Get him/her married ... QUICK!!

Lifestyle Relationships
1

When sons/daughters go bad, why do parents think it’s in their [the children’s] best interest to get married?

Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I mean if someone is being a brat and irresponsible, making their life more complicated is the worse thing you can do. I remember I would do something totally silly, & my Mom would complain in front of my grand mother, and Bigi would say ‘Is ki shadi kara dou, sub theek ho jayay ga’ and I was only in high school at that time :o

In case of girls it’s even worse. If one is caught ishq laraying with someone, immediately she is sent to Pakistan only to return with a Dulha bhai. It seems it’s a desperate attempt by the parents who can’t think of anything straight and fail to admit that they couldn’t bring up their children right.

2

it depends on what ails the son or daughter. if the guy/gal is doing drugs, it makes no sense to marry them off and hope that the "responsibility" will fix them.

but if a guy/gal is "ishq laraying" then isn't getting them married (possibly to the person of their liking) the reasonable thing to do?

3

I agree with you Ahmad bhai

there are other ways of learning responsibilites instead of ‘using’ some other kid to let your own kid grow up :o

there s another thing pretty what disturbs me kinda :o

ALot of pakistan parents living ‘arbroad’ keep their kids tight, even tighter then in pakistan, cuz they r scared that they might mis behave.
Also the kids are sent back aged 13/14 so they can grow up thee in pakistan and then come back. I mean the kids come from culture into another culture shock.

But the thing is, in western countries it s easier to misbehave, yet (atleast here in holland) the kids dont misbehave.

In pakistan where everyone is a bit looser, a girl can t even walk alone on the streets without being wistled at, or being pinched :o
Or check anny internet cafe’s history :slight_smile: 9.9 out of the 10 visited pages are pr*n pages :yukh:

4

Because they want to punish the person that will be getting married to them. How unfair. People really abuse the concept of marriage.

5

totzlly ahamadjee, dunno why marriage is used as a correctional facility in such cases, it just makes things worse, ruining not one, not two but many more lives. Responsibility of that kind won't straighten the person, just adds to the pile of mess.

6

^This is true :k:

7

lolz ahmadjee interesting thread :D reminds me of DDLJ, where amresh puri takes kajol to india to get married when he finds out she likes someone :D

hmmmm...this attitude is not prevalent in all families...its certainly not the norm in my family...in my family, for guys, it has always been jab larka apni kamai shuru kar le tab uski shadi karo...and for girls, it used to be jaise hi pehla acha rishta teh ho larki ko rukhsat kar do, but now for my generation its jab larki ki parhai mukammal ho jayay tab uski shadi karo...mukammal depending on what the parents consider mukammal, which could range from matric to a professional degree or masters. beshak mangni pehle ho jayay.

i dont like the idea of forced marriage, neither for girls nor guys, under any circumstance...and neither is it allowed in our religion...ive seen such marriages not fair well usually...

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by ahmadjee: *
In case of girls it's even worse. If one is caught *ishq laraying with someone, immediately she is sent to Pakistan only to return with a Dulha bhai. It seems it's a desperate attempt by the parents who can't think of anything straight and fail to admit that they couldn’t bring up their children right.
[/QUOTE]

if someone is caught "ishq laraying" by the parents, then the other person should be evaluated and if s/he is good enough, then why not get them two married or engaged etc? i despise the bollywoodish style of some parents, who totally refuse to get their offspring married to the person of their choice...!! parents should never force their kids to do anything. kids, when they are adults, deserve to be treated like individuals and adults with the respect and freedom and space thats given to an adult.

btw, why would the parents think they havent brought up their kids right if caught ishq laraying with someone? whats wrong with it if ur son/daughter likes someone? its good to choose ur own spouse imho. as long as u dont do anything thats islamically prohibited, i dont see anything wrong with it. why shud it be a failure of parents?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by dutch_paki: *
In pakistan where everyone is a bit looser, a girl can t even walk alone on the streets without being wistled at, or being pinched :o

[/QUOTE]

dutch_paki which pak u talking bout bro, that stuff u said aint true :p

8

:hoonh: :smash: I didn mean every one was like that, but even I a GUY!!! got pinched twice once in Lhr, once in pindi :eek:

blah what did I feel uncomfy then :bummer:

back then I thought, I m never gonna come back to pakistan. now I think, next time I ll break his/her hand :o

9

LOL ahh happened to my poor cousins, i feel so bad for them :bummer: and even worst for their wives, bichariyon ki kya ghalti thee :nono3:

