I would like to invite all of you to answer a question for me. We have read about your rishta stories and literally about everything however pardon my ignorance if there has been such a topic in the past that I am unaware of, but I had this question in mind.
Let us fast forward time 20+ years from now. You are a mother. You have a daughter. What are the kinds of things you will be looking out for in the rishtas for her. Also if you have a son, what kind of DIL would you want? What are the things you will be looking out for in your honei wali baahu?
Respect is a major thing - for themselves, for their partner, for their parents, their in laws etc
Morals and values
Religion
Someone who is grounded and sensible
From a good family background
those are a few of the things that come to mind, obviously there would be loads more to consider...
For a potential son-in-law: He needs to have his act together. Cannot be reliant on his family too much. Should be able to hold his own, stand on his own two feet. Financially should be independent, or at least if anything, his family needs to be dependent on him not the other way around. He doesn't need to be a 5x namaazi, but has to have respect for his religion at least. Involved at the community level would be nice. Otherwise, not asking for much. Basically, same thing I'm looking for in a guy now.
Potential DIL: Oo, this is a good one. She does not need to live with me. I'd rather she not, actually. She should have a job or a hobby of some sort. None of this sit at home and leech off my son. She needs to be an active member of society. Smart. Educated. I don't care about her past history too much unless there are some serious patterns of concern, like if she is on drugs, or if she drinks alcohol to the point where it is a habbit, that kind of thing. I don't want fetal alcohol syndrome grandkids, because guess who will have to pay for them? ME. Otherwise, I dunno. No other specific requirements. She should just be down to earth and I can carry a conversation with her without getting offended.
Good question, although it really depends on how your kids' personalities are.
for an SIL, I'd want someone that is caring, modest, not arrogant, morally sound, religious, kind-hearted, understanding, loving to my daughter, well educated and on the road to being financially stable.
For a DIL, I'd want someone that is also caring, modest, moral/religious, well educated, but also sensible and not one of those high-maintenance types (they annoy me to no end), not possessive over my son, not dramatic, and cooperative. I wouldn't want her to live with me though. I would also hope my own daughter is all of those things- i.e. i would teach her to not be possessive, dramatic and high-maint.
Trust me dude all these girls who are saying "Oh the aunties are this and that and they are backwards," will do exactly the same thing with their son/daughters/DIL/SIL.
possessiveness is not man made it comes on many acts but yes one have controll over it that is better.....
time is changing over so one have to get change i have a son he is thoughhh very little like 16 months :) i know this sounnds crazy but i always think that his wife will have all rights over him bcoz she will be her ultimate parter when we will be gone...:)
For a potential SIL he must be self-sufficient and be able to stand on his own two feet, he must show that he cares for and respects my daughter and sees her as a partner, he must allow her to work or study if that is what she wants after marriage and he must be willing to live away from his mum + dad (unless she really wants otherwise). I couldn't care less about 'family background', I've seen how different people from the same family can be and how good or decent parents are not necessarily an indicator of how the son or daughter will turn out (or the other way around). I couldn't care less if the boys parents are divorced, seperated or whatever or if his brothers or sisters might have a 'reputation', I'm not interested in gossip or hearsay, all I care about is the boy himself.