I’ve WANTED to. I did move out of the house, because I wanted some independence and we were all fighting too much. Looking back on it, maybe not the smartest move. During college I had scholarships paying for my living so it wasn’t so bad, but during grad school, living expenses really added to my debt, and I wonder whether I could have just lived with my parents for a year… now that I think about it, they really saccrificed a lot paying for my apt. Was it really necessary? Maybe for like 3 years, but not so much for the fourth…
I did move away for a job just recently. I think my parents are not totally happy with it, they’d have liked to see me return home for once.
But it was a good opportunity so I took it.
Maybe in 5 years when hindsight is 20/20 I can tell you if it was a smart decision…
Otherwise, not really. I’ve been fairly obedient esp when I compare to what other girls have done.
Funny enough, I probably have a bad rep because I moved away from home, and meanwhile the girls who acted like goody two shoes and were slutting around are all, ma’shallah, happily married and settled and are getting blessings daily from all their elders.
Noor that is very deep :)
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We should never be treated like extensions of other people, even our parents. Family is not a monarchy, we are not subject to the ultimate rule of anyone but God.
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Moving away from home from uni. They know the circumstances behind it and asked them for change else I shall move, I have. Funnily enough I have no regrets except the initial upset I must've caused my parents because now our relationship is better than ever and prior to moving out was completely on the rocks.
Marriage is a thing for me they already know and I made clear to them I would find myself a suitor unless I need their help. Three of my siblings are happy and have been with their help but me and eldest bro have always been independent. I think they're growing used to the idea of us making decisions for ourselves and as long as we're happy they're happy, they community on the other hand feel as if they have a divine right to judge. Luckily my family always felt the community's opinions are not any importance to them when it comes to kids happiness and vice versa for my parents from us their kids.
My parents have never really dictated my life. Of course they would step in when I wanted to go somewhere late at night but I always listened to them. They let me choose my own major, live with whomever I wanted to and encouraged for me to do whatever I wanted to within reason. The only two things they have stopped from doing are: going to Egypt for an abroad program which I still regret not doing and although they never stopped me I could tell they were not happy about the guy I really liked and wanted to marry. I regret that too :(
My parents have always been very right when it comes to choices I have or haven't made in my life and with that on my mind plus the fear that if I did proceed to do these things they would blow up in my face, I chose to follow their intuition and wishes. I am very vocal about the regret that has come with listening to them but have great faith in both my parents. LETS HOPE SOMEHOW SOMEWHERE they are right
in regards to something major in your life? be it a university choice (living out, far etc), marriage, an event they didn't want you to go to (someones shaadi, school play, a party etc)?
They wanted me to be a doctor, I wanted to be a journalist or a public relations officer, I finished a degree in business instead and will soon start an HND in Public Relations soon - thanks to their blessings (sarcasm)
in regards to say marriage - which would have huger implications in your life.
My parents are fully aware of the wreckage brown girls are known to cause both in Pakistan and outside, so for this reason I have been given the freedom and liberty to choose anyone I wish to marry as long as they're muslim and ready to accept our culture and values if not be a part of them.
Did you feel guilty leading to the event? or even after it?
*Never, I'm gonna go in my grave and they will go in their's. As long as our actions donot hurl obstacles and keep harm's way at bay - we are all good. *
When do you draw the line at your life and how your actions will effect theirs??
Or do you never.....?
*If I am being a pain in the ass - they let me know, and if its the opposite then I talk to them respectfully and politely and take it from there. *
