Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

For a Pakistani Husband/boyfriend, it's a shame if the woman pays for anything.

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Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

I guess the point was that by not even offering to pay....she came across as being unappreciative. I choose a "story" that was on the extreme....but I have guy friends (and even hear DF's friends talk).....and many times I've heard them say that when they go out with girls....1st, 2nd,3rd whatever date.....how they're bothered by the fact that the girls don't even OFFER. Whether they're spending $1000, $100, or even $10....the lack of offering makes them feel that the girl doesn't appreciate their efforts or isn't giving recognition that they're making an effort. These are not guys who can't afford to shell out thousands of dollars...and the girls they date aren't poor either. Its not about the guys thinking "Oh man I spend sooooo much and she didn't pay".....its them thinking "I took her out and every time I pay....and she doesn't even care enough to even OFFER to pay once. She automatically expects that I'll pay for everything".

23

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

It’s sad that a guy can’t assume it’s his responsibility to pay. If he can’t pay for a first date, what is he planning on paying as a husband?

I’ve been recently disgusted by this attitude by a group of guys I know. They complained how girls they take out end up getting a free meal on them, and I’m like…

First off, you fed someone - doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or boy, there is sawaab in that.
Second off, she’s a woman - you’re supposed to pay for her, not the other way around and it’s poor form to expect her to even OFFER to pay.
Third, now that I know it bothers them so much, I didn’t bother to indulge when I’ve been asked out to go out with them, because I know they’re going to feel bothered by paying for food. So why should I put that bhauj on someone’s shoulders? Nevermind the fact that they make way more than I do, and can afford to feed a dog better food than what I feed myself.

And then they wonder why I wouldn’t respond to their invites to go out. :rolleyes:

24

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

If a guy flew out to see me and did all that spending, I wouldn’t help him with his bill either. You know why? Because I dont have a thousand dollars to throw around, and if he does, then he has two choices. He can either spend because he’s obviously got enough financial cushion that such an expensive trip is reasonable to him, OR he decides to grow a pair and be somewhat samajdaar in his expenses.

First off, he could have stayed at her place or at a place of her friend’s and thereby saved money on hotel. Or he could have gotten something more economic. Secondly he could have booked a cheaper fare online, or one of those specialized deals. Really, a flight somewhere, roundtrip, if planned in advance enough should be no more than 200-300 dollars MAX. So, I’m not sure where he’s getting these numbers from unless he booked late. Then like TLK said, take her somewhere moderate. It does not need to be a fancy restaurant even, it can be just some darn lattes and conversation.

Fourth, if it’s such a hassle to pay out all this money, then the best thing to do is look for a girl in your local town so you don’t need to throw so much money around.

This would, obviously, involve the gentlemen having to make the trouble of making REAL LIFE friends.

:rolleyes:

25

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

guy should pay (atleast the first one) rest dates dont matter

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Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

You’re making TONS of assumptions about this situation which I won’t bother to go through b/c its just a waste of time. I don’t know why everyone seems to focus on the same thing…maybe I’m just really bad at wording this. So I will re-repeat some points that what I already wrote in the earlier posts:

  1. I understand YOU may not have that type of income BUT in the situation I wrote, BOTH parties make equal money (they’re BOTH M.D.s in the same high income specialty). So I will repeat…lack of money was NOT an issue here on either side.

  2. Not once did he say “OMG…I spent all that money”. The MONEY is NOT the issue here. His issue was “Not one single time did she even offer to pay for lunch or dinner or drinks or even $20 snacks on a outing.” He had absolutely not expectation of her or anyone else helping him with his “bill”.

  3. I don’t think I wrote anything in any of my posts that indicated that he expected her to “match” his spending or spend tons of money on him. If anything I wrote gave you that impression, then I apologize. But there was nothing to prevent her to OFFER to pay for even snacks at the outing.

**
Going back to the original thread question:** whether it’s a 1st, 2nd, 3rd date or whatever…whether the guy is spending $1000 OR even $100 or even $10…the girl should OFFER to pay for the entire thing OR even OFFER to split the bill. Now whether or not guy allows her to pay if a different situation (perhaps a different thread?). And to be honest…most guys I know would not allow the girl to pay..at least not in the beginning. But regardless…she should at least OFFER.

27

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

Simple - there will be no second date if girl is made to pay :)

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Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

I don't necessarily think the guy should/must pay. If he offers/takes over, that is sweet. Equality in all other things but don't wanna spend money? Umm.

29

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

He offers but lets the girl pay the bill (coz she really wants to), I think that's brilliant.

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Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

It doesn't matter if they were MD's or what not. Come on, you just start dating someone and you're buying them gifts and what not?

Also, he wouldn't have let her paid yet he wanted her to offer? Why be all Dramaybaaz about it? Ugh, what a poof.

Eh sure...

31

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

What a Shohda! :mad:

32

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

I would go dutch on the first date, unless one person really liked the other and wanted to be nice. I don't see first date as a romantic thing, but more of an assessment. And I don't get why the guy should pay exclusively on the first date or ever. I don't get the expectation for the guy to pay.

33

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

Look stop beating a dead horse. Women are equal to men. Pay for your own damn food.

Women killed chivalry and now complain that men don't act in a similar manner. The world does not revolve around you snookums. You can't pick and choose how a person acts at which and what location.

34

Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

Every month we need a chivalry thread,............ to keep it 'alive'.

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Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

LMAO! Chivalry threads are on PMS time :D

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Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

I think I'd go dutch if I didnt like the guy.

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Re: Going Dutch or is Chivalry Still Alive?

and that time is all the time :chai: