Kabhee dukh tum ko kiya nahee hota ho ga?
Mey iss ko kaisey maan loon?
Subha noor ho, ya khekasahn a jaeye
Soorej ko mey ney bhula diya hey
Yeye kaisa yaad ka pinjra hey, tumhara
Mey azaad hoon, aur tum meira pur-sakoon
ashiyan nahee
Adhoori baat ki thee tum ney, adhoori hei hey,
Aur chul diyeye, rasta batayeye baghaire…
Afsos, mey tumhari khood ko semjhee howee
gemgeen si heye saari purwaee…
Ba-ronuk sanateye ka carvaan, dekho,
Tum kyoon liyeye ho akailey
Ruk jao…adhi raat hi tow hey
Kaee hawaloon, dilasoon, aur num ansoonoon sey poch lo
Koe mushkil mhesos itni nahee ho gi ubb…
Tum jo mujh per ho beeteye!
I had to read this peice over and over to make sense - it does make sense... But some of the phrases are just very abrupt, lack of flow, thought is not consistent and requires a little brushing up! Carry on - I admire the thought behind but keep in mind that structure does matter in writing poetry!
As *fara * said, parrhney meiN kuch dushwari ho rahi hey. But keep it up as this is the only way to improve. We appreiciate your sharing anyway. Thanx :)