if both of you have no problem with eachother and you found your husband good with you...then go ahead...this gap will easily be removed if you start commincating with him..no one can make him against you dear..man gets what he strives for...might be your husband is waiting for your call...n inshaAllah you will be with him soon Ameen...i don't find any problem beside ego of both party or familes.. At least try n leave den to Allah..
You know how he is and that most likely things will not change with him or his family. Knowing who he is if you want to still be with him then you go back to him without him apologizing to you or your family. If he comes back to you and apologizes himself then go back to him. If you are not willing to go back without him apologizing and he doesn't then get a divorce and move on. People with children still get married again but in our culture it is harder to. He doesn't need a divorce and religiously can get married again but you cannot. Your child needs a father figure.
He wants me to come back. but he dnt want to apologize for his mistakes n misbehaviours he done wd my father.
My parents want me to restore my family but with respect. and Im waiting from his end. Reason is his mother n sisters , who kept teaching him not to bent, if u do then there will be no respect for him and he agrees them. He don't wana divorce me but his family wants him to. For his family, me n my family has disrespected them so they are on revenge. Don't know what he will do.
are u both intouch via phone ? if yes , does he enquires about his daughter and about you ? OR was this what he said a year back and you're still clinging on it.
if you both are in contact through other means then I think it's very good and in my opinion then you should tell him that you don't want to end this marriage and that he should come and take you both home.
and I don't understand revenge , whom are they avenging ? their granddaughter / niece / daughter ? their own flesh and blood. I just cannot swallow the fact that how can a person abandon his/her own child that too a newly born.
Thanks everyone for your inputs.
Diamond@ he contacted me few weeks back n I told him, need no separation, just figure a mid way to end our useless fights. I have hope n believe in ALLAH, he will come for us.
Reha @ dear I only mean as a woman I need to be secure and helpless in a sense, fed up of having fights on useless things. I did mistake by arguing n not controlling my temper and I learned I have to do it. need to be trained on anger management
No offense, but - are your parents asking you to stay bcos they were offended by something he said to them? If so...you need to think straight and realize that if your husband has a problem with ur parents...u really can't do anything abt it. If the problem is deeper than that (he mistreated you, abused you, disrespectful etc etc) then i understand not wanting to go back. But if you're doing this purely cos he doesn't like your family...i think you've shot urself in the foot.
But again...all things considered...he hasn't come to see his daughter...that's f'd up. So yeah...you aren't hopeless/helpless....think about your problem with ur husband/parents objectively...don't think emotionally abt your parents. If you still feel what he did is unforgiveable to the point where u haven't spoken to him for a year...then take action and leave him...cos i mean, srsly...it's been a year apart...i doubt he would change.
I havnt read the whole thread but just by your post alone, if you and your husband are living separately and not on speaking terms, nor did he wish u or his own daughter 'happy bday' then WHY would you want to send him anything?
If you stop looking for “help” from other people and treat yourself like a self sufficient adult, you will have no problem overcoming this. You’re a wife, a mother, a grown up, etc…do you really need to be told stop arguing? Do you need to be told how to live your life?
The idea of being helpless is not right…you cannot afford self pity, insecurity, being hopeless, etc.
I say send a gift. no need for something so so expensive. send a small birthday cake, or maybe a tie. To add a touch, maybe have your daughter send a gift. if she is a baby, maybe you can do something like a hand print. Actually better yet, it could be a picture frame, with a picture, of u all or just him and daughter together. Put the ego aside for a minute, your trying to get him back, spending $50-$100 on a chance to save your marriage is not a big deal.
Secondly, give it a try, if you are not living in a joint family, then definatly go back. If you are, just keep inmind that ur married to him, in a few years, your sil will get married and move on, and your father and mother in law will pass away as well.:) dont mess up your life for anyone else. Try to keep your family away from him, and try to be reserved with his family. Time can heal all wounds as long as you dont amputate. Like ur just seperated, maybe u can get back together.
Anyway, give it a try, if it doesnt work, atleast u know u tried.
Reha , Deeba @ dear i didn’t said I need others help to solve my issues. I never asked. ALLAH n myself is enough to solve it. I can take care of my child and Im doing that. Helpless mean, my inner is not satisfied by accepting my hubby behaviour whether he is right or wrong. everyone has their differences. Im working on that. Of course its my life and I have to take stand and I will. I just simply asked opinion on sending a gift by explaining the situation. Im sorry to say most of my friends didn’t emphasize on it but Im still happy to have alot of guppies concern abt my situation and I appreciate it.
