Future MIL being childish...

[terebina786]

Re: Future MIL being childish…

@redvelvet

Um you obviously do care and you haven’t completely washed you hands of her…otherwise you wouldnt have created this thread.

My cousin had a love marriage and her husband’s mom didnt attend the engagement or the wedding…or maybe it was just the engagement. The dad and siblings were supportive, but the mom chose not to be involved in her children’s lives. They had a beautiful wedding and three kids later, they’re still together, MA. If you have a supportive and fair-minded partner, you’re in a much better situation than many women who have husbands with “mommy can do no wrong and unlike other imperfect immortals is devoid of vices like insecurity/jealousy,pettiness, etc” syndrome.

This reminds me of that FRIENDS episode where Monica finds out that Rachel’s mom doesn’t like her and she she just can’t get over it and goes to great lengths to gain Mrs. Green’s favor. You MIL may come to like you better in the future or she may not. Just let it go and continue to be good to her (don’t bend over backwards) because you know it’s the right thing to do and to preserve your relationship with your fiance/husband…and don’t have expectations of her…do it to strengthen you marriage.

As for your fear that our parents will eventually refuse the rishta altogether…well you’re unintentionally playing a role in that fear becoming a reality. Fear and worry can be contagious…especially with parents who are already super protective of their kids to begin with. When you complain/vent/rant to your parents about your fiance’s mother…that stress rubs off on them and they think “our daughter can’t handle her MIL right now, so she’ll struggle even more in her marriage”…and this might make them say “no” to the rishta. IF you’re absolutely sure you wanna marry this guy and no one else…then you’ll have to exercise greater patience. By all means, share with your family…but be careful with how much you complain…cuz that can sometimes have unfavorable consequences as well.

Thank you. This post made me feel a lot better. I really do need to exercise patience with the situation and it’s not so much that it bothers me if MIL doesn’t show up, it’ll bother my mom because she’ll feel like she has to explain everything to her family. My dad’s a different story, he tells it like it is to everyone, my mom sugar coats. I do feel really bad for my fiancee, because he feels like he’s such a failure in everyone’s eyes but my dad keep reassuring him that you can’t make her do anything so just leave her be.

I didn’t really open this thread up to complain as much as to hear about others who’ve been through the same issue with either parents or both parents not attending the wedding to put my mind at ease. Even though it sounds like complaining LOL. The good thing is his dad, brother, his mom’s sisters and cousins from this mother’s side are all happy with it, even his nani who’s living with them is fine.

BusyBee… Ha! Sounds exactly like my situation, except we’re doing one big reception vs a reception and valima because I know I ain’t getting a Valima.