I gave birth on saturday. I decided not to breast feed as my daughter is 4 years old and she kept saying we will not love her nw. Even though I kept assuring her that we love her more and will always do She stays with me all the time and even my 7 years old nephew.
I decided not to breastfeed. Now I feel like crying. Im feeling so depressed.
My daughter is acting weirdly, crying for no reason. Bt wat abt my son. Im thinking of expressing nw and give him. I dnt know wat to do.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
I think you should ask your husband to take your daughter when you have to breast feed. Maybe he can take her out for a little walk, engage her in some play activity, or a game on computer. And why is your nephew there…he needs to be with his parents.
Hubby cant take time of work so my mum moved in with us. As my mum is here they come for her bt they stay with me mostly even before babys birth. they wont go hme.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
okay…so you need to ask your mom to help you in this situation. She is here to help. The nephews need to know that you can’t give your time to them, maybe the message needs to be conveyed to your brother/sister by your mom. If your mom can’t then you have to convey this message to your sibling(s). You should ask your mom to take your daughter when you have to breast feed. You can also look into enrolling your daughter in a pre- school program or make a schedule for her and your mom, things your mom can do with her when you have to breastfeed.
When your husband gets home, he should help you with the daughter when you have to breast feed.
ps. congrats on your son. What did you name him?
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
I feel I intruded. Just read title. in realtime posts and clicked. My apologies.
Good luck with your kids.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
Postpartum depression. Might not have anything to do with your situation, but the chemicals inside your body after giving birth. Maybe decreased dopamine or other chemical imbalance. Feelings of guilt, anxiety, overwhelmed= Postpartum depression. Give it some time, your situation might not be as overwhelming as it seems now.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
Congratulations, i pray you and the baby are well iA.
Your newborn deserves the best and the best you can give him is your milk. I know there are genuine cases where breastfeeding isn’t an option so Mum’s have to turn to formula milk.
What worked for us when our second was born was to make the eldest understand that she is a big sister, who has teeth so she’s big enough to drink/ eat, but the newborn doesn’t have any teeth so all it can do it drink milk from Ammi when it gets hungry.
As for the nephew being around, well you could either bf in your room and lock the door or use a dupatta to cover yourself whenever he’s around.
I pray that you are able to successfully bf iA, and feel better soon :flower:
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
I was feeling very guilty too when me n hubby decided to try for a second child, as if my first wasn’t “enough” for us. But, please don’t. YOU need to stop feeling guilty or as if you are shortchanging your elder daughter. your second child will never ever get as much of the attention and spoiling as your first born, so please DO NOT feel bad for your daughter. You have given her a precious gift in the form of a sibling, a life long play mate, a companion in times of need, who will be there to support and love your daughter even after you and your husband are long gone. He is the reason she will learn to be a caring, compassionate, sharing individual and become a great daughter, sister, even wife due to those qualities, instead of just being raised a spoiled selfish brat. Kids feed off of the energy we give them, so if you yourself get rid of this guilt, and realize how huge of a favor you are doing your daughter by loving BOTH your kids equally and giving BOTH the best you can, she will also start to feel like she is not being cheated.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
Yeah thanks for reminding the depressed OP of her and her husband’s pending death; that will cheer her up.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
From what I understood, OP feels guilty because she didn’t breastfeed her newborn and not because she had another baby.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
Congratulations on the new baby.
Your symptoms sound like post-partum depression. Don’t lose hope…things will even out eventually.
Do try the suggestions in the thread. If you cannot bf then express and let the baby have that. There are vital nutrients and antibodies in mother’s milk that the baby will truly benefit from.
At the end of the day if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen. Millions of kids have lived happy, healthy lives without ever being bf.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
Why is bfeeding with the 4 yr old in the same room…not an option? If u have no help…thats what u gotta do… 4 yr olds r old enou to understand… Dont underestimate how smart they are. Explain that its the food source for the baby… Just like it was for them when they were babies… Get the kid involved.
Dont get depressed over this…
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
A friend of ours’ had a baby in October last year.