Sigh i never understood why desi parents choose this way and never will. it doesn’t just ruin the guy’s life, ruins the girl’s as well cuz they have no frikkin idea why the dude is “forced” into marrying her and now she has to put up with his frikkin attitude and all :mad:

10

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
lolz ahmadjee interesting thread :D reminds me of DDLJ, where amresh puri takes kajol to india to get married when he finds out she likes someone :D

hmmmm...this attitude is not prevalent in all families...its certainly not the norm in my family...in my family, for guys, it has always been jab larka apni kamai shuru kar le tab uski shadi karo...and for girls, it used to be jaise hi pehla acha rishta teh ho larki ko rukhsat kar do, but now for my generation its jab larki ki parhai mukammal ho jayay tab uski shadi karo...mukammal depending on what the parents consider mukammal, which could range from matric to a professional degree or masters. beshak mangni pehle ho jayay.

i dont like the idea of forced marriage, neither for girls nor guys, under any circumstance...and neither is it allowed in our religion...ive seen such marriages not fair well usually...

if someone is caught "ishq laraying" by the parents, then the other person should be evaluated and if s/he is good enough, then why not get them two married or engaged etc? i despise the bollywoodish style of some parents, who totally refuse to get their offspring married to the person of their choice...!! parents should never force their kids to do anything. kids, when they are adults, deserve to be treated like individuals and adults with the respect and freedom and space thats given to an adult.

btw, why would the parents think they havent brought up their kids right if caught ishq laraying with someone? whats wrong with it if ur son/daughter likes someone? its good to choose ur own spouse imho. as long as u dont do anything thats islamically prohibited, i dont see anything wrong with it. why shud it be a failure of parents?

dutch_paki which pak u talking bout bro, that stuff u said aint true :p
[/QUOTE]

Well said, I agree 100%. Too bad even the parents of even upper middle class and educated families still fail to realize this.

11

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
lolz ahmadjee interesting thread :D reminds me of DDLJ, where amresh puri takes kajol to india to get married when he finds out she likes someone :D

hmmmm...this attitude is not prevalent in all families...its certainly not the norm in my family...in my family, for guys, it has always been jab larka apni kamai shuru kar le tab uski shadi karo...and for girls, it used to be jaise hi pehla acha rishta teh ho larki ko rukhsat kar do, but now for my generation its jab larki ki parhai mukammal ho jayay tab uski shadi karo...mukammal depending on what the parents consider mukammal, which could range from matric to a professional degree or masters. beshak mangni pehle ho jayay.

i dont like the idea of forced marriage, neither for girls nor guys, under any circumstance...and neither is it allowed in our religion...ive seen such marriages not fair well usually...

if someone is caught "ishq laraying" by the parents, then the other person should be evaluated and if s/he is good enough, then why not get them two married or engaged etc? i despise the bollywoodish style of some parents, who totally refuse to get their offspring married to the person of their choice...!! parents should never force their kids to do anything. kids, when they are adults, deserve to be treated like individuals and adults with the respect and freedom and space thats given to an adult.

btw, why would the parents think they havent brought up their kids right if caught ishq laraying with someone? whats wrong with it if ur son/daughter likes someone? its good to choose ur own spouse imho. as long as u dont do anything thats islamically prohibited, i dont see anything wrong with it. why shud it be a failure of parents?

[/QUOTE]

My family thinks like this ^. They're decently open about such stuff. As long as it makes sense, they're fine with it.

If I happen to like someone, my parents are open to seeing who the person is, etc. Likewise, if I am introduced by them to someone, I am open to considering the person. Our views are mutually respected in this regard. They're educated people themselves so their mentality is and always has been of the guy or girl completing the education first (and even having a career if he/she chooses) before embarking on marriage.

12

When a child is going bad, parents of course want to set things right. Marriage is one of the options for 2 reasons. FIrst, it makes you settle down and become responsible. Second, the parents will no longer need to worry about the child getting into trouble. Any trouble will have to be faced and dealt with by the now-married couple.

It isnt that I agree with this approach necessarily. But I think it comes close to the real reason why parents will marry off a child when problems arise. It isnt meant to punish the child, only to settle them down and hopefully fix the problem. I'm sure its especially the case when its a female child who seems a bit on the wild side.

13

Actually the idea that if someone is 'ishq laraying' she/he should be immediately wedded is not always a good solution. Even if the other person is in everyway the best choice for the young boy/girl, there could be a number of reasons for not getting them married right there right then. Like studies, age, mindset and in case of a boy his financial status.