Guys - I need some more work advice :(

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi all, hope your all doing well

I need advice on work problems I am having (for context of my previous trauma's, see my previous thread please).

For the purpose of this story. Boss 1 is H. Boss 2 is N. And annoying/rude colleague is S.

Last week we had a major deadline to cover and - as some of you will know from my previous post (lol) - I am new to this job and I was given a huge task to undertake which (I will admit) I slightly underestimated. But the issue is - due to other people in the team (AKA my CEO and my boss and them overpromising our clients last minute) we were all really behind on delivering. Anyway - as I have never done this task before (I am 2 months in) I messed up a bit. And then I messed up a bit more...and more. Basically made really stupid mistakes (grammar, wrong emails and talking to wrong people) and I pissed off my boss and boss 2 really badly.

Anyway, that was last Friday and since then my boss has hardly spoken to me. It has been aaaaaaaaaaawkward city. We have spoken slightly since then. Both H and N have shouted at me several times - to the point I go on walks or hide in the cupboard for a break. I have basically been taken off the project I was originally working on, due to the fact I messed up (without anyone saying this to me, I just stopped getting tasks given to me for it). It isn't an excuse but let me reiterate: I am new, I have no prior experience in this area and I have absolutely no one guiding me. And one other person in my team is S, who doesn't like me anyway (re: my previous thread) and my boss N, who S is always up the ass off.

Now coming to present day again: I just had a meeting - which was suppose to be a 1-on-1 with myself and N. A whole week after awkward exchanges and tension. I am waiting in the room ready to talk through and explain I want back on the project and to prove I can do it and then in walks both N and S. N has decided that we all need to talk and work better as a team. Mind you, this is after they just spent 30 mins in another room talking. So they talk for 30 mins alone, then decide they both need to meet with me. The meeting was so ridiculous - they spent 30 mins giving me a pseudo prep-talk about how hard it is joining as a new person, that I can do to them whenever I need and S in particular was really doing her best ass licking possible. She said she was always available for me - I literally asked her a question yesterday and she gave me such a dirty look for it, she barely answered it and then when I made a mistake was quick to point it out in front of my boss N.

I sat there in this meeting, going red from embarrassment, my own manager - N - won't talk to me alone and instead wanted her sidekick there too. They both made me feel so stupid and so out of the loop. They say they want me to work with them as a team, but I feel more excluded now than ever. I find it difficult to interrupt their conversations, to add value (because I know barely anything and no one is really teaching me either) and if they are constantly having these secret meetings alone - how the hell am I suppose to just be a team player??

I feel so upset and angry. I don't know how to approach this situation. I feel like my boss doesn't trust me with anything and S is indirectly proving this theory to her. My stress makes me make more stupid mistakes and staying late everyday all week is useless if I am producing - in their eyes - ****ty results. And the annoying thing to add to all of this mess is that I actually though S had changed - she helped me a lot last week when I was struggling but then just as quick as she turned nice, she turned into a devil again. N mentioned she wants these 3 people catch ups every week for us to bond etc, and S was like 'I'm not bothered, it's up to M (me), she's the one who needs it anyway'. And just like a movie - I heard it and N didn't. I'm just like...wtf is happening to me rn.

I feel really unconfident to approach my boss and tell her (one to one, if she bloody lets me) that this all didn't feel right. I feel like I should meet with her and explain I needed that time with her one-to-one to discuss the aforementioned issues (being taken off the project, wanting back on to prove myself and ways to add value etc). But then again I don't know. Atm, the tension in the office is extremely high - is it a very busy period for us and then tension is going to stretch long into Feb too.

I feel really stressed about this, to the point that is affecting me outside of work (sleep, can't concentrate, always checking emails etc). I really need some solid advice guys:( :(

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this corporate world is so alien to me

3

your focus should be to learn,research things yourself…

and get rid of this attitude of ‘‘nobody teaches me’’…this is going to ruin you…nobody teaches anyone anything in real jobs…you have to do it yourself-----and the ability to somehow do things which you didn’t know before…is what the companies’ pay you for…so yea…

as far as stress is concerned…some of it is ok..too much isn’t good…just think whats the worse that could happen…nobody gonna kill you or make you homeless or send to jail…its not the end of the world…so just take a breath…and do the most effort you can do…

4

From your description it doesn’t seem like a well structured corporate entity, rather a small individually owned business with not much emphasis on structures, processes and organization.

New hires/trainees make mistakes, even major fk ups are all part of learning process - in well laid out organizations (big or small) this is always allowed and have ways to contain the fallout by having a senior/mentor picking up the mess and it’s not considered as a favour.

Now that meeting - it was your chance to lay it all out in front of two senior management persons. Whatever shortcomings and lack of support from their end that you feel is stopping you from getting upto speed, you should have brought it up with them in a polite but clear manner. You should have mentioned your green background and asked them to design a roadmap to help rectify your lack of knowledge of their business processes and bring you upto speed quickly. It would have also helped them notice that you’re willing to learn but are lacking clear support from their end. There comes a time when keeping quiet and feeling intimidated will only hurt your chances further. Seeing that your just sat there mum and all red faced, you’ve lost that opportunity and came out with blame squarely on your shoulders.

