i got your point. i somehow find this view very superficial. i mean a girl is considered fit to get married if she is able to run the house? for me it is if she is capable of managing her relationship, can deal with the complexities of the relationship, is well aware of her emotional needs and able to comprehend and respond to the emotional needs of the man, she is all good to go ahead and get married.
a house on the other hand, can be and should be run by all the people living in the house and and it shouldn't be expected that a girl runs it all by herself whether she is 18 or 30.
If you really think, an 18 year old, can get married then upto you. I find it absurd. She's a child.
18 is too early.. I am a student myself and have examples in my class, the girls who got married during their studies and how they're going crazy to strike the balance between their married life and academic commitments now.. Aik tou 18 saal bht choti umar hai for shaadi and if she's planning to continue her studies too after marriage then "GOODLUCK" :) Ho sab kuch jata hai manage but bechari larki ghan chakkar ban jati hai!!
At the end of the day, no one else except you can decide and feel out when you want to get married. A bunch of strangers who don’t know you personally will never be able to give you the right answer. Their views will be subjective and based on their own experiences and what they’ve seen around them. There will always be people who have something negative to say about whatever you do. If you wait, they will probably ask why you’re waiting. If you get married and don’t have a child right away, they will ask why. If you go for a professional degree, they will say iski kya zarorat thi ab or agar parhna tha toh shaadi kyun ki. It would be amazing if desi folks stopped treating marriage as either a curse or cure to their problems, because it is neither.
^No, because a 15/16 year is not legally considered an adult in many countries whereas an 18 year old is.
The given situation which the thread starter gave is about an 18 year old girl, ready to go of for university. Keeping that in mind and a few other factors (who she is marrying, why, future etc etc) I think it is perfectly fine to get married at 18. In my world 18 is not a bachi anymore.
I honestly don't see any positives to getting married in your teens. My mom got married at age 18, and to this day still feels resentful towards her parents for not telling her otherwise. She too finished college after marriage. My dad's side of the family was pretty reasonable and she did not have any in-laws issues as such, she had maids to help her, and her own parents and siblings lived in the same city. STILL it was anything but easy. She could never really focus on academics or even her hobbies. There were always conflicting priorities (guests, family functions, health issues of other family members) and the stress that comes with handling so many new relationships. Studying after marriage is very very different from living with your parents. You cannot lock yourself away in a room. You will HAVE to help out in the kitchen, talk to guests, do groceries, and there will probably be no one to offer you a cup of tea when you're exhausted.
Remember being married is something you'll get to enjoy for the rest of your life. But these years in college with friends and the time you spend with your parents will never come back.
My friend had her nikah the day she turned 18. Rukhsakti less than 6 mth later. Her mom told me that a "good" rishta came so no reason to say no. My friend hadn't even started with her A levels. Had just done O levels. But mA she is happy now and with a kid.
Was your friend able to further her education after the marriage?
I have a cousin who got married at 17 to a 27 year old. He was a doctor, needed a greencard. The girl is now 32, just got her GED (she droped out of highschool) and is now going to take like 1 or 2 classes at a time at a local college. However, she was able to handle everything. She has a pretty good homelife.
I know a girl who is 30. She tells me its hard, working full time, and running a household, and listening to his Dukia nussi. Had he come here a year earlier, she says she would not have been able to handle it. As he is really mean, and tries to dominate her.
Everyone is different, if this girl's husband is ok with her, coming home, and studing, doing homework. Or he is cooperative, and during finals week, he is willing to help out in the house. then ok go for it. I will say this, go part time instead of a full time student. Better to take an extra year to graduate then to have a hectic schedule for 4 years. Also keep in mind, is the girl able to tolerate being married? I mean its not easy to juggle so many things. Family politics come to play as well. How is her husband, is he open minded?
If this is really a great rista, and she is mature enough to handle being married, and is pretty certain she can do it. I say go ahead, but keep inmind, once ur married, Marrage is ur first priority. School is ur second. It wont be like when ur at home, and ur just studying doing homework, and ur parents and brothers are supportive. If her mil is sick, she is going to have to give her time, (even if she is in Pakistan, she will have to sit and call her for 2 hours) regardless if its finals week.
My friend had her nikah the day she turned 18. Rukhsakti less than 6 mth later. Her mom told me that a "good" rishta came so no reason to say no. My friend hadn't even started with her A levels. Had just done O levels. But mA she is happy now and with a kid.
Was your friend able to further her education after the marriage?
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She just started community college after taking some high sch (I think 11th-12th grade) courses. She completed a semester in CC, but took a sem off as she had to make the mandatory Pakistan trip this Nov-Dec!
How many of you have been through a rigorous 4 yr college program? How many have been through graduate school. Or what about professional vocational type schools ?
We all know the hard work and time involved.
I did college - slept 5 hrs avg per night, some nights 3 hrs, crashing on weekends. I went to class. Volunteered. Was in charge of a few projects and lead many committees in my spare time. Because of that I came up with a resume that in today's competitive market is AVERAGE!!! If I applied to grad school today, I would not make it. Competition has gotten way worse!
Some mention - taking time to deal with a sick MIL, spending 2 hrs talking to your MIL with a cold in Pakistan?? Moving to Pakistan to "adjust to family lifestyle"?? (I think that's another thread)
Let's do the math. I spent 3-5 hrs per night weekdays sleeping, on weekends luxury of 5-7 hrs. Outside my studying, exams, projects, meetings, volunteering, traveling between two campuses, driving in a busy city... I definitely took an hour each day at dinner but often would read books for class at lunch.
So with what hours would I fit in family dawats, fussy MIL's, SIL wanting to go shopping, nieces and nephews to whom I'd be dulhan Aunty...
Call me crazy but in this scenario, if I got married, I would have zero time for the guy's family, heck I'm not sure id have time to have relations with my husband!
It strikes me funny that those advocating for young marriages are often old and unmarried themselves running away from commitment and certainly not marrying young girls let alone desi girls.
Even those who are in 30's and 40's are not "mature enough to get married" so why criticize an 18 year old?
These so called "mature" people get so wrapped up in themselves (become used to live in a cocoon) that they cannot accept the same qualities AFTER marriage they ''adored BEFORE marriage. :D
I have written before that Maturity and Age do not have linear relationship.
As to the question why an 18 year old cannot wait and why she has to marry at 18, is being judgmental.
Nah, after reading your reply I admit me saying maturity comes with age was wrong. I dont need to use google, seems like your Youtube prowess beats me hands down there.
Nah, after reading your reply I admit me saying maturity comes with age was wrong. I dont need to use google, seems like your Youtube prowess beats me hands down there.