Only a mother n father take care of his / her child. If he is not there yet, no problem, Im for her. I have hope for best.
cpa 2011 @ Thanks alot dear for positivity.
This time is hard for me but I believe in ALLAH n myself. Koi na koi rasta nikal hi aye ga.
I wish best for everyone. Thanks again , I really appreciate
knjaved - I am glad that he calls you and as per your posts there is not a complete cut off b/w you two. Work on this and I pray that you both get together again and your daughter gets the love of both mother & a father ameen
As I mentor my son and tell him that if every time someone does a bad thing to you and you do a bad thing in return you will soon become the worst person on the planet...to destroy a family over his parents or your parents ego is insane.....If you love him go back to him...his parents want you to
fight back and if you do you fall for their trap and they win...don't give power to people, if they can make you angry they control you.
I became happy in my life when I decided to embrace humility, no one can hurt my ego because I have none, do things because of what Is best for you and not because of egos.
Appears that he's being childish and you are retaliating by being childish back...sometimes my honey says to me that we should not be nice to so and so because they were rude to us, and I tell her that they are mean to us because they are mean people and we will be nice to them because we are nice people.
Have you ever told him how much you love him, some people never find love in life he is lucky to have someone that loves him....but if you really love him you should fight for your relationship ,you are a adult and don't have to listen to conditions set by your parents......If I had to I would have eaten a mile of **** to be with my honey...actually.. I did...because I had decided that no one an separate us. Send him the gift and don' feel hurt he does not reciprocate..don't give up on your marriage
I won't. My parents have no conditions dear. I need to be satisfied, without that I can't make him n his family happy.
We both know, we love each other but he is not taking step and I want him to come a step forward and onward I'll move with him. Just struggling for best, ALLAH knows best n I hope HE will do best for both of us.
Honestly, he is a married man.Sure parents are important,but a wife is half your religion as well.A man who cannot even care for your daughter,how can you want him back?I can understand letting go is hard,but sometimes its the only way to truly be fair to yourself. A year puts a lot of distance in between two couples,I suggest you move on girl.I hate to pop your bubble but he is never going to be worthy of you, or anyone.You have done nothing wrong,so without any guilt MOVE ON. He does not deserve gifts. No offence...
I am happy that inspite of all the negativity spilled by your husband, both of your families and even here in this thread, you are sill striving to give it a chance. Your story reminded me of someone I know, and she ended up having divorced finally, after separation of four years. SHE was the reason behind putting the divorce off this long, tho everyone else was so upto it. There were no hopes in the marriage. Husband was a complete jerk so its sad that it took four precious years of her life before decision. Still, this is how it looked and this is how it ended. Things just end if you dont struggle to make them.work. I understand wgy you dont want to quit o the relationship even.after one year of separation. Your baby is the pivot. Like sadzzz said, you need to give it a go for your daughter. There is hope definitely, I have seen couples reaching the verge of marriage breaking and returning to be united for the better. So it could be either you will have a patch up.or you will know better and in.more clear terms if your husband can really stand for you.
That all being said, what reha said, please dont keep wallowing in your one sided love for him if he stil doesnt respond. A family should live together instead of living for their parents family and living out their false ego. Tell him the first ever human relation that Allah made is that of husband and wife. Your and his parents and the family come after that. And specially now when you have a baby, you both have your own family and it should be put first.
Set a time limit and put forth all your energies, involve friends and such people.you think are sincere to.both of you and if it.still doesnt wotk, maybe it wasnt meant to be. Lastly, you are a mother now, so, mab up for your daughter. Do not be so wane. If it works, fine, if doesnt, walk out. Your love for your daughter should be stronger than that for anyone else who doesnt really value it.
Reminds me of a dialogue I heard in a.movie, it said, dont fall in love, rise in love. Loving your husband is prolly the most glorious thing, but love yourself too. Your daughter, will be tomorrow what you are today.
thanks Mirage, I appreciate your views.
My husbands love me but he is weak to take a stand, I will wait for him to move forward but if he's not, then I will do. For my child n him as well.
