I’d like to think that I’m generally an even-tempered individual - it takes a lot to rile and upset me. No doubt, certain situations and the malicious conduct of others will anger me, but 9 times out of 10, while I may cuss in my mind, wish ill on the person for a little while, ultimately, I take a deep breath and try to move on. I rationalize the other person’s conduct by saying, Allah to dekh raha hai, aur saza aur jaza ka faisla karney waala to woh hai. I will forgive, but I won’t forget and will be more cautious in future dealings with the individual.
But in that 1 time out of 10, when I can’t control my anger, I find that my response is vicious. They say that words cut much deeper than swords and that’s me. My verbal retaliation knows no bounds - I don’t leave anything off the table and will bring back issues from years in the past. Sure, what I say is true, but it bothers me that I hurt someone, regardless of what they’ve done to me.
I always think that I’ll feel better for having vented and gotten my mad out, but I usually feel worse and I hate that standing up for myself makes me feel worse than the perpetrator of the wrong.
So, is it wrong to express your anger at someone who’s done wrong by you?
I always think that I'll feel better for having vented and gotten my mad out, but I usually feel worse and I hate that standing up for myself makes me feel worse than the perpetrator of the wrong.
So, is it wrong to express your anger at someone who's done wrong by you?
There is a huge difference between being aggressive and being assertive. You can be assertive, express your hurt feelings and 'vent' without resorting to hurtful comments.
If you know your verbal retaliation knows no bounds, then do something about it, unless you want to isolate yourself.
Also, anger is nothing more than an emotion. I find it very frustrating when people blame their actions or behaviour on 'anger'. It implies that this is something that simply cannot be controlled. Everybody in the planet experiences anger. The difference is in how we manage this emotion.
I'm like you. When I'm furious I just let it roll, I say anything and everything I can think of.
I get so angry it annoys me.
But then I can calm down very quickly too.
Exactly! I usually have a lot of sabr - but that one time when I do go off - within minutes or hours I regret my response and I feel guilty although someone else started it. Go figure.
I think walking away from the situation in hand is a good option . One should calm him/herself down and come back to it . Like anything else controlling anger comes with practice .
Btw I think nowadays women are more filled up with anger all the time .
hmmmm…I get angry when ppl act idiotic…most of the time I am patient…I have loads of it..specially for the ppl I care…but if I lose it…I go two ways :
For ppl I care…I tell them they hurt me…and i’ll sulk
For ppl who I have been so patient with and they still act like idiots…then I am BLUNT…and tell them exactly what I think of them…
I have lost my temper uncontrollably only twice…and I hate it…coz I start shaking with anger and I can do anything and say anything and don’t give a damn about it. :hinna:
once I fire off there's no stopping me. and then within minutes am totally ashamed of my outbursts.
what's worse is my fiance is super sensitive. he's been living alone for ages and he's not used to squabbles especially girly gilay shikwe. He takes it to heart usually and becomes really upset and gets defensive. Meanwhile I have forgotten the whole episode after 10 minutes and he stays upset for like days.
What do I do in such a situation. Even a very neutral sentence where am not expressing any kind of anger is taken as if am trying to fight.
help :( Give me ideas how to deal with such situations! and how should I control my temper!
like shehreysh said…its real bad.