It’s up to you now - if you feel bridges have already been burnt and stress is killing you, start looking for new jobs and take this as a learning experience. No one job is be all and end all in life.

5

So I’ll try to advise you that fits in there for everyone regardless of the situation. You answer the question, how much are you important for the organization? Ofcourse no one is irreplaceable but whatever you were appointed for, whatever you are supposed to do daily, how good are you? IF you excel in your professional expertise, be on the top of things you do, there is no way in the world your manager can ignore you. And thats all what you need. Your manager realizing your importance. Eff everyone else.
Now proving the worth needs a lot of hard work. And more than that it requires a lot of homework to be done. My suggestion is to stay away from all sorta office politics (I know its hard, easier said than done) but you stay focused on your assignments and be kick-ass right there.

Once you check on all this and if in few months you still feel the same anxiety and crushed by the politics BS, time to move on. Look for other opportunities. But not now. You are new and need a lot of work to be done by hook or by crook.

6

Agree with this.

Also, a lot of the mistakes you mention don’t sound like the result of being new. You need to accept that you could have and should have avoided them and draw a line under that experience.

S does sound a bit snake-y but it’s not helping if you make it more than it is. Your boss could have bought her in so there could be no accusation of bullying if you took criticism badly (I’ve seen this happen so many times).

I have come across people who are complain that no one is helping them but the reality is, they don’t try very hard to be pro-active and figure out what to do. This rubs other people up the wrong way who feel that they shouldn’t have to babysit. I’m not saying this you but you might want to think over whether you are making enough effort or if your first thought is ‘arg, I can’t do this’ and approach other people who are also busy.

7

It’s crazy I wrote such a lengthy response but it disappeared with a wrong click. Impossible to retype everything at this time atleast. But the higlight of my reply was, have a one on one meeting with the H (most senior boss?). Note down al the points, issues, solutions / sugguestions to improve / rid to those issues & also tell him, it’s impossible to be productive in a toxic manipulative environment which is costing you your mental & psychological well being & self confidence (for being made to feel miserable). Nobody has a right to make you feel worthless even if you make mistakes. Good managers don’t do that. If a well planned meeting with H doesn’t yield any posoti results then you better leave instead of turning psycho. will try to write remaining parts of my initial post some other time if I could.

8

Beeba,

“S” is not your manager, but I do believe that a one-one-one meeting with your boss needs to take place because there seems to be an escalation in S’s shenanigans. S is very cunning because she knows that it will benefit her to buddy-up with the boss. So, you’re gonna have to step up your game and nip some things in the bud.

You will have to specify to your boss that you would like that nobody else be present at this meeting. And if you’re an introvert like me, this will require some courage on your part and you may even become a bit emotional/teary during the meeting, but that’s okay. In this meeting ask your boss if you can have some procedural guidelines for the project that you can use a checklist to ensure that you’re completing each task as per expectations. Then express to him your concerns about “S” and how you feel uneasy about asking her for help in person because you are often dismissed and ask him if communication about projects (between you and S) can be restricted to email…so that there is greater clarity.

Bullies in the workplace will repeat their blatant and covert offenses because they believe that you will continue to remain passive/quiet about it. In my experience, I made the same mistake. I even hoped that taking the higher road (treating with patience and kindness) would have a quelling effect on the former troublesome coworker on my team…but it didn’t. Her abuse toward me (and others) escalated. It reached a point where there was no option left but to speak with admin. It turned out that others had complained about her, too. Finally, admin had enough complaints about her for multiple reasons and from multiple employees to where she was ousted. I guarantee that you will not be S’s only or last victim. Even if you were to leave this place, she will find another person to target. Let the boss know. That way…in the future…if there’s anybody else who complains about her …it won’t be the first complaint in her record.

9

thanks all - i will try this and see how it goes from monday (tomorrow). inshallah situation improves!

10

Beeba, Spend the next week - 10 days being proactive, try to pick up work yourself instead of depending on her to guide you. Try to learn by looking & observing how work is being handled by other trained / older / experienced staff. If you’re really puzzled about how to perform a task, Google if necessary if she refuses to guide you. Once you’re confident that you have learned the work & the toxicity & other negative behaviour of that senior staff towards you continues then set up a meeting with H & make it clear to him that you dont want her present in the meeting. Write down all the important points that are effecting your performance at work & your mental health in general (which also has long term consequences) in priority order. Tell them you are well educated & cannot make those stupid bunders in a heathy worrk environment. You must have some good work under your credit while you present suggestions on improving the work environment. In all this, taking good care of your health, diet, sleep, etc. must not be neglected as that will worsen your situation. I think in the last 20 days, that’s what has happened. You have been preoccupied with all the work & related stress & have neglected yourself which badly affected your way of dealing at work & performance hence the blunders. Most work places only want the work done. They do not care whether you’re physical / mental health is suffering. Or care like parents do. It is you yourself who will have to look after yourself. Make those changes & work on yourself. See another 10 days If that brings positive results. If not, then set a meeting as I mentioned above & discuss all the points. Also tell him you cannot sacrifice your mental health which you are forced to due to the negative environment created by the toxic staff. Being trashed psychologically. If H is sensible, he will try to retain you by implementing some solution or suggestions you present to him or his own.

