i love my girl alot. we have been together for 5 years. she recently move to canada. while i moved to pakistan. now she wants me to move to canada so we can get married. but i have a dad who just had heart surgery recently. so i cant leave him nor does he want to move to canada.
my question: when a girl makes you choose between your family and her, is it worth it? shouldnt she be on the same team as my family?
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
If its an issue of choice I am not sure if the girl is thinking it through or is just being stubborn to see if you cave. Family is important. Your parents are important and if you have been together for 5 years she should understand that your father is sick and you have to stay at home to do your duty and help with the family. Explain it to her and if she insists that you have to leave your parents and marry her. Well then I don't envy you at all.
That would be a tough position to be in and I would not know how to handle it. But it would show that she cares less for your parents and your fears than you thought.
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
I know the tough situation you are going from, But your first responsibilty is your parents than any other thing specially in such a weak condition of your father.
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
If she is making you choose between ur family and her its not worth it.
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
tell her to take a jog......dump her.
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
Take care of your father.... baqi sab kuch mil jaye ga magar baap nahin....!!!!
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
I agree..as a guy you need to make some tough decisions. You need to take care of your father. And being with you for 5 yrs she should have been understanding. Khair...your parents need you at this time..and Allah will give you ajr for this. As far as her..tell her to wait..and if not then..well not lots of long distance relationship work anyway.
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
if she loved you she wouldn't make you choose between your family and your rel... if she loved you she would care about your father herself even if she has never met him,and she would say 'ohh listen you have to stay with you dad cause he really needs you, you're his son, you have to be by your parents side no matter what' .. and if she was serious in marrying you cause she loved you she would say 'listen,i can stay in pakistan for you after we get married, until your dad gets better and when everything is fine, we will move to canada' .. she would sacrifice for her love,if it was true love. Be a good son, your parents have made you into what you are today, finding some girl and leaving your parents for her, its not right, and very sad!! please don't mind, but if something happened to you dad God forbid, would you be happy with the marriage? lets be honest, would you not blame her for snatching you away from you family? Don't swap your family,especially your parents with anything at all!! Tell her that you want her to stay with you in pakistan until your dad is better at least, this will prove if she loves you really or not!! :) if she says no then dump her,if she accepts it then always hold on to her and make sure you give her all the happiness for staying in pakistan to make things easier for you!! hope it makes sense :)
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
another thing, if you leave your dad and move to canada for her right now, she is very selfish and will make you leave a lot more for her,and she will not do anything in return. if you give her the feeling you value her more than you parents, this will never be a successful marriage anyway cause she will not understand your value!! if you leave you family behind and go after that girl,this will show that you will even leave her once your married for few years and the fights start etc. if one doesnt know their parents value, they wont know the value of anything at all!!
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
Absolutely take care of your father. That's your responsibility.
Ask the girl if she'll move to Pakistan after marriage. Make separate living arrangements for her. Every girl expects and deserves to live in her own place with the husband after marriage. Don't put her in the "joint" house with your parents and other siblings. Don't expect her to do "khidmat" of your parents and everyone in the household. It's neither her duty nor her responsibility.
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
Is marriage really necessary at this point or can you wait a few more years until your father's health improves InshaAllah and you can reach some agreement about this situation?
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
I disagree with the notion that you have to choose. Its not an issue of family vs the girlfriend. This is not street fighter. You love her and you love your family. That is obvious. She has valid concerns as well as she wants to be with you, wants to start a new life and the distance is most likely killing her. Long distance is not easy but it is doable and it makes it all the more worthwhile when you are finally together. So I would suggest you speak with her explain your situation and discuss the matter with her as an equal. Your family is going to be her family at some stage and in that regard she needs to be part of the decision making process.
At the same time you need to communicate clearly and honestly. Women from my very basic understanding of them wish to be treated as people who are our equal and need to have their voices heard. So talk to her, explain your situation, inform her you are happy to marry her and do what needs to be done and that it will take time and you have commitments to multiple people. If she truly loves you (and being together for 5 years I believe she does) she will understand and you guys can compromise.
One should not just dump someone you care about because of some hardship or a disagreement. Life, marriage and relationships are built upon trust, compromise and honesty. So if she doesn't agree talk to her again and again and again. But dumping her is not an option. Neither is taking a decision on your own. If you are a couple start acting like it and discuss things together.
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
I disagree with the notion that you have to choose. Its not an issue of family vs the girlfriend. This is not street fighter. You love her and you love your family. That is obvious. She has valid concerns as well as she wants to be with you, wants to start a new life and the distance is most likely killing her. Long distance is not easy but it is doable and it makes it all the more worthwhile when you are finally together. So I would suggest you speak with her explain your situation and discuss the matter with her as an equal. Your family is going to be her family at some stage and in that regard she needs to be part of the decision making process.
At the same time you need to communicate clearly and honestly. Women from my very basic understanding of them wish to be treated as people who are our equal and need to have their voices heard. So talk to her, explain your situation, inform her you are happy to marry her and do what needs to be done and that it will take time and you have commitments to multiple people. If she truly loves you (and being together for 5 years I believe she does) she will understand and you guys can compromise.
One should not just dump someone you care about because of some hardship or a disagreement. Life, marriage and relationships are built upon trust, compromise and honesty. So if she doesn't agree talk to her again and again and again. But dumping her is not an option. Neither is taking a decision on your own. If you are a couple start acting like it and discuss things together.
If a girl makes the guy choose between his family and herself, this is not only disagreement but being selfish!! cause no one has the right to value themselves more than the other persons parents!! if this is the case and she dosent agree, then no, tough luck there seems to be no other option but tell her to choose between waiting for you or living a life in canada without you!
Re: girlfriend vs. family: worth it?
Life is not that black and white nor is it drastic. Its a hue of greys where compromise is the key. The gentleman's wording may imply that he believes she wants him to choose while she may be simply stating her desire to marry as quickly as possible. Its a one sided story and think of it this way. If she has waited 5 years to marry her and she is committed to the marriage I highly doubt she would be this shrill and demanding.