So why is it that when someone dies, people gather at their home and instead of paying respects or offering some kind words, they start banging their hands on their chests and do “hai hai, yeh kya hua, bechari tum, ab kya hoye ga” and make it even more terrible than it already is.
I’m not very good at this stuff either for sure but a few months ago, this friend of mine had a 4th daughter who died a couple months after her birth. So many of us were at her home, just sitting with her, watching her other kids, when this lady walks in banging her chest and saying: “hai Allah ney 3 betyion key baad chothi bhi beti dee, aur woh bhi cheen li, Allah ney kyun aisa kya tumharey saath?” and then she broke down and started crying so hard that my friend asked her mom to take that aunty out of the room
This is defintely a cultural thing but I don’t understand the need for it. Eh?
I don't think there is a need for it at all.
If I remember correctly; there is no place in our religion for this type of behavior.
Our motto is and will always be
"From Him we come and to Him we shall go"
When the Prophets(PBUH) lost his very precious son; only a silent tear leaked from his eyes.
I just pray that when I'm faced with such a situation I can follow my Prophet's (PBUH) example.
I never understood such behavior, ESPECIALLY when it is not coming from the grieving person himself/herself. I think it makes a situation worst. Like a person is already grieving, say something to them which will give them Sabr, remind them of our Prophet's teaching. Do not walk in and dramatically cry and put the griever in a horrible position.
when i was working my colleague came into work distressed because she'd had a difficult time with her daughter who was a trainee nurse, while at work a Pakistani baby had died and a whole group of Pakistani women dressed in white came in and started wailing,and screaming, totally scaring the other patients. my colleague was distressed and said that her daughter could not understand why this is part of our religion...i explained to her that these are people with very little understanding of Islam and that it is a cultural thing and nothing to do with Islam....it really made me mad, as these illiterate people are giving such a negative image of Islam and Muslims by wailing.
most the women sat at a 'fautgi' are not there to do 'afsos' but to catch up on the gossip
I am getting the feeling that many here are not understanding what happened at the event or, better, where does this behavior come from. Why is there a mention of statements that this behavior is not part of Islam? We all know this. This behavior is not Islamic. This is purely cultural that is handed down generation to generation. This is not an attention grabbing act, either. Same behavior is in beduins who ullale. Lack of pure Islamic teaching takes away from cultural tendencies? It does not. Islam can not be found in a pure form. It always mixed in culture. Some cultural values change in keeping with Islamic values/teachings. Islam is a dynamic force because of this. True, there are certain things that need established in certain manner. But, in deference to Muniya, the behavior that she mentioned of the Prophet (sws) is a sunnah but a farz. If shariyah says that something is to be totally forbidden then it must be done and applied accordingly.
Loud wailing is not allowed in Islam. Crying on someone's death is not allowed. It is not a time for sadness. The one who had to go has gone. Why cry for someone who had to go? We all have to go. But we are created as human beings and Allah (sbwt) has given us feelings, emotions and free will. It is a test for everyone to take from Shariyah and try to apply to him/herself.
This behavior, as described in this post, is also prevelant in Africa. We are describing a cultural behavior and debating the merit/demerit in keeping with Islamic values. Before someone jumps on me saying that this or those who wail like this are muslims, also. True, but they have learned a few things of Islam. They also are influenced by the continuing cultural tendencies around them that have been passed down from generations.
There are many, many other tendencies that people follow but they don't do it to malign Islam or Muslims. They do it because they have grown up, as Muslims, doing them. It is a matter of education... to break the cycle.
Please forgive me if I have made any incorrect remarks as to Islam and, please, correct me.
[QUOTE]
When the Prophets(PBUH) lost his very precious son; only a silent tear leaked from his eyes.
I just pray that when I'm faced with such a situation I can follow my Prophet's (PBUH) example.
[/QUOTE]
When naaijaan passed away last Eid-ul-fitr This was how all of us had cried.
Islam forbids us to scream & do all the "haye haye"
.. ?
, but that lady was there as well. But she was quite normal 
