GS particular

Lifestyle Relationships
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How does one deal with rumors? Those on GS and those in real life? While I do love it when you ladies gossip about me, I must say I am shocked and impressed by your vivid imaginations.

But in general how should one deal with rumors that are spread in the professional and social environment that reflect on ones moral character. To simply state one should ignore it is tantamount to the old saying “silence is acceptance”. Additionally if one causes a fuss it can be seen as one creating a mountain out of a mole hill to others, while it maybe an issue of concern for you.

Additionally managing public perceptions with regard to the situation requires diplomacy and finesse which is not always the best reaction in such situations.

Should one confront those who back bite or start a country rumor campaign followed up with some shock and awe through pictures? Or just shut it and take it?

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Re: GS particular

Those who backbite...will get there just desserts...its called Karma...so I would just ignore it...I know what the truth is and those who want to go around spreading falsehood just aren't worth your time or energy!

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Re: GS particular

As long as it's not coming from a person I love/trust, I don't give a damn. I don't care what others say/think about me.

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My approach is always turn them into reality. That way every one gets what they want.
If you know what i mean.

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Re: GS particular

I find public blog entries trashing someone more amusing than upsetting. It just shows how much power you have over another being who you never even met before. Really not worth confronting unless the person means something to you.

It's easy to get upset, but how a person handles these situations says a lot about their character.

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Re: GS particular

CM

People build thier perceptions about you from the impression you give out.

If you have never lent unsavoury impressions, then no need to be worried.

On the other hand, people always talk about others whether they are good or bad because that the way society is.

Everybody has these concerns to some level.

A cautionery measure: The less important you demonstate yourself to be in an enviroment- the less people know you or care about you to talk about you.

cased closed.

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Totally.

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Re: GS particular

I dont confront people spreading rumors/backbiting at workplace but I refuse to take active part in those and normally either just keep quite or walk out.

In family, I try to keep people out of it but only people who I know would listen to me and consider.

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It's foolish to ignore rumours because it gives the person spreading the rumours more power and audaciousness to spread even more rumours. Most of us don't care about the minor comments, but when it's an attack on your character, don't let it slide.

There is no right answer in how to combat rumours. In certain instances confronting the rumour-monger privately is the way to go, in other instances, speak to a mutual friend and clarify the truth so there's a neutral party aware of the facts, and in certain egregious situations confront the rumour-monger in public with an audience so that one of the two is proven a liar.

But the only thing is not to stoop to the other person's level. Maintain your dignity.

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Hmm, this can be tricky. I think that confronting a group of people in a calm manner and telling them, "I'm not going to play the blame game and point fingers toward who may have started it. That's not the point as I understand that we all can sometimes get carried away with our words without realizing the potential gravity of them. It has come to my knowledge that there are certain rumors going around about me. I'm not going to say who disclosed the information. I'm only confronting you people directly to put those rumors to rest as you'll be hearing it from the source....or from the very person that the rumor was about." (Then make the clarification).

^During this confrontation....letting the people know that you're not "pointing fingers" and that you're not going to disclose the name/s of the suspected culprit/s.................shows others that you are the "BIGGER PERSON"....who doesn't want to instigate or fuel further drama. Not shaming the offender...can perhaps elevate you in the eyes of those who heard the rumors. It may even shame them for participating in the gossip either actively or passively.

^Being aggressive.....*might" confirm any negative views that people may uphold about you or may have encountered in the rumors.

Apart from that, I think it also depends upon the rumor. If someone has said something unsavoury about your character........and you feel that silence is synonymous with acceptance....and if you feel that making a mountain of the issue makes you look bad as well.........................then how about a more indirect but active approach???

For example (minor example)...rumor around the workplace is that you're selfish and inconsiderate. Instead of remaining silent or making a molehill mountain............how about pretending you don't know about the rumors and acting helpful and friendly toward colleagues? ACTIONS speak louder than words.......(and this includes the words of the gossiper). Your positive actions could contradict the negative rumors going around about you. Your actions can help to refute and quell the rumors. Keeping that in mind....they also have the power to fuel them.

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Re: GS particular

yeah,

wat redness said.

ps: I will read it after.

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I'm sure there are books on this stuff that I should be reading. (In fact, my next project for my next Barnes and Nobles visit...)

GS rumors: Easy, if you find out a rumor has been spread about you, just open a public blog entry and address your side of the story. If it even bothers you that much. If its something stupid and silly, ignore it and move on. But I like to just address it. Like the other day, really weird thing, someone asked me in my journal if I had said something negative about them, which I hadn't. And I just said to her that I had no clue what she's talking about and I had never said such a thing. Whether people want to believe it or not, up to them. I could care less these days.

At work: You have to be more diplomatic, and no, you can't write an expose on the rumor spreader and address the rumor frankly with everyone. At least, that's never worked for me.

Find out what people are saying about you through good friends who will tell you, and then just show through your actions that those comments are not true.

Ex. Rumor : You're lazy and you don't want to work.

Your response: Work harder and try not to let the ball drop, and don't be afraid of asking people for feedback "Hey, I'm trying to do x, y, z, and I just wanted some tips - am I doing this right? Am I speneding enough time on this project? Does it show I'm putting effort into this? How can I improve my work?" etc etc.

People will automatically stop believing in the rumor when they see you're not living up to it.

Ex. Rumor: He's dating the secretary

Your response: Make sure you're not seen anywhere around her; don't be caught alone with her; and maybe even approach her and tell her you heard this rumor and that for professionalism's sake and for the security of both your jobs, you don't want people to think there is an office affair going on. She'll do what she can from her end to quell anyone's suspicion.

I don't know. Just depends on what the rumor is. But addressing the rumor by calling some meeting or holding a press conference just doesn't have the same effect as showing it is untrue by your actions. People pick up on stuff you're doing - they're watching you when you think you're not being watched...

So, show them the rumors are untrue by your actions.

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Re: GS particular

Budnaam na hoon gaay tu kiya naam na hoo ga :wink:

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Re: GS particular

If the rumors are on GS....how can you be sure the message was not twisted along the way? For example, the original source may have said something mild to another person....who changed the wording and exaggerated it a bit making it seem much harsher. Try clarifying it privately with the original source then (IF the rumor is a huge deal).

If it's not a big deal...then let it go. In most cases, people here don't know one another. It's anonymous. And here...you're judged more by your posts than your actions or what you're like in person. People's posts...and I mean this in a general way (not directing it toward you) give an impression (either negative or positive...and you can change that impression).

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Re: GS particular

Rumors are part of life... And If you In a public place like NET or some comunity then be prepare for Rumors ;)

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Doesn't mean you should sit there and take it quietly. You should always speak up for yourself.

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Re: GS particular

as expected, CM blowing his own trumpet. :smack:

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Re: GS particular

Personally, I would confront the very few close ones, shed a few tears about the acquaintainces and just let the rumors fizzles out and I am talking from personal experience. It really hurts because u think those gossiping about u would give u the benefit of the doubt but if they don't then at the end of the day, they aren't worth ur loyalty.

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Confront, always. They'll be careful next time on.. if it's a baseless rumour and an opinion (ex. he's lazy) let it pass. But if it's a lie.. or a made-up story or one of those "you what she said about you..." and you havn't said a word..definately confront!

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But then they will think we are being Defensive…(?) :hmmm: