Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

Lifestyle Relationships
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Honest opinions please.

If you want your future wife to cover her hair, but she doesn’t seem so keen right now, says she will do so when ready & not for you, would it be a deal break?

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

Good question.

I feel one should cover their head if they feel it from within and not because somebody wants them to do it.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

If I want someone who will cover her hair, and I get this type of response, then yes, it's probably a deal breaker.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

Hijab should be done for Allah right? And because you sincerely believe in it and want to do it. Wearing it when you're against it will make it seem more like a chore. And what sawab does a person get from forcing a practice on another person?

One thing I've never understood is why some guys who want a hijabi wife will marry a girl who doesn't cover her hair. And I've heard such stories before. I know that some people think it's strange or unnecessary....but I don't think it's a bad idea to bring up the issue of clothing when you're getting to know a rishta.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

i must be voluntary and not enforced...taqwa is by FREE WILL, if this free will is taken away then it's NOT the deen following, it would rather be following a husband's order. there is an aayat in Qur'aan-e-Kareem that says...laa ikraahaa fiddeen...meaning...there is NO compulsion in deen!...PERIOD!!! :)

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

I think if you want a wife that wears hijab then let the folks who are looking for rishtas that it is one of the criteria...just like some men want gori chitti girls, some want pari likhi ....some want she who cover their hair. There's many such women...and for sure an are wearing hijab because they feel like it. Now if you're already in a relationship and all of a sudden you wish she starts wearing a hijab then I guess it depends on how serious your commitment is...

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

My opinion is that you should only do so if you really feel it yourself, and only for Allah (swt).

This is what I am failing to understand.

Has anyone had any experience of this?

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

lol...my cousin's son in pak wants to grow beard but his mom said don't grow your beard otherwise it'll be hard finding your rishts (you'll look older than your age etc) so do it after your marriage.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

why the hell would you want someone to DO HIJAB..why dont you just FIND SOMEONE who already wears one.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

Covering head is for sure for Allah and should come from your inside i.e. when you feel and realise its importance. But in case he asks me to do so, and i really love him, i wont mind covering my head. At the end of the day it is for my own good.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

She is a human being with free thought that God blessed her with, if she wants to then sure, if not then her choice.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

Because guys and their families don't want to limit their search by focussing only on girls who ALREADY do hijaab. They would rather consider every girl, and then ask the girl to do the hijaab because the guy and/ or his families want the girl this way. I also get such proposals where the guy and his family are very islamic, with the mother and sisters doing ninja hijaab and asking my mother that I would need to do hijaab after shaadi. I wonder why such mothers and sisters wouldn't find a hijaabi girl in their own circle (they must have a social circle of like-minded people through sources like dars, quran classes etc).

I plan to do hijaab after a few years time but marrying someone on this condition doesn't seem right to me. Hijaab should only be done when a girl wants it to do with her own willingness and not because she or her family wants her to get married.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

How much reward does one get for doing something they feel so bitter about? I doubt there’s any reward gained in forcing a person. Seems like a lose-lose situation. If the spouse understood that it should be done for Allah…he would encourage but not pressure and punish. And if he does do that…is it because he wants the practice to be done more for himself…and is this “control” a possible reflection of insecurity?

There are examples of guys who impose the purdah because they can’t stand other men even glancing at their wives…but yet they themselsves oggle at women without much self-restraint, :hehe:

I know that it’s human nature to make contradictions and we all do it…but I find that the people who are more rigid and controlling (impose on others)…tend to make more contradictions and in bigger ways. Just my own observation.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

sister RV, have you considered covering your hair on a permanent basis instead of making excuses? :nono4:

if a murderer-to-be is prevented by her husband from killing someone (mil, sil etc), and he strictly forbids her from it at all times, she is saved from the sin even if she does it with bitterness.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

a person can suggest/recommend but nobody can force someone to do something. It should be from the inside. Otherwise the come and go thing would keep happening ..like I have seen many girls who do hijab coz either they were temporarily impressed or someone insisted them to do so but shunned it at their convenience.

So it shouldnt be a deal breaker I guess. If the girl is of good morals and comes from a religious family then her not doing hijab after shadi shouldnt be a deal breaker for either party. People change..each moves at their own pace to reach different phases of spirituality and love for religion. if one respects that then things would be so much easier. The inside is what should matter - appearances can be very deceiving at times :)

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

^I’m a part-time hijabi, Queer…maybe I’ll be partially saved :hehe:. It’s part of school uniform. I went in without a hijab for my interview…I wanted to be honest. My employer said that I have to cover my hair in order to teach there. I brought up the point of kids seeing a teacher with a hijab in the school and then without one in a public place. I was curious to know what she thought of that. She said I should just tell the kids that “I’m working on it”.. :smack:

As for the murder-to-be example..that’s interesting. If a person is contemplating doing something that infringes upon the rights of another person…then being more forceful in stopping them makes sense. Like stopping a gunnah. It could be argued that not wearing the hijab is a gunnah and should be stopped…but is not wearing one violating the rights of another person? The two examples are not on the same level.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

WHAAAT???:smack:

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering

Personally it won't be a deal breaker for me if she doesn't wear hijab. If she chooses to..later than it's good. Other than that, no big deal.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering


If you really love her don't force her just tell her gently about the hijab and its sawab. Sometimes forcing things doesn't work but good nature or good advice or good intentions work. It is not a deal braker but tell her that you really like hijab and she should search on why hijab is important.

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Re: Future wife & Hijab/Hair covering


Best answer by far. My opinion also.