How do you do that? No matter how much hard times you’ve gone through whenever you’re trying to quit or separate you only remember the good times, the sweet words, and that hurts a lot.
I just don’t know what to do. When I finally decided to leave, and talked to my parents about it, I felt really light as if a huge burden had lifted off my head. I was totally relaxed and even happy inside. But just two days forward, and I’m feeling so sad and lonely. One moment I want to get into a new relationship immediately so that I can get over the loneliness, next moment I don’t want to get into another relationship ever again. I’ve had a trouble with relationships in the past too, have been cheated on several times. I had a hard time trusting him…and now its hard to believe that the person who seemed so sincere to me had such evil plans in his mind!
I wanted my parents to go and end it immediately but they say they want to think it and take some time, they don’t want to make a hasty decision. That’s making me kind of upset and afraid too, of how he would behave.
Writing things down may help. The good and the bad and then read em back to yourself and hopefully you realise that the bad far outweigh the good and that you did the right thing. Then you force yourself to do things to help you move forward like nothing to do with getting into another relationship but getting into a hobby or going out and socialising and doing all the things you could not do whilst you were with him. learn to start being happy with yourself. Best of luck
Why do you need to know the details. She mentioned that she was in abusive relationship and your interest to know the details of the abuse is amusing to say the least.
If getting out of relationships was that easy - people would do it all the time. The truth is, it isn't easy - even when you have perfectly legitimate reasons to leave. It STILL isn't easy. You have moments of panic, loneliness and desperation. You may even think its easier to stay in a bad relationship because you don't have to answer questions, rock the boat, go against the grain and do things people don't like or find uncomfortable to deal with. Like many have mentioned - make a pro-con list and read it to yourself every single time it happens. Remind yourself why you're taking the steps you are so you don't end up in the same place again. As for the future...well...Allah swt is there for that.
I'm engaged. I was actually getting warning signs since 5-6 months and so I was trying to put a distance already. In fact in the last 2-3 months I had taken back up on all the hobbies and activities that I had dropped because of him. But now I don't feel like doing anything. I have two students coming for tuition and I'm getting so cranky and never in a mood to teach them either. I just go through it as a routine/obligation and their performance is dropping too. Haven't updated my blog since so many days either. I used to write a diary but I don't feel like writing either. I'm trying to pull myself out of it but I feel stuck :( maybe I really should write a pro and cons list.
On top of everything my mother is leaving for a month of two, and no matter how much I don't want to pull this relationship for the next two months she just doesn't want to end things up in a hurry. As for me I don't think this is a hasty decision. I have been thinking and observing since a long time, there is nothing right in this relationship at all. I had even posted a thread here 3-4 months back, I've already taken the time to decide.
I'm engaged. I was actually getting warning signs since 5-6 months and so I was trying to put a distance already. In fact in the last 2-3 months I had taken back up on all the hobbies and activities that I had dropped because of him. But now I don't feel like doing anything. I have two students coming for tuition and I'm getting so cranky and never in a mood to teach them either. I just go through it as a routine/obligation and their performance is dropping too. Haven't updated my blog since so many days either. I used to write a diary but I don't feel like writing either. I'm trying to pull myself out of it but I feel stuck :( maybe I really should write a pro and cons list.
On top of everything my mother is leaving for a month of two, and no matter how much I don't want to pull this relationship for the next two months she just doesn't want to end things up in a hurry. As for me I don't think this is a hasty decision. I have been thinking and observing since a long time, there is nothing right in this relationship at all. I had even posted a thread here 3-4 months back, I've already taken the time to decide.
So why not just cut off all contact with him for those two months. Then officially end it once she gets back.
Why do you think you have to pull this relationship for 2 more months? You have already told your parents that you don’t want to marry this man. Let them take their own sweet time in doing whatever it is they want to do. In the meantime, YOU need to stop ALL communication with this man. Do not answer his phone calls, do not respond back to his text messages, block him from all IM’s/FB etc.
You’re engaged…not married. You have every right to end an engagement if you feel that the other person is not “the one” for you. You don’t need anyone’s permission/approval for it. Learn to fight for your own future and stand up for yourself. You said you have time taken the last few months to come to this decision…well, now comes the hard part. Stick to your decision and don’t let others persuade/bully you into a life long committment that you feel is not right for you.
That’s what I’m doing but the label of this engagement is still on me, and when everyone keeps asking me when are you getting married I dont know what to answer. Or when I have to face my in-laws, what am I supposed to do. For the time being he is not contacting me, we had a huge fight and we told each other it’s over. But we did that almost every time we fought, so maybe he’s just expecting that I’ll apologize just like every time.
I’m afraid I myself might give in, like Reha said its hard to quit just because its uncomfortable
If getting out of relationships was that easy - people would do it all the time. The truth is, it isn't easy - even when you have perfectly legitimate reasons to leave. It STILL isn't easy. You have moments of panic, loneliness and desperation. You may even think its easier to stay in a bad relationship because you don't have to answer questions, rock the boat, go against the grain and do things people don't like or find uncomfortable to deal with. Like many have mentioned - make a pro-con list and read it to yourself every single time it happens. Remind yourself why you're taking the steps you are so you don't end up in the same place again. As for the future...well...Allah swt is there for that.
This..and OP..you'll move on insha'Allah and be fine. May Allah make it easier for ya.
I guess desi parents dont really understand the concept of abusive in its complete sense
It's an engagement so the relationship has a different dynamic to a marriage.
If the relationship is abusive now you don't really have much to go on to continue it to the next level.
Your parents may feel sad, upset and seem like their world is ending but the truth is you stand to lose less now than if the relationship carries on and God forbid gets to the Nikkah stage.
You have already told your parents that you don’t want to marry this man. Let them take their own sweet time in doing whatever it is they want to do. In the meantime, YOU need to stop ALL communication with this man. Do not answer his phone calls, do not respond back to his text messages, block him from all IM’s/FB etc.