Do any of you get sick of it? I’m reaching the boiling point. My house is very small. My widowed mother will not come for christmas because I’m being inundated with guests. I have the nephew from Pak living here for college and his father and brother coming for a month. So my mother will not come because my tiny house will already be bursting at the seams. That aside, its not like anyone ever just takes out the overflowing trash bin or jut takes out the vacuum to run it around the house. The christmas spirit is the spirit of giving but heck man. I’m GIVEN OUT and tis not even christmas yet.
I think Mr.Verizon should be helping you. What is he up to these days ?
Perhaps you could make them a 'to do' list. It might help. Sometimes though, everyone is busy doing their own thing, and they don't realize who has to cope with the majority of the work. They might not realize what you're going through. And hope things work out for you Mamaof3. Hang in there :)
Yeah i think you should sit down with that dude be like yo it gets super busy durin xmas time so you gotta help around the house ... well not yo but u kno wat i mean ... just ask him nicely that he needs to help around the house since everythings gonna be super busy for a while and ask your mommy to still come ... its not complete without the family during holidays ... trust me even if its a lil tight u'll have a hell of a lot more fun with ur mom around
I think right before you get inundated with guests, you should call a formal family meeting. We do this often when there are big family events coming up and we need to regroup or prioritize.
Talk about the program
Chores
Responsibilities
Rewards - this is pretty good motivation to get everyone to stay on top of their game.
ack. Verzi-saab is WAY overworked. He has a full-time day-job. Has a very honored position in the corporation's Master's Engineer program which is recognized worldwide (but its like a second full-time job). He teaches college. AND he's a scoutmaster in the cub scouts (which takes about as much time as a full-time job-and-a-half). He KNOWS he's overloaded and doing his best to delegate. I cannot, in good conscience, gripe at him. He DOES get after the nephew when he is around. He is very very tough on him though, not something I could ever emulate.
I just get SO flabbergasted with this dopey college kid. I see him only when he wants a cigarette. And he will sometimes ask if theres something he can do around the house (DUH!!!! The garbage pail is overflowing, you have to ASK???") He pays no rent, his daddy pays all his bills and the only time we see him is when he wants money or a cigarette or spending money. He wont even spend morethan 10 minutes with my boys who adore and idolize him so. Too busy googling porn methinks.
As far as the incoming guests, they should not have to pay for the sins ofthe dopey college kid...but heckman, theres only so much a person should have to deal with.
I should dump myself, my 3 boys, 2 dogs and a cat on THEM for a few months. Let them wait on US for a while.
I've often heard that we show people, oftentimes unconsciously, how we want to be treated.
If you constantly put yourself out there - helping out, taking people in, being the excellent hostess that you are, cooking, cleaning, etc. - well...this shows people that this is how you roll and a lot of times, unfortunately, they'll take advantage of it.
I think maybe some firmness is in order...talk to your hubby and ask him to talk to nephew about sharing responsibilities as other people have suggested. And your guests should definitely enjoy themselves because that's what we do when we visit friends and family...but that doesn't mean they can't pitch in small ways to make your life easier (bringing dirty dishes to the sink, putting laundry in the hamper, not flooding the bathroom after use, etc.). Those aren't outrageous requests considering most of us in the states don't have any servants (unlike in Pakistan where that's the norm) and most of us, I'm pretty sure, have been taught since childhood that being a guest isn't a license to do absolutely nothing when the host is running around like nuts doing all the work. I have been a houseguest many times in several different countries and I can't remember ONE visit where I didn't help out with cooking, cleaning, running errands or whatever needed doing because that's what my parents taught me. And I'm pretty sure most others are taught the same...
aww i think you are more upset because your mom couldn't come for christmas. understandable, so basically its your hubby's bro and his 2 sons, tell them to share a room and get your mum over. its the holidays, its the time to spend with family !!! around holidays our home is always over-flowing with familyl too, as long as they don't expect a red carpet treatment, all is good and fun. as to helping out, ya you can't wait for ppl to ask you what needs to be done, you tell them what needs to be done. and your hubby, no matter how busy, will have to take some time out to help out, i am sure he is not working over the holidays, ususally when guests see the host running around, they do try and help out too, you just need to be open about it.
Your mom should not be on the backburner because of extended family of the husband. She is your primary relative!
I’d seriously talk to Verizon and see if dates can be moved around. The other two that are coming in for a visit should be told that they’re going to have to stay in a hotel or in the same room as the nephew (I’m sure the nephew would love that), to accomodate for your mother. Period. Your mom should be with you during the holidays.
I’m spending the holidays at work at my apartment, not with my parents, because my mother’s family is coming over. Her brother, his wife, their THREE kids, and her sister. So six people. My mother is already worried and was relieved when I told her I wont be living with them during their stay. She now has one less mouth to feed.
Mama I remember posting that your Nephew will not do anything on his own because he is not use to it. You have to verbalize what you want him to do. BTW why is he living with you guys? Obviously you are not comfortable with this arrangment so you need to talk to your husband about it.
Plz don't get me wrong but I think You guys are not doing any favor for this young man if this situation is creating resentment in you. The longer this situation remain like tis, the more angry you will get and eventually it will end on a sour note.
stack the guests...not over one another but tell the nephew and his dad and all to go see someone else for a few days..and have your mum over. when she leaves they can come back. and then the ppl from pak will leave, and then send the nephew away to some fun place like provo utah for spring break and enjoy 9 days of peace and quiet.
giving is good, but even the best need sometime and a break, and thats what u need.
well you are streched a bit too much. if I were you, here would be my concerns and suggections:
1 - not sure how old are your kids, but if they adore the nephew and look upto him, and these are not the value you want your kids to learn then that would be my no 1 concern.
2- next time he ask you if you need help, then make sure you tell him how tired you are and you would appreciate if he (being old enough) can vacum and take out garbage, and do tell him how frequently he need to do that.
3- around dinner time ask all the kids (if your kids are old enough) to help with table and then putting dishes away etc. kids incluse that nephew too.
4- I don't think a college student should be staying with you guys, I think you guys should help him find some place, and may be allow himto visit you guys weekly/monthly
I hope you are not one of those ppl who just keep smiling and accepting more and more, b/c thats how I used to be until my husband wipped my in shape and literally trained my how to decline or say NO :)
