Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
She was born and raised abroad, the guy was pure paki. She never said anything cauz she feared ppl will point fingers at her that she has to much attitude and stuff and isn't really trying to adjust with the guy. You know the typical desi thinking about the girls raised abroad...
Though it is very sad and painful.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
See this is wat i hate about that idea…
God help me 
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
threads here get to be so depressing.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
plus if you have problems with your cousin spouce and you want to divorce him/her, the whole family gets to your throat, because one of the parents of your spouce is the sister/brother of one your parents…
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
[quote=“Sadiyah”]
sadya, I wouldn’t be putting down the western trend/culture. It’s better to get divorced rather than forcing yourself to live through a bad marriage that is not likely to workout. You could know someone for years, but it isn’t the same when you’re married. It’s always good to know the person you’re getting married to in advance, but that isn’t always a gurantee that all will go well afterwards and if things are bound to go bad, then you might as well separate than further ruin each others’ lives.
QUOTE]
Actually that’s not what I meant, of course one should get a divorce rather than live in hell until onces death. But a lot westerners seem to get married and divorced quite easily nowadays, it goes too fast and without even trying to make the marriage work, people divorce too quickly.
Ok, if the husband is abusing, what’s the point of trying to make it work, guys like that never change even if you leave and come back a zillion times, in such cases one should divorce immediately.
But in other cases with other problems, people here just divorce too quickly, they are out of love, they divorce, I’ve seen this with some friends, the only reason for their divorce would be that ‘the love is gone, I want fire’ kind of stuff.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
I am sorry Lusi, I still cannot digest 14 years of sufferings. You all living abroad have changed personalities compared to a PURE Paki. I don’t think you will give any chance to your respective spouse (God forbid), if such a thing happens for more than a few months.
It appears there is another side of the story as well (atleast to me).
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
WitchDr, some people are weak. I'm not surprised she stayed with him for 14 years. Some ladies in abusive relationships have already posted their stories here, and look how long they were with their husbands before they decided to call it quits.
Women aren't like men. They're more forgiving and they believe in second chances. Even if those second chances are repetitively given over a series of 14 years. That I think would be perfectly explainable due to the fact she's a girl, due to the fact that our society can be really harsh on divorced women, due to the fact that she's god kids and maybe relying on him financially, due to the fact that her parents and his parents may have been pressuring her not to leave the marriage, and due to the fact that she might be secretly wishing and hoping every day that he'll realize his mistakes and turn over a new leaf.
Its a cursed trait we girls have, this hope that things will get better.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
Ok! If I believe you, then tell me how all of a sudden after 14 years of suffering, she got the courage to rise up. All the stigmas associated with a divorce are even more stronger later in a marriage. People still tend to forgive a girl who gets divorced quickly after marriage. Where were the parents of that girl? Was she living in US along with her family? Was she a step-daughter? Why were the parents so cruel towards her? Nobody observed her plight?
These days parents are not that cruel. Especially, mother these days don't mind that their daughters get a divorce in an abusive or ill-matched marriages.
If she still did what you are saying, then there is no one else to blame then herself. She had grown up in US not in a village in interior Sindh.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
[quote=“WitchDr”]
People still tend to forgive a girl who gets divorced quickly after marriage.
QUOTE]
No they don’t!
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
I disagree with this as well. Girls have a negative outlook on things (mostly correct). They might like the things to get better, but because they think that it is not their fault that the things are the way they are, they don’t do anything to make them right. Hoping is not enough.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
[quote=“sadya”]
Yes! They do. All fingers are not equal.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
That’s what they are thaught in our culture, aren’t they?
"A good girl is quiet, never opens her mouth. "
“A good girl does lots of sabr no matter what. "
“She never opens her mouth about her family, not even to talk about problems.”
“If a good girl, naiq larki holds on, Allah will make things better for her. "
" All marriages are like that, this is life.”
" Your own happiness doesn’t count anymore, if you really love your children, you won’t divorce and stay for their sake.”
bla bla bla
I admire girls/women who stand up for themselves, given that they are not doing that in a wrong way and given they stand up because they are denied their rights. Today in 2005 it’s still not easy to do. But guys will never understand that. They have no idea how privileged they are to be male and not female.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
You must be joking! Who teaches girls these days?
I admire females, as well, who stand up to their rights and do something about it, instead of crying silently in the night.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
WitchDr, so what is your stance? You seem to be calling women as those who do not put any efforts into making a bad marriage workout and at the same time you admire the females who stand up for themselves?
If a wife stands up for herself, would she not be getting out a bad marriage? If she does get out, it would give you an impression that she is bad and never tried to work things out, and if she stays you don't want her to be crying to sort of vent in that manner.
I'm sorry, but you've totally lost me. Perhaps you need to interact with more females to realize they do play an important role in trying to make the marriage workout.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
discussing dramas now lol .. yall grown better than that 
beter not tell me geo and ary dramas represent our social probs .. coz that xcuse is for gimmicks .. yall understand that . no ?
oh and 14 is a magic # .. samjha ker na 
lol
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
Please don’t mix and match on your own accord. 
Realizing after 14 years of marriage that it is not going anywhere is plain stupidity. It was not a bad marriage. It was a crime against her by her family and friends.
Making marriage work is a completely different issue. I don’t want girls to put up with their abusive, criminal, or special husbands married to them out of their consent.
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
Thanks for the clarification. :k:
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
PEACE
Re: Getting tricked into marrying mentally ill men
Hmm...witchdr, I think its easy for you to say a lot of these things - you take the idealist stance - and the world is not ideal.
Every situation has its set of circumstances, and its quite difficult to chastise every girl who didn't get out of a bad situation early. Plus, this 14-year gig that she did - whoever this girl is - we don't know of her situation in detail. So no sense in debating about a topic we're not too informed of. All I'm saying is that there is probably way more to the picture, and way more going on in that girls' mind than at least what you males could possibly imagine.
Its true - even today, men don't know how lucky they have it - being pampered and brought up the way they are. MANY girls when raised, are raised to not be brave and be cowards, being told that this is the way virtuous pakistani muslim women should be.
And when that's drilled into your head since you're a child, its hard to come out of the mode of thinking. I speak from being a female who hasn't had it drilled into her head, and who's friends unfortunately do think this way (many of them).
I agree hoping is not enough, and girls should be more brave. And I agree that its their fault if they're not brave enough to pull out of a nasty situation. If it were me, I probably would not have gotten married to a clearly mentally ill person in the first place, since I would never marry someone who I haven't spoken to many many many times prior to even the engagement. Not to mention that I would try my utter best to meet every hoo-haa in his family, and every friend he's had. And he's welcome to vice versa.
But not every family thinks this way. Plus, many mental illnesses aren't apparent right away - you'd have to really try to get to know someone to see the real side. I've met some mental pple who can easily fool anyone into thinking they're normal. So its a hard situation, and pple will fall into traps. But yes, if a girl doens't have enough courage to pull out right away, she is definitely partly to blame.
But I still feel our culture is the real culprit.