I have been trying to cope with alot these days since 3 individuals in my family’s close friends’ circle are getting married as early as next month. One of these is a good friend of mine who I have been very close to, despite our numerous arguments and differences in perspective. I have known her ever since my Sweet 16th party which is when I had first met her.
I am going through a major “withdrawal” syndrome right now in the sense that I tend to almost avoid thinking of the fact that next month she will be getting married and moving away from me in NJ to Chicago, IL to be with her hubby. Last evening we met up at a local mall to just walk around and talk on a one-on-one basis for the last time before her marriage. We shared alot, cried together, and promised that no matter what, our friendship will always be a special bond that we will maintain and that we will visit each other and watch each other’s children grow up, etc. It was all very emotional for me last evening. I was even crying in the car all the way home.
My family and I are throwing a dholki party for her also, which is in 2 weeks time. I know myself way too well…I will be an emotional wreck! I will try getting the crying bit out of the way before the function starts though. I am just extremely sad to be “losing” her, that is all.
How do I deal with these issues that I am confronting regarding her getting married and moving away?
Moona: I went through that too. When my best friend got married, I felt so lonely. I thought that world would end now and what what I do without her. We made a promise that we will call each other at least 5-6 times a week. Visit 2-3 times a year.
Then my dear, I myself got married and life became so busy. We keep in touch but its not the same as priorities have changed.
The best way to deal with that is to face it. I think I cried alomst everyday till she was gone. Then things settled. I tried doing other things but nothing worked and that empty feeling lingered with me all the time. I was depressed but life moved on. I know my answer is not going to help you much but thats what happened to me.
roshnie and muniya, thank you so much for your kind advice. yes, i am going through something of a little hell right now if you know what i mean. but i am convinced that in time, this dark cloud over me will pass and i will be back to normal once again. it’s probably all in my head anyway. who knows but allah mian.
funguy, i do plan on getting married as soon as allah mian introduces me to the right gentleman, inshallah i will be married in no time myself. however, i don’t think the solution to me overcoming my momentary depression has to do with me getting married right away also, funguy. i think like my friends, as well as muniya and roshnie say, everyone goes through this feeling. one just needs to cope with it as life is never at a standstill. life moves on, although i will never lose her as my friend. the only difference will be that she will be married and so her priorities will shift a bit.
All of my friends that I grew up with and went to highschool with are all gone.
I learn to go with the flow, its hard not having anyone around to talk with or be friends with, however, I remember Allah (swt) he is the friend of those who have no other friends.
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*Originally posted by Majestic: *
All of my friends that I grew up with and went to highschool with are all gone.
I learn to go with the flow, its hard not having anyone around to talk with or be friends with, however, I remember Allah (swt) he is the friend of those who have no other friends.
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Yes, I am in a similar situation where all my close friends who I grew up with are married or are currently getting married. It can be tough to lose everyone, but try and remain in touch with one another although it gets difficult as people move away. The best way to deal with it is to stay busy, start new activities and meet new people. As long as you keep yourself occupied, you will be fine and too busy to dwell on the sad things in life!
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*Originally posted by moona: *
i do plan on getting married as soon as allah mian introduces me to the right gentleman, inshallah i will be married in no time myself.
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Hello Moona, my nick is The Grateful Dead. Now that introductions are out of the way, jaldi say tareekh bataeiN.
Is April the “offical” desi marriage month?? I’m getting hitched next month. Moona, to give you the other side of the picture, it’s not exactly easy for your friend to leave everything to move to a new city either. I mean she’ll have to adjust to everything new, so I realize it can be tough for you, just think of it as a change/movement of life. Many of my friends have moved away for various reasons and it’s really heart wrenching to see them go, but youi can still try to keep in touch. Truth be told, it’s never the same, but atleast you’ll still be a part of each others lives.
awwww, RF you're getting married next month also...hehehe...yes, seems April is indeed the desi wedding month these days! Many congrats in advance. Also, thanx for the advice.
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*Originally posted by moona: *
awwww, RF you're getting married next month also...hehehe...yes, seems April is indeed the desi wedding month these days! Many congrats in advance. Also, thanx for the advice.
:)
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Aww shucks! Thanks for the kind words of encoragement. I am dealing with my own phobias and denials of reality related to marriage. Hope you feel better and have fun at your friends wedding!
RF, you'll be fine! Think of it this way: you're getting hitched to the one girl who you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with in bliss. Now what can be better than that, right? Best wishes and keep your cool. I believe they say that pre-wedding jitters are a common phenomenon. No need to worry.
Thanks for kind words. yeh, it’s not like an arranged marriage my mom had planned with some girl I never met from Pakistan. I guess the biggest thing I am worried about is the post wedding thing where we’ll have to live together, I mean I’ll see her 24/7 because we work in the same firm. Don’t want to hijack your thread but I’m scared
RF, please don’t be scared. People get married all the time. Everyone makes sacrifices as a couple. Things change but stay the same also. I am just sharing the information based on what has been relayed to me from married friends. Wow, you guys work in the same company also? That’s pretty cool.
but I’m scared 