Their 2 year old son was very, very jealous from the minute the newborn was brought home.
He would throw a fit every single time the baby needed either mom or dad. He would scream his lungs off.
The behaviour lasted for a week or two and as they got him used to the baby he became much better. In a matter of a month he went from absolutely hating the new one to loving his little sister so much!
Have patience.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
It’s temporary; she’ll get over it. You shouldn’t deprive the baby because of it.
You could have a chat in greater detail with your daughter and tell her all the advantages of being the eldest child and older sibling, stressing independence, being stronger, smarter, more helpful, more understanding, etc. Involve her in the chat and get her to brainstorm all the things she can do that the baby can’t as well as explain why the baby needs mommy. Maybe look at her baby photo album together so that she’s reminded that mommy did the same with her as she is with the baby. Pump her up, so that she’ll feel better about being away from mommy sometimes and also feel good about having a lil brother and being a caring/helpful older sister. Praise goes a long way. Praise her when she does something independently. Praise her when she gives you a break to nurse the baby; tell her you appreciate how she gave you that break. Praise her in front of relatives too. Don’t go over board. But you get the idea.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
umm…if a fully grown adult capable of delivering two children is not fully aware of the fact that we are not immortal and WILL all die someday (which is a major concept behind procreation if you ever think like an evolutionary biologist), she definitely should not be raising children. its a fact of life and the reason we live to the fullest not some conspiracy theory or crazy hidden fact only happy people are supposed to know about.
p.s. the idea that both your children will outlive you is actually a source of joy and satisfaction for most parents. i don’t know of many parents looking to outlive their children.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
Re-read then. OP decided not to breastfeed BECAUSE her 4 yr old kept complaining about not being loved anymore. The guilt stems from the idea that the second child is taking love away from the first. Sure, the decision of the OP to not breastfeed is adding to the guilt. But what is your proposed solution? give teh OP reasons to not feel guilty about not breastfeeding simply because the first child will be offended? wouldn’t you rather go to the root of the problem, which is that child #1 feels left out and mom feels guilty because of this new sharing of love and attention between 2 children, so that BOTH children get the love and attention they deserve?
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
I didn’t say anything against your solutions.
She decided to not breastfeed becasue of her 4 years old. But the guilt is for not breastfeeding, and not for having another kid. And that is what your post suggested.
Anyways, OP, everything will be alright. Involve your 4 years old in activities with the newborn and she will be allright, in sha ALLAH.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
Hi, get your daughter involved with looking after her little brother. when it is time to feed him, sit her with you and talk to her so she knows she is still getting your attention, or read a book to her, or use that time to give her a snack and a drink which she eats sitting next to you.
other posters have already suggested this partially. there is no reason to feel guilty, infact it builds a childs curiosity, I’ve breast fed all three of mine and my older two understood completely that baby needs milk from mummy when I explained it to them even though when baby was born my son was 3.5 yrs and daughter only 19 months.
Re: guilt is killing me; severely depressed
i would be more nervous if the 4 yr old was a boy… just do it and explain to her this is how the baby will be fed.. otherwise he will cry and cry and cry and be very hungry… she will understand…
if you can’t … don’t feel so depressed… i had my second when first one was 1.5 yrs.. i practically put the baby in the older on’es lap .. he was always involved in little chores like get a diaper. rash cream from the drawer, he loved it and became so responsible.. and was never jealous of the little sibling.. ( p. s. (involve her in every thing )
Thanks everyone for suggestions. I m feeling little better nw. I tried bf he wouldnt suck also tried expressing for few days and other than 80ml nthing came out. Nurse said I should take medicine to improve milk bt decided not to im returning to work after 2 months.
My daughter is still behaving very badly. Crying alot and throwing lots of tantrums.
Only thing in my mind is circumcision nw. Worried alot. Contacted lots of drs to discuss local anesthetic or numbing cream. Bt they all dnt. One dr does use bt he doesnt use ring instead uses stitches.
We have appointment tomorrow. Dnt know how day will pass. Please pray.