Re: getting married to a pakistani- need help w wedding ceremony re: islamic wedding
Hello!
I just wanted to say that I don’t know if you’re getting married in Pakistan but if you are, please ensure that the Nikah [Marriage Contract Form] is in English so that you can read and understand it. This is very important, you wouldn’t sign any other contract in your life without reading it. You can read a translated version of a Nikah Form over here: http://www.docstoc.com/docs/38286694/Nikkah-Nama-Form-Tamplates
Also, wanted to clarify some points in the Nikah form:
Number 5 sounds very rude. But they don’t actually ask you if you’re a virgin. They just want to ascertain your marital status: a better translation would be “never married, widow or divorced”.
Number 7 is not a legal attorney but someone called a “Wali” This is basically a Muslim Adult Male who acts like an intercessor. So for example, instead of the Imam asking you for your agreement to the wedding, the Wali will ask you on his behalf and then take your answer to him on your behalf. The Wali will ask you three times if you agree to the marriage and make you sign on three different copies of the Nikah Nama. One for the government records, one for the Imam and one for the married couple.
Number 8 - Generally, the signing of the Nikah contract only needs the Bride, Groom, Imam and 2 witnesses [Number 11] but IF you choose to have a Wali or intercessor, there will need to be two more witnesses to vouch for the Wali’s integrity in carrying out his duty.
Number 13 - Mahr is an Islamic tradition that has been carried down from the time of the Prophet (PBUH). It is basically a gift from the groom to the bride and is unequivocally hers and not theirs to share unless she chooses so. The Mahr can basically be anything that the married couple agree on. So for example, a silver ring or a car or a house or a predetermined cash value. Do think about what you want carefully and discuss this with your husband. And make sure that you make the decision about what you want as your Mahr, it is your right to agree to the value, not your family’s.
Number 14 and Number 15 - Now for example, your husband has just graduated and started a new job so he is probably not earning a lot. So in this case, he doesn’t need to pay all or part of the Mahr due to you upfront. He can give you a little or none and promise to pay the remainder later. By mentioning this in the Nikah Nama, they are just formalising this gift that Allah has arranged for you.
Number 17 - Again, a part of the Nikah form that is often left blank. Over here you can make any conditions and if he agrees to it and signs, then they become legally binding. So, for example, you may write that the bridegroom is not allowed to take a second wife without informing you and asking your permission beforehand. InshaAllah, the situation will never arise, but if it does, then you have a legal right to challenge him in court because he went against the signed contract.
Number 18 - This is also something you must discuss with your husband-to-be before. Will you want the right to divorce him if he marries another woman, starts drinking, et cetera.
Number 19 - The husband has more right to divorce than the woman in Islam so you can mention any conditions against his right to divorce over here.
Number 20 - Over here you can mention for example that if you’re not working and running the house [or if you’re working and running the house], your husband has to support you for the comfort you provide. So you can specify, that you expect 5% of his salary as your personal allowance. Always better to specify a percentage than a fixed amount.
I’m sorry. I know I come across as mercenary in this post. But it is important that in the cultural celebrations of the marriage, the women do NOT forget the legal rights that Islam gives them to protect them.
