assuming your children are still minors (under 18) when this happens, what about them? Are you going to dispose of them just like your assets and leave them behind? Or take them with you and separate them from their mother?
Honestly, at that point I wouldn’t give a **** about anyone except myself - if I play the role of a provider, am attentive to my wife, adore her, meet all her emotional and sexual needs, stay in good shape and take care of my looks, and then to be told when I’m in my late 40’s she would like to divorce for whatever reason, i’m going to resort to type, which is someone who actually enjoys inflicting suffering on others after they have screwed me over - I spent my developmental years around 6 narcissistic women (dhaddi/phupo’s): those tendencies don’t die easily. It is what it is. Kids - their kismat I suppose, I wouldn’t be able to handle being a part time dad who gets to see his kids every other weekend.
There are countries that tell UK courts to go f themselves - Lahore high court for example. Cases can be locked up for decades if you know what you’re doing. I’ve got an uncle whose wife tried to shaft him in divorce, he sold up and transferred the cash to Lahore, brought real assets and just kicked back to enjoy the remainder of his days on this earth collecting rents from his newly acquired commercial rental properties. The judges in London went as far as to say give your wife her cut within 60 days or go to jail for contempt. They tried strong arming the lahore high court to get him to play ball using this treaty or that treaty as a justification. The uncle, he kept going to court in Lahore, paying off judges and dragging things on. It’s been 12 years, the bisch ain’t got a penny out of him.
God knows how women balance work and babies and husband, especially those in high-intensive jobs like Emergency medicine, ICU Med or Paediatrics. The NHS in the UK has got a good and long tradition of allowing women to work less than full time and still continue and progress with their career.
I for one, would definitely go for this option, rather than slaving away to full working hours (with expectations to manage the odd hour favours as well!), not to mention night shifts. Some of my consultants are doing exactly that.
A heavily pregnant senior doctor is having increasing problems getting up and running around seeing patients as part of reviews and what not, it’s just so evident, even when they’re trying to hide it. God forbid, you need their help with something and then it’s like you just get on their nerves.
It’s just too much IMO with a family.
And yes, you are right. At the end, it’s all about YOU and what YOU want and what makes YOU happy. The heck with kids. The heck with what the kids need and what’s best for them. That’s shouldn’t be your problem just because your fathered them. It’s better for you to throw them out of your life completely b/c that’s what YOU can handle. If the mother of the kids treats you bad, then it’s perfectly fine for you to take that out on the kids because as you said, that’s their kismet. I really think this attitude is going to get you really far when it comes to having a happy family. :k:
Look, all this “niggles” so to speak, are situations that could arise, based on my real life experiences of those around me. The consensus here seems to be that I should take an ad hoc positive approach, take it day by day, leave it in the hands of Allah swt (which I agree with) and stop being clinical and rigid with my views to financial security within a marriage/potential divorce. I don’t feel that there is anything wrong with having go to mental plans in case things don’t work out as expected due to the statistics of marriages ending in divorce specifically within the UK - and besides, I’m about a year and half away from even beginning a rishta search let alone getting married. I’m sure I’ll have a balanced approach figured out by then.
Actually money is not everything !! If the boy is educated so i think he shuld marry with educated girl , coz shuld be some match between them and as we knw the most important thing in a good relationship is understand and respecting each others .
Depends upon your social and financial background. Marriage is a really big concept and each topic has several perspectives.
I think guys normally don’t go for either professional or non professional women. That thing comes under consideration later once they find the girl attractive and good enough to marry and if she’s good enough now they decide either she would work or not.
Again depends upon your social and financial background.
But you can’t also deny the fact that there are people who seek professional women so they could be a helping hand in the financial matters. And I call those men …
Yeah I agree that for men it’s usually the initial attraction that starts the relationship. But then they realize that looks don’t sustain relationships, the girls personality and character do. And as the guy goes through girls, he eventually realizes that personality and character are more important than looks. Of course ideal girl has good looks, loving personality and decent character. Very hard to find such girls these days though. And the ones that do exist get taken off market very quickly.
And yaar nothing wrong with getting professional woman. It’s different in Pakistan but in US/UK very difficult to have a good lifestyle with 1 income unless guy is very rich. The wife will make you miserable if she doesn’t have at least somewhat decent lifestyle.
Nothing wrong in getting a professional woman but there are girls in this world who can’t afford or their parents can’t afford to get them a professional degree considering how expensive education has become these days. What about those girls then? I have come across few nice girls who are not that highly educated but have good looks, loving personality & decent character but they get rejected just because they don’t have a fancy degree.
Then there are girls who are not working just because their parents think its not a good idea to send them out to work in Pakistan in such an environment. But guys will reject them as they don’t have a fancy job.
Well people have different circumstances.
Then there are guys abroad who want girls who are shareef but they can’t get any. There is this guy in New York, he is looking for a girl who is not westernized, modernized & is decent & cultured but no success yet. He doesn’t want one of those girls who have had boyfriends in the past, slept around & think its cool to do these things. Its been a while he is looking though.
As far as one can’t have a good lifestyle if both husband & wife are not working, well, I don’t know, all the examples I have come across mostly in the US have housewives & they have decent enough earning to give a good lifestyle to their families. There are guys in IT in US which I know are earning 100K + yearly & having a good lifestyle, some of them have kids, some have 2 kids. So I don’t get it. The guy I mentioned above wants a housewife too & makes enough to provide for her.
Why some guys , not all, have become so materialistic? They see pics, reject girls, don’t care about their character. Face what matters the most then, I know physical attraction is important but still… Then you see how good she is on paper, fancy job, fancy degrees etc etc so you guys can have “meaningful conversations” if not … rejection it is. You guys want extra ordinary wives who can work, who is a professional, who knows how to cook, clean ( and all other household chores ) , who can pop out kids every other year, knows how to take care of them, hence she should multi task. Too much to ask in my opinion. what guys do on the other hand is just work 9-5 & thats about it. All you guys have to do is take care of the ladies you have in your life whether a mother, sister, wife or a daughter but some can’t do that even properly & want wives contribution in that too. What you guys want a wife or a khoty jo har waqt kaam me lagi rahe. Guys want/expect too much from girls these days.
I being a man wouldn’t want her to do all the khajal khawari but instead take care of her & will be liberal enough to support what she wants whether she wants to work or SAH as long as she is not compromising me, my kids as that’s her first & foremost duty to take care of her family.
