Hey everyone!
I hope you all are having an awesome spring. I wanted to discuss this issue here to get some neutral point of views. As this is regarding my friend?s situation I might totally have a biased opinion.
So my best friend is dating this guy for about 3 years and they are planning on getting married soon. The guys family lives in Pakistan and he recently got his permanent resident card so he went back home after about 6 years. My friend sent a gift to her soon to be mother in law and none of us ever expected the kind of reaction she had to it. She apperantly got really offended and hyped up the situation where she told her son that it was not appropriate to send a gift like that and she was really hurt. Hurt? What? How can a gift hurt someone? The guy really did not go into detail about it but this is all he had to say. Not only her but all of us are confused as to what was wrong in that? Is it wrong for a girl to gift her future mother in law? The guys family is about to come for the rishta right after they graduate this year and the mother in law is at it? I know it?s not probably all that serious but my friend is really hurt and wants an explanation but her boyfriend really does not want to talk about it and nor does she want to bring it up over and over again.
According to my friend, her mother in law is a sweet lady. She talked to her about 5 times in these past 3 years over the phone and she seemed a really nice good hearted woman. She does believe that her sister in law is a bit strange because she added my friend on all her social media accounts buy never really talks to her. My friend tried initiating a conversation a few times but she never really seemed instrested in keeping the conversation going so my friend just stopped trying. My friend genuinely thinks the mother in law is not bad at all but is still really upset about it.
I would really like to see what all of you have to say on this, thank you.
if the guy’s family has not even asked for girl’s rishta then they can not be termed as in laws and May be the guy’s mother see the gift as form of show off? Only this could be the reason to get hurt otherwise i don’t see a point.
When you go the family route, there are some customes & traditions to be followed. After moving to pakistan, learned some many customs that are supposed to take place when two people marry in Pakistan which I didn’t know before. Some of them I liked but some only complicate already stressful preparation & some are neither beneficial nor bad but can be done without. And yes, since they have not officially asked her hand it must be definitely against some local tradition for the female marriage prospect to send her MIL a gift. Maybe her mother should have sent, not herself. That may have offended her. People living overseas are mostly too broadminded & not knowing the traditions may not think of minor things such as this as so important. Many times, they prioritize convenience over traditions especially now because life has become so fast. To avoid causing any unintended offense in future, it would be better for your friend to get some understanding of their family traditions and follow as they would like.
The guy most probably didn’t know himself & probably is embarrassed to tell her the family custom which, most likely; has to do with the girl’s mother sending her the gift, not the girl herself. But I could be wrong. That guy would be the best person to ask.
Have his family spoke about rishta to her family even on phone? or they have had any contact over phone between families?
If not, then it can be seen inappropriate.
Perhaps the mil was expecting a much bigger gift than what was sent from the future dil, therefore making a fuss. Otherwise I don’t see a reason to be offended.
If the gift was given before rishta was made official between both parties, perhaps MIL thought your friend was being too hasty or eager (equivalent of shameless)?
What did friend gift the MIL? Something scandalous like lingerie? Or insulting like weight loss pills? Not once have you mentioned what exactly the gift was, Foodie. Perhaps MIL didn’t like the gift or thought it fell short in some way.
How does MIL feel about the rishta? I have seen that when a guy’s family approves of a girl, they will accept her with even the biggest faults and deficiencies. And if they don’t like her, they will reject her for even the most trivial reasons and make a mountain of that molehill. Maybe this is MIL’s way of just picking at things?
Tell your friend to maintain cordial interactions with her potential MIL and hopefully this rishta will go through if it’s good for her. In the future she can maybe seek her boyfriend’s opinion about any gifts she wants to give his family members as he knows them better than her.
Dare I say that the best gift for a soon to be in law is