Guys...why wouldn't you live with you in-laws?

[Reha]

Re: Guys…why wouldn’t you live with you in-laws?

@nadeemnirvana

So you saying years of tradition where a newly married girl lives with her inlaws is wrong? Most of the time there is no other choice financially for husband or wife.

Why would the wife make a big drama and refuse to live at her inlaws. Is it such a big sacrafice? You want your own parents to live alone?

Yes, its wrong. Isn’t that strange? oh em gee.

Why does a wife make such a drama and refuse to live with strangers? I don’t know.

She doesn’t want her parents to live alone…that’s why I ask you…Pakistani of all Pakistanis…morally sound member of GS…why would you not want to live with her parents?

Would you want her parents to live alone while your house is full of your siblings and their millions of kids?

@nadeemnirvana

I would happily live with my inlaws… they would think im mentally disturbed if i asked.

Honestly they would end our rishata if I said to them after our nika I wish to live with you and your daughter in your home.

I want your daughter, i want your food, i want your house, i want access to your car.

Thats what YOU think. But if you told them I simply want to live with you because I want to be there for you…they would not refuse.

But before that day comes…our ghairat-mand Pakistani men would commit suicide.

@ZareenKhan

Well he and i can take care of our parents even without living in the same house as them. Yes, if my parents didn’t have a son then this could be considered however that is most likely not going to work as i have said before it goes against basic human nature.

Now, i am sure you will say then why it is more important to stay with husband’s family. Well that is way of life for me, a girl gets married and moves in to a new family so she needs to live with them in order to build her new family.

I am glad you feel your text-book answers make some people happy.

@stoppit

Dunno why you always gotta twist what the OP is saying.

Reha makes a good point.

Forget the social norms and all that for a second, if a man goes to live with his inlaws he’s most likely not going to be head of the household especially if the FIL has a strong personality. You won’t be able to make decisions without consulting him, he’ll be at the head of the table at dinner etc etc. You might be happy when it’s your own father but when it’s someone else, it’s going to drive you crazy that someone else is the boss of you… that’s why you guys can’t imagine doing such a thing (living with wife’s parents).

So why do you think it is so easy for a woman to do it? She wants her own space, her own home where she can set things up and have her own routine that is not dictated by her MIL etc etc. Look at all the threads we’ve had in life1 over stupid things like kitchen conflicts between MIL and DIL. But you can’t blame them. Imagine if your FIL was all up in your business over which car you should drive or something.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG - THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU for saying this!

@nadeemnirvana

In Japan, China and South Asia, large parts of Africa, the Middle East it is the norm. It is also common is some european countries like Poland, Greece, Turkey. Also in America you have Mormons and other sects. And South America like Brazil too, so I dont think its restricted to just our culture. its well well over 50% of the worlds population that does it this way.

I think the question should be why do girls in our culture increasingly make a big issue out of it.

Your face is green.

@Exodus

Reha, the beef of your message is pretty easy to understand. However, could’ve been done better and with an obvious ‘nice’ little tone attached to it. Just my .2 cents.

I know. I coulda been nicer.

@Orpheus

what’s brought this on?

I just see red every time I come across guys who think its easy for a girl and its programmed in us.

Its not easy and we’re not built that way. It is a sacrifice and a BIG one but apparently our men think its common sense.

@Pseudonymous

Why do you men feel so threatened when someone raises this question? the anxiety and anger that builds up in your heads keeps you from thinking properly and actually answering the question with logical responses. You hate the idea so much, that the mere question gets your blood boiling. How would you feel if this custom was shoved down your throat and you couldn’t say no? I do see the pro’s of it, but I also see the cons. Don’t be bias, rather broaden your minds and atleast acknowledge why some women hesitate with the idea of living in a joint family system. No one is trying to change the course of the world here, women just want their concerns to be understood.

Its all about being understood.

I would never kick out my husband’s parents or make him do things he doesn’t want to do.

But come ONNNNNNNNN guys…don’t think this is something we were meant or created to do. We were not. We do it because we care that much about our families and futures.