Re: girls, if
Not fair, why ask girls opinions only? :-)
If they have to live close to the family (joint family system) then don't marry till his parents agree. Even if they live far, away, it is still a better idea to have everyone aboard. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. He may say later, I told you so, Ab Bhugto!
Re: girls, if
What if the girl's parents have a problem then....:(
the guys parents are not agreeing for his marriage with you, will you still insist him to convince his parents? do you think all the effort worth it? i know the power of love can make you to many insane things, but dont you think you have to convince the guy for every single thing for the rest of your life? and in our culture where parents not only guide us but also (99%) protect relationships (e.g. if wife cant his husband of him coming late, then his wife can for sure ask him why is he doing that and stop doing it), do you think its good to marry where except for the guy, no one is willing to accept you. even if they accept you, but are not willing to help you in any way. (may be they will in near future, but only God knows how much time it will take).
ps. its not my story. at least three couples i know facing the situation.
No i wouldnt. If they cant accept me by jus seeing me and see how happy i make their son. Then no i wudnt even waste my time with it.
the guys parents are not agreeing for his marriage with you, will you still insist him to convince his parents? do you think all the effort worth it? i know the power of love can make you to many insane things, but dont you think you have to convince the guy for every single thing for the rest of your life? and in our culture where parents not only guide us but also (99%) protect relationships (e.g. if wife cant his husband of him coming late, then his wife can for sure ask him why is he doing that and stop doing it), do you think its good to marry where except for the guy, no one is willing to accept you. even if they accept you, but are not willing to help you in any way. (may be they will in near future, but only God knows how much time it will take).
ps. its not my story. at least three couples i know facing the situation.
I believe family"s (from the both sides) support and thier willingness is very important, specially in our culture. A Guy thinks that if he will send his parents to the girl's home FORCEFULLY then he thinks that he has fulfilled his responsibility. His parents show LEAST interest in the proposal of his choice through different actions like not contacting to the girl's parents straightly and expecting from the girl's side that she would insist her parents to talk to the guy's parents about the proposal (taakay baat barrhay),and I think girl's parents MUST identify such behaviour and refuse simply, they also should not simply take such proposals seriously.
Re: girls, if
I was in a similar situation abt a year n a half ago. My parents were ok with him and his parents were dead against me becoming a part of their family. He told them that he will only marry me with their consent..if they say no, he will not marry me but that does not mean he will marry anyone they choose for him. After a few months of this drama.. his dad finally gave in and gave me call. His mother was still kinda up tight abt the situation. anywho, few weeks passed and she also kinda gave her approval. We got engaged and its been over a yr since my engagement but I still feel that his family isnt very comfortable with me. I am quiet close to his sister and VERY close to his brother but both his parents r quiet formal with me. I am working very hard and trying my best to win their hearts completely before our marriage. That is one my new yrs resolutions..to build a stronger relationship with my in-laws and iA it will work :).
To answer ur question, yea, I was kinda forcing him to convince his parents. Not because I am an evil woman with a bad character who wants to snatch their son away..but because we were together for 4 yrs before this and we had come a very long way to stop now. We both love each other a lot and knowing that I am sunni and he is shia.. we knew that one day we would have to face this problem and we were kind of ready for it. I was actually shocked my parents weren't so against me marrying a shia guy.
And to those people who r in that boat rite now..hang in there! They r ur parents and they want to see u happy. They will agree...it can take weeks, months and sometimes even years but dont leave just cuz of ur parents disapproval. Remember, its UR life. YOUR the one who is getting married..not ur parents so yea.. Good luck! :)
I believe family"s (from the both sides) support and thier willingness is very important, specially in our culture. A Guy thinks that if he will send his parents to the girl's home FORCEFULLY then he thinks that he has fulfilled his responsibility. His parents show LEAST interest in the proposal of his choice through different actions like not contacting to the girl's parents straightly and expecting from the girl's side that she would insist her parents to talk to the guy's parents about the proposal (taakay baat barrhay),and I think girl's parents MUST identify such behaviour and refuse simply, they also should not simply take such proposals seriously.
what if, the guy is really good. his background is sounding, all his sibs and parents are well off and having great career paths. there is no financial problems. guy is also good looking and is also established. lives abroad, and everyone is his family (i mean khala, chachi, mamoo) is willing to hook their daughter to him.
so do you still think her parents should not risk their daughter's life?
ps. btw i doubt girls parents really give a damn much about guys approval, if the guy's credentials are really really good.
Re: girls, if
Mostly girls parents keep the boy’s career, background and other qualities in their mind while looking for the proposals for their daughters BUT there are many other factors that should also be kept in mind. Like people in our society tolerate when a boy gets married with a girl of his choice but in girls case it has rarely been tolerated in many classes in our social system. What if her in-laws don’t accept her willingly? What if they insult her by torturing her with their words and actions that can directly or indirectly affect her self respect? Insult about your character and self respect should NOT be tolerated no matter how a girl and a boy love and are ready to die for each other. Parents should afraid of such things that can be faced by their daughter in her future. If her self respect gets collapsed then who will see career and well off lifestyle etc? It’s boy’s responsibility to convince his parents and send them “respectfully” so that the parents of the girl would be able to realize that these people want their girl with “honor” and “respect” otherwise I believe there is no any other respectful way of sending proposals.
If someone still wants to get married without their parents approval then they better run away from their homes because jab shadi karni hi hai parents ki merzi ke baghair to bhaag ke kar lo ya zabardasti karwa lo aik hi baat ho jaye gi. Baatain donon ways se sunni parrain gi.
(I know the last paragraph might be offensive for many people but all I wanted to say that if parents see any flaw which is justified then I think respect and honor should be preferred, because life after marriage is entirely different from the attractions and dreams that we see about each other before the marriage)
i suppose thats 1 way of convincing them