This is about me and my ex-best friend. We used to be extremely tight with each other. It was almost like nothing could come between our friendship. I often used to tell her that life happens and things don’t always stay the same. She used to disagree and say not in our case because nothing can ruin our friendship. Well, Exactly what I thought started to happen. At that time I had just met the guy I’m engaged to now. She was very happy for me at the beginning. My fiance got along with her just fine knowing how strong mine and her friendship was. Slowly, it all started to get really ugly. She started to feel that I was pushing her away because of my fiance (at that time he was not my fiance though.) I generally have a very busy routine because of work, university, family. So before I had met my fiance my best friend and I would go do something together when I had a day off or even if we did something with other friends we would still plan out the whole thing together. But after Meeting my fiance when I had a day off I would meet up with him instead. Which I think she should have understood. I used to still hang out with her but I obviously had to take out time for him too. As things started to get serious between me and him she felt more insecure and started to dislike him. So to make this short, my b-day came up. She wanted to plan my bday at a place which my fiance thought was not reasonable and thought we could have it at some other place. He didn’t have a problem with her planning it out but he didnt like the environment of that place. I obviously respected his view because I knew I will be marrying this guy and he was objecting because he thought it was not a decent place for me to go to. She used to say that she has known me longer than he has known me but I listen to him more than I listen to her. I was just being crushed in the middle. Finally, mine and her friendship ended which left me with this HUGE guilt until today. Maybe because I know she cared and she was always there for me during the bad times when my fiance wasn’t in my life. This is what I heard from other friends “she ruined our friendship because of a guy and did not stand up for it.” I am mashallah very happy with my fiance. Although I know deep inside him he is happy that I’m not friends with her anymore because he thought she was a bad influence:(. He has his reasons for saying that but I never picked up anything “bad” from her because she always respected my likes and dislikes. Do I have a reason to feel quilty or do you think I did the right thing. Please Help!
i can see why she wouldve been upset, maybe she could have tried a bit harder to accept that you had a fiancee now and he was gonna be an important person in your life. maybe she felt a bit jealous cos of this, did you ever reassure her that she was still your best friend etc? cant you make it up with her? its never too late.
I tried making things better between me and her. But things have gotten so bad that it wouldnt work out. Because after all that happened her and my fiance dont get along at all. (btw we got engaged after mine and her friendship was done)
Re: Guilt of losing a friend
Things change once you get married.. Both partners have new obligations to fulfill. I treat a married couple as a unit, so if a friend of mine gets married, I’ll try to become a family friend. If that’s impossible or I feel that one partner doesn’t like me as a friend, I’d quietly distance myself from the couple.
But we were not engaged at that time. She knew that it was leading towards marriage though.
Re: Guilt of losing a friend
I’m not gonna judge your friend. But my experience tells me that married couples accept you more readily when they know you’re not an interfering person.
whether it really was ur fault or not..who cares?..girls life changes when she gets marreid..her priorirties change..dont waste ur energy on feeling regret..u move on with ur life..and let her move on with hers..focus on more important stuff in ur life now..its not a big deal..ull make new freinds who understand u better..
Soni you’re right but the thing is obviously I’ve moved on. It’s not about making new friends got lots that understand me. But it’s just that feeling I guess that I have to get rid of. The annoying feeling of guilt:smack:
Re: Guilt of losing a friend
a third person should never be the reason for breaking a friendship apart, if they are then that relationship wasn't strong enough to begin with..