funny article.
When people talk about the weather these days (the subject now comes up more often than the average male thinks about sex), the conversation invariably ends with this sardonic one-liner:
“Well, at least we don’t have global warming.”
This is an obvious poke at the president of the United States, who refuses to back the Kyoto Accord because he thinks it’s a Japanese import.
Now that is just the type of wisecrack that gives some people a good chuckle and makes others wonder why more reporters, editors and columnists aren’t in jail.
But both sides can agree that making light of the presidential intellect sidetracks us from the important issue at hand: Is there is or is there ain’t global warming?
To help you make up your mind, I’ve compiled an objective list of the strongest arguments on both sides of this debate. Examine them, weigh them, then decide for yourself.
Evidence of global warming:
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The Polar Ice Cap has been downgraded to the Polar Ice Yarmulke.
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Starting next fall, M&Ms will be marketed exclusively as a beverage. -
Hollywood has convinced Paul Newman to do a remake of "Sweaty Hand Luke." -
The Taliban has quietly issued a purchase order for 10 million air-conditioned burkas. -
Michael Jackson's latest plastic nose slid off. -
Publishers will issue an "updated" version of Eldridge Cleaver's compelling essays, titling it, "Soul on Rice." -
Makers of Rogaine are testing a product that would be applied to the thinning layer of ozone. -
If telemarketers seem less annoying, it may be because they can now only make warm calls. -
The governor of Colorado has issued a proclamation renaming Denver the "Half-Mile High City." -
Fearful that motorists and industry will continue to worsen carbon-monoxide emissions, the Department of Homeland Security has devised an Emergency Breathing Plan that authorizes red-state Americans to exhale only on even days and blue-state Americans on odd.
Evidence that there is no global warming. -
Even if the Earth’s temperature is rising, a growing number of scientists now believe this phenomenon can be attributed almost exclusively to Brad Pitt and Halle Berry.
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Virtually every stadium and convenience store in the U.S. continues to sell cold beer. -
NASA scientists confirm that Antarctica recently lost more ice to the sea than it gained from snowfall, thus raising the sea level. Yet, a spot check of national supermarket chains reveals plentiful supplies of iceberg lettuce.
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It is widely known, at least within the entertainment industry, that Coppertone never even attempted to buy product placements in “March of the Penguins.”
*] “Alarmist scientists” warn that coral reefs – so-called “homes to marine ecosystems that sustain thousands of species of fish and other marine life” – could be dead within 50 years. What they conveniently neglect to say is that the federal Drug Enforcement Administration has seized so many tons of contraband that most, if not all, coral reefs can easily be replaced by coral reefers.