Gooddluck

11

Hi guys - decided to wait a while before I came back here to update. And I am sure glad I did lol.

So things with S initially improved a lot. As a newbie at work, it is normal to make mistakes (I have accepted this and am working on trying not to stress my point to no sleep - which is what I was doing before - and accept it. Instead work harder not to make mistakes!), and S has been really kind and helpful to me in those situations. She has helped me rectify and solve the problem, and been nice about it too.

However.

It is so weird - in a moment of crisis she is super nice and the best colleague ever. But then she switches like a freaking churail and is a total b****. She is mean, makes rude comments, is purposefully loud and distracting in the office when N (my boss) isn’t there but when N is here she is quiet like a mouse working away, she will invite select people to lunch and purposely miss other people out (in a loud and obvious way), make snide comments, etc. And it’s not just to me - several people in the office have noticed her behaviour and also her behaviour with N. How they are like bumchums in the office and constantly running away together to talk in secret and all. And some of those people have mentioned it to me too! It’s awkward for me, because I just ignore it all and because my experience bringing up S’s weird behaviours to N in the past failed (she just literally ignored it and changed topics, and I tried twice!) I haven’t bothered again. Also it would be hard to convince her it is true as N is up her a$$ and I am a newbie who keeps making dumb mistakes (less now though, lol).

I recently had a 3 month review with N and it was SOMETHING. I decided to be honest and told her I find her hard to approach sometimes (she is very abrasive and mean but in a loving way - if you know what I mean lol) and how I am trying my best but I get stressed when I feel like I’m failing. Maybe it was too much - I don’t know but I left that meeting feeling better and with a better relationship with N from then onwards (I feel, and hope lol).

I am really not sure what to do about S. She is obviously threaten of me being here (God knows why, I am entry level and she is a manager. I have literally 0 interest in her position because I want to go another way and I have made that abundantly clear several times). I don’t understand her game. She is either nice to me and helps me for clout with my boss (N), OR she cares about the team so much in that moment then remembers to be a b**** again when the helping-time is over.

Ya’ll it is very confusing and very annoying. It’s come to the point where this annoys me so much I have gone past the point of caring. I am just doing me and thinking I should just focus on what I want - which is joining another team part-time (for context, I work in a charity and am currently in the fundraising team but want to go back into the programmes team). Last thing, I want to reiterate (in case people think I am being extra emotional or sensitive) several other people have also noticed this behaviour/commented on it from S and N. And our big bosses (in office) H and R have no idea/possibly ignore it if they do know. Ab keya karoon? I feel stuck and like I don’t wanna be here anymore, but the thing is I recently got accepted into a PhD course (which I have been working toward for a while now) and I need to do it part-time along with working (cos I need money). That starts in September and unless I find a new job like TODAY (which is impossible cos I have started looking casually and so far there is nothing I want out there atm) and build up enough rapport by Sept to ask for condensed hours…Imma have to stay here and do condensed hours.

What do you guys think?

12

PhD is stressful enough as it is without adding obnoxious coworkers to the mix. I would just keep searching for another part-time job. Some things are not worth losing your health and sanity over.

Also, I had told you before that eventually everyone around “S” will start noticing her behavior…and that’s exactly what happened today. The other coworkers might be bumchummy with “S,” but experience has taught me that such friendships are built on an insincere foundation and at some point they will fall apart. If you stick around long enough at the place (which I would not recommend) you will come to see this crumbling pass. And there’s a very simple reason for this. You see, folks like “S” are aadat se majboor…it is their habit to be a two-faced jerk to others. It’s like part of their character. So when people like “S” are being nice to others, it’s like they’re suppressing that nastiness. And like my 10th grade English teacher once said during a novel study: Anything that is suppressed will eventually come out. Therefore, one day (unless she’s guided) S will make the same mistakes with those that she is currently friends with…thus turning at least one of them into an enemy. I have seen such dynamics at work lead to eventual downfall and I can tell you…it’s only a matter of time.

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Update: I resigned and am doing PhD fulltime…

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All the best for your PhD Beeba.

Remember that to operate in the business world, especially if youre working under someone, you need to have a certain amount of selfishness & toxicity to deal with others in the business (who are essentially the same way or worse).

PhD will not necessarily bring better but different work opportunities… like more in the research / reading / studying fields.

anyways, whatever you choose, best wishes.

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