How do I get a woman I know that’s being deceived by a man she loved a lot before. Giving her strength and have her see that she’s being taken for ride by a really slick, moral-less married guy that she loved very deeply but is deceived by him. That emotional haziness is what’s stopping her. He’s gotten her to think that he was forced to get married to his wife but while he’s enjoying married life, he’s also misleading this woman that I’m talking about.
He forces his company on her. She sees it as him loving her and him not being able to live without her. Plus, if she calls the police or tells his wife, he will retaliate and spread lies about her being the aggressor. Blackmail her. She’s scared about what he might do. A month after he gotten married, after she tried to avoid him, told him to his face that she wants to have nothing to do with him, She will call the police, he forced himself on her, now she’s already tainted and not pure anymore. Allah will see her as allowing it to happen because she didn’t call the police the first couple times. She’s blaming herself.
She has the worst luck when it comes to friends and love. Being a divorced woman from an abusive, loveless marriage, she’s been through a lot of trauma already so she’s surrounded by emotional hell.
She met this guy immediately after her divorce from her painful marriage, He was not married then he saw the opportunity and he is a vulture, a parasite that’s sucking the life out of her.
Her “friend” and neighbor that knows how he is told her that calling the police is going too far and that ignoring him is better.
It’s hard for her to call the police on someone she deeply loved.
She’s a good, clean hearted person.
I can call the police on her behalf but it is something she needs to realize and get enough strength to do herself. She’s scared about how our community will judge her because they will only see the black and white aspect of it.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
I'm sorry did I read that right???
This guy raped her??? And continues to do so??? And she hasn't called the police yet???
If YOU can call the police on her behalf then why the hell don't you???
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
If someone here had posted a similar issue how can you call on their behalf? I'll try to find out where she lives so I can contact the police where she lives. I wish she could call 911 atleast now after all this time. It's sad how those three numbers are so hard to dial. She's terrified about what he will do if she did call the police.
Rape victims feel ashamed more than anything to report things like this to the police. The rapists are more often people that are known rather than strangers. They feel like they did something to cause it to happen.
I'm angriest at the neighbor that said that she should ignore him when she had asked her to call the police for her if she saw his car in front of her place.
She had reported it to his family member for him to stop and get out of her life but that family member did nothing and kept quiet and his wife was nicely misled into thinking that the woman in question wrote to his wife by accident. The wife believed him...of course.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
Is this happening in Pakistan?
Is she on her own now? Any family member of hers around?
Desi society many times is negative so she should realize reporting it or not, the people will be talking bad
Scared what he might do?
he will eventually do it someday blackmail or retaliate or whatever , she has to put a stop before more harm done
Ignoring wont do likely will carry on
You calling police in her behalf wont work , she might buckle under fear and deny
Since his family useless maybe get to his wife and tell herself her version
She already tried to message his wife twice about him forcing his company on her but he told his wife to ignore the message because it was sent to her by accident and his wife believed him. It will be worse if she contacts his wife again I think because at that point all hell will break loose and he will definitely go psycho on her.
She needs to be strong enough to call 911. I wish I was there by her side to give her strength. Keep in mind she was already dealing with the trauma of abuse in her marriage and the pain of divorce when all this started.
She lives in the US but she has no family here plus her mother is already dealing with heart problems and diabetes so in no position to help her and all her friends are fair weather friends that would be like the neighbor "friend".
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
I I'll try to find out where she lives so I can contact the police where she lives. I wish she could call 911 atleast now after all this time. She's terrified about what he will do if she did call the police.
1) You have no idea where she lives? Do you know this woman in real life? As in have you met her in person?
2) If you call the police and they go to her home, and she denies ever being raped.....what exactly do you expect the police to do?
3) Her fear about what he will do if he finds out that she or someone else called the police on him....how valid are her fears? If she's not willing to get help and YOU call the police, and he finds out.....who will protect her from him then? If he's capable of rape, what makes you think he won't beat the crap out of her and cause serious physical harm?
The point I'm making is that think through your actions. Calling the police seems like a great idea BUT if the woman herself is not willing to stand up for herself.....and the guy finds out that she's talking to other people about his behavior, that could make leads to really bad things for her. So while it's great that you want to help, make sure you don't put her in further danger in that process.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
You need to convince her to call the police. She needs to take a stand and be willing to do something like getting the police involved if it means protection from this guy. Is there another family member that she can talk to that will help? Is she living alone?If yes, why can't someone come and live with her, for her safety . And what exactly does this guy want??? Is not he happy with his marriage...you need to convince her on calling the police, doing it for her can cause serious problems.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
She needs to see a therapist and then call the police. Its no use calling his wife. Other options are to involve community leader or support groups. I am sure you can find some help groups for abused in neighbourhood.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
Rape or forced anything, it really doesn't matter what words are used. The news media makes it out to be something very dramatic, fake and over the top. When a woman is actually raped especially by someone she knows or might have held close to her heart, there's shock,trauma, total paralysis until it is over, unimaginable pain, shame that she allowed it in some way. The vision of that time is truly unforgettable. They ask why didn't you fight back, but then at that point the woman that's being forced to do something she is totally against, no matter how many times she's said no to one person she might have loved, she just waits for it to be over and prays she'll be in one piece. The paralysis is very real.
I guess for now, as I will be there for her, I hope all of you pray that she has enough courage to call the police, if he comes back.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
It does matter what words are used because they denote the severity of the act.
If you downplay the vicious act of rape she will never understand how significant a violation of her being it is....and if this is the same approach that you are using to communicate with her then perhaps that's why she is not taking the appropriate action.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
Rape or forced anything, it really doesn't matter what words are used. The news media makes it out to be something very dramatic, fake and over the top. When a woman is actually raped especially by someone she knows or might have held close to her heart, there's shock,trauma, total paralysis until it is over, unimaginable pain, shame that she allowed it in some way. The vision of that time is truly unforgettable. They ask why didn't you fight back, but then at that point the woman that's being forced to do something she is totally against, no matter how many times she's said no to one person she might have loved, she just waits for it to be over and prays she'll be in one piece. The paralysis is very real.
The part you wrote in bold....that's exactly why the words you use to describe the act matters. Saying he "forced his company on her" downplays the trauma the victim went through. Rape is a violent act where a woman's dignity is destroyed. There is no other word or phrase that can or should replace it. If one person has sex with another person without their consent, then the only accurate term to describe that act is rape. The first step in helping a rape victim is to acknowledge the fact that she was raped and it's impossible to do that without actually using the word rape.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
I'm not downplaying it. Honestly I think she's in shock. Because she loved this person that ended up being a rapist. She put him at a really sweet level.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
I'm not downplaying it. Honestly I think she's in shock. Because she loved this person that ended up being a rapist. She put him at a really sweet level.
You'd be surprised how many married women who "love" their husbands are raped by them each day.
Nobody says a word. Nobody expects it.
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
^ There is no such thing as being raped by husband in Islam. That's why nobody says a word.
perhaps I am misinformed....enlighten me....
what is it called in Islam when a husband approaches his wife, she declines his advances (for whatever reason) and he proceeds anyway......?
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
Why can't she call the police and get a restraining order.....is she able to move elsewhere so he won't know where she lives. How does he force himself into her house?
Re: Giving her strength, Getting her to see the light
She needs to get out of this trance of 'loving/loved him'. He is not what she thought him to be. Make her understand that nothing is more important than her sanity and dignity.