Grilling the Prospect

Lifestyle Relationships
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what are some of the key questions one must ask if meeting a prospect for the first time?

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

100 Pre Marital Questions – Haq Islam
i used a lot of these questions. But it’s important to keep it relaxed. And ALWAYS keep in mind that many ppl lie or try to come up with answers that they think the other person wants to hear.

Ask qs like:
What are your future goals related to your work and your personal life?
What do you do on the weekends? If he or she says “go out,” then try to be really cool/calm… Ask back, “oh ok, like partying or smoking sheesha?”. If you ask stuff in a more nonchalant way, you get a more honest answer.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

100 questions? Screw that, I am going solo.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

Ask if:

  1. he is a closet gay?
  2. wife beater?
  3. he is gonna be polygamous?
  4. he will work?
  5. he will share chores in the house?

want more? :)

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

I'd just start with very general stuff like would he be ok with his wife working, would he be living with his parents or moving out, does he believe in couples having contact before marriage etc.

I think even with very basic questions like those you can guage a lot about the guy's character and values and if he's likely to be compatible with you..

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

Q1. What is the most important thing you look for in a partner?

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

LOL

True and I believe it vary from person to person on how comfortable they are or are with such types of question which in itself can be a good indicator. Thanks.

I don't think there can be, atleast there isn't for me, one such thing which can completely change my decision. I am more of a value package person, lols.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

for the first time you should take it easy. don't ask too many questions. and give the other party some time to ask you questions as well so it doesn't look like an interrogation session :)

ask questions about his work and future plans
is he particular about his wife working after marriage or not working after marriage or he will leave that decision on the wife.
whether he wants you to observe purdah and if yes to what degree.
what are his fav pastimes.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

Thanks :) Will iA be following your advice.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

I have a question for you...... what kind of thought process is going on in your mind that you want to ''grill'' the prospect?

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

Personally, I see no point in "grilling" a prospect because it's quite easy for a guy to respond to the "grilling" with false information, which he thinks the girl wants to hear. People are especially prone to doing this when they KNOW they are being grilled. It's rather like in grammar school when you knew were in trouble with the headmistress and answered all her questions perfectly with what you thought she wanted to hear to avoid getting into trouble, regardless of whether or not you were being truthful. I think Deeba said this earlier, but people are more likely to be truthful if they are asked basic questions in a casual, relaxed and most significantly, non-judgmental setting.

I also wanted to add that overzealously grilling potential prospects comes across as rather hostile as if the person is overly suspicious, extremely cynical, or bitter from past experiences, none of which are attractive qualities in a potential spouse. I understand that one should be cautious (especially with all the horror stories one hears these days) but no one wants to feel as if they're being interrogated by MI-6 in a James Bond film.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

Brilliant. "Yessir, I am a wife beater"

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

Seriously?! At the first meet up?

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Re: Grilling the Prospect


these are just core issues...of course, not on the first meet up...may be on the second or third meet up. :)

the girl will ask tactfully and wrap her questions in beautiful words and andaaz. :) jaise, regarding the first question, she may ask like this:

-aapko laRkiyaaN acchchhii lagtii haiN?
-aapko bachche pasand haiN?
-aap ne kabhii kisii laRkii ko date par le jaane kii da'vat dii?

etc :)

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

The grilling bit was added to make the topic not super serious...what I mean to ask was just basic questions u should ask each other & what in general should one talk about in order to keep it comfortable and at the same time get to know the person.

KKF- this is not a joke, kindly don't treat it like that.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

I don't know, maybe I'm old school, but when did Rishta hunting or the process of finding a spouse start to look more like a job interview than just two people getting to know each other in a respectful and fun way?

I speak only for myself but if I felt like I was being "grilled" or "interviewed" by a potential spouse or her family, I would stop them in their tracks and walk out. It just sounds offensive and not fun at all.

I think some of the best parts of finding a mate are the getting to know each other bits, whether it be over phone calls or going out together and spending time with each other. This whole interview thing is getting out of hand and then you have all these women complaining about why they're single, well, it's because you're treating marriage like a job interview with a check list in your hand. It's ridiculous. Also, you should know that you're not going to get all the answers before the marriage, so if you want ALL the information, every little detail, you're going to be waiting a long time. The best part about marriage is to continue to get to know your spouse after marriage and trying to help them shape into someone you want and trying to mold yourself into someone they want you to be.

You people have taken out all the romance out of the process and crushed it with your high 'nokeeli' heels.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

IslamiCity.com - Questions to ask a prospective spouse

I wouldn’t grill…but if you’re at a loss for questions or topics to talk about or even how to approach them…I found some of these questions decent.

Don’t ask 100 of them! These are just conversation starters or to give you an idea of where you’re headed.

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Some of the questions you’ve had to provide answers to kkf? How did you deal with these core issues?

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

Like i had mentioned before, i didnt literally mean to grill the prospect. I agree with your post and definitely it makes sense to take the whole thing casually that way they wont be pretending or giving answers which are correct and prepared but not heartfelt.

so yah, thank-you for your help.

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Re: Grilling the Prospect

You should be asking him things that are of concern to you and not other. Oh and please keep in mind that poor guy is not coming for a job interview so please have a conversation instead of Q&A session.

If you start asking other’s questions, you will end up nowhere. For example I only asked, “tumheen chai :chai: banana aatee hai?” - I am not sure how important is that for u but for me it was a deal breaker :snooty: