I’ve noticed that guys usually run away petrified when their gilrfriend is very dependant on them but they expect and even want it when they’re married to a woman, like they want her to have less independance from him and the family when they have children and such.
But that’s not the point of the thread. I wanted to know how a guy would deal with a girlfriend or a fiancee who he intends to marry if she is ver very dependant on him. Like her life revolves around him; they both love each other. Would your opinion change if you were just dating her or if you were planning to marry her and really loved her?
Dependence is a good thing to an extent. It gives you a feeling of belonging and caring. It also helps a man’s ego in some cases…but things are changing…people prefer a companion for a partner rather than a dependant.
Dependant fine. Clingy never. There is a difference. A major difference. being dependant shows you care and you need the man around. Makes him feel important and that he can do something for the girl. Clingy. End of the relationship. That is just wrong. The zone of no return.
Ironically i was just asked a similar question. Clingy is being with the guy 24/7, and not in a good way. Its like the girl always wants the guy around her. She gives him no free time to be with his mates. Not everything needs to be done together. You need time apart.
An example a friends ex is horribly clingy. She would call him 12 times a day no matter what. If he had an exam and study she would call him and expect him to talk to her. She would call him on a guys night out with us etc. Thats clingy. Giving no space to the other person.
I’ve noticed that men get attracted to strong, independent-minded women easily but once in the relationship these very same qualities tend to turn them off, only God knows why. I knew someone who loved my sense of individuality, my intelligence about various subject matters, and the fact that I have opinions on most everything, but after a few months, he began to label me as a feminist and a man-basher when that is the last thing I would say I am and certainly don’t want to become. It used to hurt me when he would say that but heck I wasn’t about to do a 360 just to please him. Why try to take away my individuality? Can’t say. I think it has to do somewhat with their mentality that they will lose any and all control over you if you begin to display that you have a brain of your own. A bit of dependence (in certain areas) on a man is cute, and shows care and trust in an individual, but certainly men don’t want a doll without any smarts either.
*I've noticed that men get attracted to strong, independent-minded women easily but once in the relationship these very same qualities tend to turn them off, only God knows why. *
You are right in your observation but I am surprised you couldn’t figure out what turns them off. Is there a slightest possibility that some women don’t know how to handle their independence and carry themselves in this male dominated society?
I’m just curious how many independent and intelligent female desi MBA grads like urself are in your circle?
*I think it has to do somewhat with their mentality that they will lose any and all control over you if you begin to display that you have a brain of your own. *
In today’s day and age someone who can appreciate an independent woman is definitely capable of looking beyond control. Would it be right if I say women are making a conscious effort to prove that they have a brain of their own? I think if women are humble about their success more men would start rationalizing and appreciating their individuality & success. You can take my word for it.
What about girls like me planning to do BA's and then get married and be full time mothers and wives? I think the discrimination we had for women who worked is now for housewives.
i can c where u r coming from...but imho u cant generalise...n this is also not a man-woman issue...its more of a human being human being issue
also sarah how do u define dependence? different ppl can be dependent in different ways n it shows in different ways...usually men in our society never exhibit emotions but they r also very very emotionally dependent on their female family members!!! maybe even more than females sometimes.
imho when u love someone, ur parents, siblings, even a pet.. u do get 'emotionally dependent' to some extent, its just natural, n i think it happens to both men and women depending on personality type...our physical n societal roles may be different but imho men and women both provide emotional support to each other in their own ways..
plus caring for someone n having love in your heart for someone, anyone, is a positive emotion, cannot do any harm, theres no limit or moderation in it, and loving someone automatically produces emotional dependence on that person...
life goes on yaar it never stops for anyone, but its only coz u care abt the other person that u become 'emotionally dependent' ..that doesnt mean u control the other person, becoz when u truly care for someone their happiness matters...n like someone in the thread said, give ppl time of their own...ideally u might want that person to be with u all the time but part of love is sacrifice, so if it makes them happy let them do what they want too...kinda like how parents send their kids abroad for education...
emotional dependence is just that her or his words and actions affect u too much and u always have that person in ur mind n heart n always want to know all about what they have been upto and having that person around makes u feel happy and complete...ur treatment of the person shudnt be controlling or bossy..n as long as it isnt i think no need to worry, if the other person is a good human being she or he will appreciate ur care and hopefully reciprocate it too... :)
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*Originally posted by Sarah Splendor: *
What about girls like me planning to do BA's and then get married and be full time mothers and wives? I think the discrimination we had for women who worked is now for housewives.
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who is discriminating against housewives in this forum?
Well said Sweetpie and Boss. Both men and women becoming overly independent most often then not comes off as highly arrogant and selffish. Perhaps people see someone from afar and like their independence but are later detracted by the arrogance that might come along with, hence its essential to balance the two.
Men (and women) in this day and age are highly appreciative of the independent people but not necessarily at the expense of arrogance.
^I agree but Boss and Hmcq, who is saying anything about being arrogant? What about those of us who do think independently “outside the box,” have goals, hopes, and dreams, and are doing everything in our power to make those goals a reality mind you, especially considering that perhaps in our own ways, we want to prove to ourselves and our families that women can be just as successful, intelligent, and motivated as men. I agree that arrogance is a turnoff but consider telling men what your goals and expectations of yourself are and the things you desire once you do become successful. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with that because you are communicating your desires and hopes to that individual. It is said that communication is key in a relationships so then why should women hold in their thoughts if they are in a fairly comfortable relationship?
Boss: “I’m just curious how many independent and intelligent female desi MBA grads like urself are in your circle?” Out of curiosity, what is the significance of this question?
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*Originally posted by Sarah Splendor: *
What about girls like me planning to do BA's and then get married and be full time mothers and wives? I think the discrimination we had for women who worked is now for housewives.
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What!!! :) Well, there are lots of guys out there who would respect your stance on life...don't let others dictate your life.
Having said all that, I thought you were the next Christian Amanpour ;)
*
You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the Dancing Queen
*
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Sarah Splendor: *
What about girls like me planning to do BA's and then get married and be full time mothers and wives? I think the discrimination we had for women who worked is now for housewives.
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It depends upon your circumstances.. and how you take things.
thats one good thing you can do for yourself 
