Re: Gift Exchanges and Dowry
So hopefully the “heaviness” of the earrings and necklace made up for the missing ring. If they had been halke phulke, it would be a much bigger sin. Of course the heaviness of a set does not necessarily mean your in-laws will be that much in love with you. Sometimes it’s an inversely proportional equation where the heavier the gold set, the less the in-laws will respect you. And how much joy can a woman really feel wearing a gift given by people whom she knows don’t even like her? How much fun would it be to wear it? If it isn’t…then why get so worked up about it now when it’s over and done with? You’re not going to wear the gold sets gifted to you by in-laws and your parents that often in your life. Just to major functions, not to work or to bed. All the while, they will collect zakaat that will have to be paid yearly by your husband (if that has even occurred to him or you). So maybe there is sort of a silver lining to the artificial teeka…that your forehead will rarely see…or the artificial nose ring…that you will never wear again especially if it’s that big hoop one. No guest or friend will closely examine your jewelry and ask “Kya yeh sonay ka hai ya arteefeeshul hai?” You may not be able to sell the fake stuff, but at least you won’t pay a yearly price on it either. And your husband could have gotten you the ring, at least the ring from his own earnings as HIS gift to you, if his parents didn’t care to cuz after all it was his love marriage. Why not get mad at the husband and only fume at his parents? Although now with a baby on the way it’s pointless and hopefully you’re wearing that coveted ring. It’s not just the dowry expectation itself that is un-Islamic. Even the expectation of a ring and other rasams that we are attached to have no place in Islam either. It’s easier to point out others’ mistakes and not see our own. If you don’t do the asking but engage in the giving, you’re still part of the problem even if it’s done as a safety precaution to maintain respect of in-laws, which many times the bahu still doesn’t get.