In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli,
cauliflower and
spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so
Man and
Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream
and
Magnums. And Satan said "You want hot
fudge with that? and Man said “Yes!”
And Woman said “I’ll
have one too with chocolate chips”. And lo they gained 10
pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the
figure that
man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
wheat and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size
12 to size
14.
So God said “Try my fresh green salad”. And Satan presented
Blue Cheese
dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened
their belts following the repast.
God then said “I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil
in which to
cook them”. And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king
prawns,
butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it
needed its
own platter, and Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming with
potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy
skin and
sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in
animal fats
adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might
lose those
extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and
Woman laughed
and cried before the flickering light and started wearing
stretch jogging
suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer
calories and still
satisfy his appetite and Satan created McDonalds and the 99p
double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said “You want fries with that?” and
Man replied
“Yes, And super size 'em”. And Satan said “It is good.” And Man
and Woman
went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed … and created
quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then … Satan chuckled and created the National
Health
Service.
THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s
the final
word on nutrition and health.:
-
Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than us. -
Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than us. -
Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than
us. -
Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer
fewer heart
attacks than us. -
Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer
heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what! you
like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.
